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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 723349" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>lbl. i feel you. my anxiety is sky high, too.</p><p></p><p>close to unbearable. </p><p></p><p>i feel like i want to be with my son 24 hours not to keep him safe but to reassure myself he is. </p><p></p><p>my son has more issues than yours. i guess in part because of so much water under the bridge. will he recover to what he was like even 8 years ago? because his life has been so hard in the interim.</p><p></p><p>and i am worlds different. a different woman. confidence in life is shaken. feel everything 100x more. fearful. shell-shocked. vulnerable. </p><p></p><p>so this is the point i'm getting to.</p><p></p><p>that this is about me. that what is being revealed here is a level of me-- that i can learn to view as an opportunity. to find ways to calm myself. center myself. be in my body in a new, better, grounded, stronger and rooted way.</p><p></p><p>this is not in the main about my son. </p><p></p><p>look lbl. let's say son keeps job past the 3 mo mark and gets to 6 mos without relapse? life is still contingent. can you watch him all night like he was in his crib, to see he is still breathing?</p><p></p><p>as long as the vulnerability and potential dyscontrol control are in them...we are the powerless ones. no wonder we are in agony.</p><p></p><p>i spoke to a somatic therapist today. maybe i'll go be around horses to learn to calm and connect to myself. maybe i will return to dance. i don't know. i will travel 3 or 4 hours to see her.</p><p></p><p>but as long as we stand next to the crib and listen to their breathing we will stay nuts.</p><p></p><p>there has to be the place where we have resources to permit them to struggle and be and we can still feel and breathe and function.</p><p></p><p>that capacity has to be in us and not contingent on them. we deserve that. and so do they.</p><p></p><p>i'm right here with you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 723349, member: 18958"] lbl. i feel you. my anxiety is sky high, too. close to unbearable. i feel like i want to be with my son 24 hours not to keep him safe but to reassure myself he is. my son has more issues than yours. i guess in part because of so much water under the bridge. will he recover to what he was like even 8 years ago? because his life has been so hard in the interim. and i am worlds different. a different woman. confidence in life is shaken. feel everything 100x more. fearful. shell-shocked. vulnerable. so this is the point i'm getting to. that this is about me. that what is being revealed here is a level of me-- that i can learn to view as an opportunity. to find ways to calm myself. center myself. be in my body in a new, better, grounded, stronger and rooted way. this is not in the main about my son. look lbl. let's say son keeps job past the 3 mo mark and gets to 6 mos without relapse? life is still contingent. can you watch him all night like he was in his crib, to see he is still breathing? as long as the vulnerability and potential dyscontrol control are in them...we are the powerless ones. no wonder we are in agony. i spoke to a somatic therapist today. maybe i'll go be around horses to learn to calm and connect to myself. maybe i will return to dance. i don't know. i will travel 3 or 4 hours to see her. but as long as we stand next to the crib and listen to their breathing we will stay nuts. there has to be the place where we have resources to permit them to struggle and be and we can still feel and breathe and function. that capacity has to be in us and not contingent on them. we deserve that. and so do they. i'm right here with you. [/QUOTE]
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