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Is this all really worth the headache? vent
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 86207" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>ASO,</p><p> I so understand what you are saying. Your difficult child is still growing and learning and you believe you can change their behavior and help them get it. </p><p> I'm not sure that all the effort makes a big difference for a longggggggggggg time. I do know from years of doing what you are doing that difficult child stores nuggets in his brain like a squirrel hoardes nuts. I see and hear bits of what I taught come out. His behavior hasn't changed in terms of learning chores. I don't think it means anything to him. He gets no satisfaction of a job well done or a clean room or money saved. Not that he is being difficult. He just doesn't get it. It would be similar to us getting paid in glass beads. They have no value to us. My standards(society's too) doesn't have the same relevance to my difficult child. The harder I pushed him to be in that box the more oppositional he was. Now I only expect the basics of decent talk to me, basic hygiene and minimal contribution to the house. He is easier to live with but he is no day at the park. </p><p></p><p> You have to have hope and a very long view for results. I did not see much of any success with my teaching until he was 18 and older. Too late for me to get any immediate satisfaction but if I step back and look at the big picture, I see proof of success. </p><p>Remember the goal is to raise and law abiding, tax paying, moral, indepent adult with as full a life as they can manage. It's the parents job. Giving us satisfaction or pleasure is gravy not the goal. </p><p></p><p> Hang in there and keep doing what you believe is right for your children. Their success or failure is always questionable but you have to know you did the best you could. </p><p></p><p> At least that's been my thoughts and my experience when I asked why I was doing what I was doing and why I was putting out so much effort with so little return.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 86207, member: 3"] ASO, I so understand what you are saying. Your difficult child is still growing and learning and you believe you can change their behavior and help them get it. I'm not sure that all the effort makes a big difference for a longggggggggggg time. I do know from years of doing what you are doing that difficult child stores nuggets in his brain like a squirrel hoardes nuts. I see and hear bits of what I taught come out. His behavior hasn't changed in terms of learning chores. I don't think it means anything to him. He gets no satisfaction of a job well done or a clean room or money saved. Not that he is being difficult. He just doesn't get it. It would be similar to us getting paid in glass beads. They have no value to us. My standards(society's too) doesn't have the same relevance to my difficult child. The harder I pushed him to be in that box the more oppositional he was. Now I only expect the basics of decent talk to me, basic hygiene and minimal contribution to the house. He is easier to live with but he is no day at the park. You have to have hope and a very long view for results. I did not see much of any success with my teaching until he was 18 and older. Too late for me to get any immediate satisfaction but if I step back and look at the big picture, I see proof of success. Remember the goal is to raise and law abiding, tax paying, moral, indepent adult with as full a life as they can manage. It's the parents job. Giving us satisfaction or pleasure is gravy not the goal. Hang in there and keep doing what you believe is right for your children. Their success or failure is always questionable but you have to know you did the best you could. At least that's been my thoughts and my experience when I asked why I was doing what I was doing and why I was putting out so much effort with so little return. [/QUOTE]
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