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Substance Abuse
Is ok to kick a 16 yr old son from the house?
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 715154" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>I just wanted to reach out to you and tell you that YOU have done everything you can do.</p><p></p><p>I would NOT let your son come home for a very long time, if ever. He is not ready to change.</p><p></p><p>My son, when younger, sounds exactly like your son. I was waiting for our son to be "ready to change" too. A recent therapist he had who was a former addict told me that we CAN and should force the change and that is what we have set out to do. We've literally done everything else.</p><p></p><p>After a 2 month binge on benzos March of 2016 we said rehab or OUT the door. He sat there as high as a kite during his binge telling me he wasn't going to rehabs ever again; he was done with that! I knew he had nowhere to go. I was scared and hoped I could be strong. He is very strong willed. He chose rehab because it was the better choice. After rehab we sent him to sober living 1300 miles away. I could not again let him come home; we had seen him fail too many times. He did great for a while in his IOP and sober living and then started his BS with them. Jumped around to many sober livings breaking the rules. I was completely freaking out. Couldn't believe that he was acting this way and not wanting help. I thought he'd end up dead. I really did.</p><p></p><p>After living in car a few days, he seemed to do better and got a shared apartment and working steadily. We thought he was smoking weed and a bit of drinking but we thought he was okay since he was taking a class and seemed to be handling everything (we are still learning). We helped him out with the rent but he was taking care of a lot of things he had never taken care of before in his life so we felt he was "growing". After about six months things shifted. His girlfriend (who is a doll and doesn't party; has lost both parents to addiction) found him huffing in his room (OMG the visual of that still makes my stomach turn) and he went to detox at her insistence. Long story but a few months later he is now in sober living and we told him we are DONE and if he doesn't do it this time we are walking away from him. He doesn't have the attitude he used to have so that is a major breakthrough. He seems to have humbled himself in many ways.</p><p></p><p>I have refrained from speaking to him at all at times because I just needed to pull away for ME. I am done doing the mommy thing. We had been very very close. I am in therapy and it has helped me set loving boundaries for him and us.</p><p></p><p>I still don't know what will happen or if he will stay on course. He needs to realize he cannot drink a beer and he cannot smoke weed or he'll end up back to pills. He has told me that but does he really believe it and embrace it? How many times does he have to go down the toilet to see that? </p><p></p><p>My unsolicited opinion is that your son cannot get well in your home. Our son cannot either. It would be nice to be together and it would be a lot less cost to us (we are paying half his rent as long as he is sober and working) but it just is not meant to be. It was very hard for me to accept that. I wasn't ready to let go.</p><p></p><p>You need a break. It doesn't mean you don't love your son. Your son is almost an adult and he has chosen this path. Our son (like most of us here) is from a very good family and has his future laid out for him if he'll just take the path that he needs to take. He has no reason to numb himself from anything. He's had a great life and we have been good parents. We did the family meals, the baseball, the football, family vacations, two furry dogs. Everything that a parent can possibly do to provide a loving and nurturing home for him. </p><p></p><p>Some people choose the hard life. I don't know why and I'll never understand it. I love and support him but I cannot let him take me down with him. If he doesn't choose the right path, he will not be in our lives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 715154, member: 15032"] I just wanted to reach out to you and tell you that YOU have done everything you can do. I would NOT let your son come home for a very long time, if ever. He is not ready to change. My son, when younger, sounds exactly like your son. I was waiting for our son to be "ready to change" too. A recent therapist he had who was a former addict told me that we CAN and should force the change and that is what we have set out to do. We've literally done everything else. After a 2 month binge on benzos March of 2016 we said rehab or OUT the door. He sat there as high as a kite during his binge telling me he wasn't going to rehabs ever again; he was done with that! I knew he had nowhere to go. I was scared and hoped I could be strong. He is very strong willed. He chose rehab because it was the better choice. After rehab we sent him to sober living 1300 miles away. I could not again let him come home; we had seen him fail too many times. He did great for a while in his IOP and sober living and then started his BS with them. Jumped around to many sober livings breaking the rules. I was completely freaking out. Couldn't believe that he was acting this way and not wanting help. I thought he'd end up dead. I really did. After living in car a few days, he seemed to do better and got a shared apartment and working steadily. We thought he was smoking weed and a bit of drinking but we thought he was okay since he was taking a class and seemed to be handling everything (we are still learning). We helped him out with the rent but he was taking care of a lot of things he had never taken care of before in his life so we felt he was "growing". After about six months things shifted. His girlfriend (who is a doll and doesn't party; has lost both parents to addiction) found him huffing in his room (OMG the visual of that still makes my stomach turn) and he went to detox at her insistence. Long story but a few months later he is now in sober living and we told him we are DONE and if he doesn't do it this time we are walking away from him. He doesn't have the attitude he used to have so that is a major breakthrough. He seems to have humbled himself in many ways. I have refrained from speaking to him at all at times because I just needed to pull away for ME. I am done doing the mommy thing. We had been very very close. I am in therapy and it has helped me set loving boundaries for him and us. I still don't know what will happen or if he will stay on course. He needs to realize he cannot drink a beer and he cannot smoke weed or he'll end up back to pills. He has told me that but does he really believe it and embrace it? How many times does he have to go down the toilet to see that? My unsolicited opinion is that your son cannot get well in your home. Our son cannot either. It would be nice to be together and it would be a lot less cost to us (we are paying half his rent as long as he is sober and working) but it just is not meant to be. It was very hard for me to accept that. I wasn't ready to let go. You need a break. It doesn't mean you don't love your son. Your son is almost an adult and he has chosen this path. Our son (like most of us here) is from a very good family and has his future laid out for him if he'll just take the path that he needs to take. He has no reason to numb himself from anything. He's had a great life and we have been good parents. We did the family meals, the baseball, the football, family vacations, two furry dogs. Everything that a parent can possibly do to provide a loving and nurturing home for him. Some people choose the hard life. I don't know why and I'll never understand it. I love and support him but I cannot let him take me down with him. If he doesn't choose the right path, he will not be in our lives. [/QUOTE]
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Is ok to kick a 16 yr old son from the house?
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