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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 460658" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I'm not following the adopting thing -------but I was adopted and I went through a LOT of counseling about it to get my heart and head straight.....If you want to pick someones brains about that? I'm available and talk freely, openly and pretty well-adjusted about it. </p><p></p><p>I can tell you that most (not all) adoptees that I have met in my life have issues that they don't have ANY IDEA they are dealing with. It's a pretty messed up/freaky situation and can NOT be compared to any other family situation like "Oh yeah well I have a step dad, or my Mom remarried, or my Parents left when I was two and my Grandparents raised me." No one and I mean NO ONE in this world knows what you are going through, have gone through or will go through until you talk to someone about it. Another adoptee may - but unless that adoptee (in my humble opinion) is adjusted, and accepting, has had therapy, accepts their life and gets the W's of their world (who what where when and why) to try to begin to understand yourself probably going to make it a more messed up situation and add more layers to an already convoluted ice pond. </p><p></p><p>I started out wanting to find....I don't know. Maybe parents, siblings, my history, a way to forgive? I ended up finding myself. Knowing that I am NOT now, Never WAS -----garbage, never COULD have been just unwanted......uncared for. I AM somebody. I had and still have issues with many things because of adoption but at least now I KNOW what those are, and I can and am working on those and can identify them instead of wornder when something happens "OH GARRRRRR why do I do these things?" (and not think dumb dumb dumb) it's not dumb---it's a built in safety mechanism.....you figure out what and who is toxic....why...why you do the things you do - what's healthy = what's NOT....and a lot of things that are why they are because of things in your past. But I didn't know ANY of this unitl I went to counseling, started way back about talking about the adoption and it was like - "I do that because of the adoption? THEHELLYOUSAY" and went from there........and worked up to mid 30's and started over with a brand new plan and MAN how freeing was that? ......LOADS.....</p><p></p><p>You eventually can give yourself permission to truly be.....HAPPY. It's never too late. </p><p></p><p>Anyway - off soapbox.......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 460658, member: 4964"] I'm not following the adopting thing -------but I was adopted and I went through a LOT of counseling about it to get my heart and head straight.....If you want to pick someones brains about that? I'm available and talk freely, openly and pretty well-adjusted about it. I can tell you that most (not all) adoptees that I have met in my life have issues that they don't have ANY IDEA they are dealing with. It's a pretty messed up/freaky situation and can NOT be compared to any other family situation like "Oh yeah well I have a step dad, or my Mom remarried, or my Parents left when I was two and my Grandparents raised me." No one and I mean NO ONE in this world knows what you are going through, have gone through or will go through until you talk to someone about it. Another adoptee may - but unless that adoptee (in my humble opinion) is adjusted, and accepting, has had therapy, accepts their life and gets the W's of their world (who what where when and why) to try to begin to understand yourself probably going to make it a more messed up situation and add more layers to an already convoluted ice pond. I started out wanting to find....I don't know. Maybe parents, siblings, my history, a way to forgive? I ended up finding myself. Knowing that I am NOT now, Never WAS -----garbage, never COULD have been just unwanted......uncared for. I AM somebody. I had and still have issues with many things because of adoption but at least now I KNOW what those are, and I can and am working on those and can identify them instead of wornder when something happens "OH GARRRRRR why do I do these things?" (and not think dumb dumb dumb) it's not dumb---it's a built in safety mechanism.....you figure out what and who is toxic....why...why you do the things you do - what's healthy = what's NOT....and a lot of things that are why they are because of things in your past. But I didn't know ANY of this unitl I went to counseling, started way back about talking about the adoption and it was like - "I do that because of the adoption? THEHELLYOUSAY" and went from there........and worked up to mid 30's and started over with a brand new plan and MAN how freeing was that? ......LOADS..... You eventually can give yourself permission to truly be.....HAPPY. It's never too late. Anyway - off soapbox....... [/QUOTE]
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