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<blockquote data-quote="AllStressedOut" data-source="post: 55502" data-attributes="member: 3837"><p>I read all the posts that I can and sometimes I find one that applies to my life too. This is one of them, but the problem is, if I do this to my oldest easy child and he gets consequences for his actions, how can I not give consequences to my next in line because he may not understand it in the same way. In a house filled with his/mine/ours kids, you can't do that without coming across as unfair. I know fair doesn't always mean equal, but when you are a stepchild or a biological child in a house being raised by a stepparent or biological parent, if your stepparent gives you harder consequences, you feel like you are treated unfairly and if your biological parent is easier on your stepsiblings than you, you feel treated unfairly.</p><p></p><p>I think you're right in sticking to your punishment, but thats just me. I still haven't figured out how much the book applies to my family. The problem I have is that my difficult children have improved significantly since living with me and having structure and guidelines, so I see that some punishment and/or consequences work. If some work, why don't they all? It seemed as if it was working until this year, surprisingly when all 3 became medicated. I didn't have perfect children by any means, but they at least were slowly getting it. Prior to medication of my youngest difficult child he seemed to have good and bad days, but his bad days were awful. Sometimes it still feels the same.</p><p></p><p>I'm at a loss as to advice, but just know that there is someone else out there going through the same stuff. I don't think you're asking too much of a 12 year old, but then I wonder how old my 11 year old is mentally. He doesn't act 11, so should I treat him the way he acts? I feel like I'm not helping him by doing this, but who knows, maybe its what is in order for him. Again, I'm no help with advice, sorry! I feel your pain, does that help?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AllStressedOut, post: 55502, member: 3837"] I read all the posts that I can and sometimes I find one that applies to my life too. This is one of them, but the problem is, if I do this to my oldest easy child and he gets consequences for his actions, how can I not give consequences to my next in line because he may not understand it in the same way. In a house filled with his/mine/ours kids, you can't do that without coming across as unfair. I know fair doesn't always mean equal, but when you are a stepchild or a biological child in a house being raised by a stepparent or biological parent, if your stepparent gives you harder consequences, you feel like you are treated unfairly and if your biological parent is easier on your stepsiblings than you, you feel treated unfairly. I think you're right in sticking to your punishment, but thats just me. I still haven't figured out how much the book applies to my family. The problem I have is that my difficult children have improved significantly since living with me and having structure and guidelines, so I see that some punishment and/or consequences work. If some work, why don't they all? It seemed as if it was working until this year, surprisingly when all 3 became medicated. I didn't have perfect children by any means, but they at least were slowly getting it. Prior to medication of my youngest difficult child he seemed to have good and bad days, but his bad days were awful. Sometimes it still feels the same. I'm at a loss as to advice, but just know that there is someone else out there going through the same stuff. I don't think you're asking too much of a 12 year old, but then I wonder how old my 11 year old is mentally. He doesn't act 11, so should I treat him the way he acts? I feel like I'm not helping him by doing this, but who knows, maybe its what is in order for him. Again, I'm no help with advice, sorry! I feel your pain, does that help? [/QUOTE]
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