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<blockquote data-quote="ColleenB" data-source="post: 723359" data-attributes="member: 19887"><p>Copa I’m glad you were vulnerable... makes me feel less ashamed for some of th things I feel too. My son too looks so much different than the family he was raised in and I feel pain when I see the look in peoples eyes. My son used to be so clean cut and attractive. He still is in some ways but much harder and older looking. Drugs and alcohol are not kind. </p><p></p><p>I am tiptoeing around my home this weekend LBL... we too have never made it an entire weekend without partying or some</p><p>Kind of drama. Son spent the entire day with us yesterday just hanging out... watching Netflix. It may have been the first time that has happened in years. He usually can’t wait to get away from us... he is usually so anxious around us. Hoping it really is sobriety. He has either been with us, in school or with his supportive friends since the Monday after Sunday and the car accident. He is trying. I can see that. But I’m still terrified and guarded. </p><p></p><p>I am not the person I was five years ago.... I am tired... oh so tired. And I am bitter If I’m being totally honest. I feel like this whole thing is unfair. I stayed home, I have a strong marriage, we provided all the opportunities a kid could need, I didn’t indulge in material things ..... I did what I was supposed to do. Why my son? I know that sounds whinny and self absorbed. I feel that I am selfish and jealous at times. I want to scream and yell at my son some days and then I see how broken he is and I melt. How did this happen? I can’t even tell you. </p><p></p><p>So ladies.... I feel your pain, your anxiety. I don’t know what I would do without these boards and the ability to vent and share. </p><p></p><p>Hugs xoxo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ColleenB, post: 723359, member: 19887"] Copa I’m glad you were vulnerable... makes me feel less ashamed for some of th things I feel too. My son too looks so much different than the family he was raised in and I feel pain when I see the look in peoples eyes. My son used to be so clean cut and attractive. He still is in some ways but much harder and older looking. Drugs and alcohol are not kind. I am tiptoeing around my home this weekend LBL... we too have never made it an entire weekend without partying or some Kind of drama. Son spent the entire day with us yesterday just hanging out... watching Netflix. It may have been the first time that has happened in years. He usually can’t wait to get away from us... he is usually so anxious around us. Hoping it really is sobriety. He has either been with us, in school or with his supportive friends since the Monday after Sunday and the car accident. He is trying. I can see that. But I’m still terrified and guarded. I am not the person I was five years ago.... I am tired... oh so tired. And I am bitter If I’m being totally honest. I feel like this whole thing is unfair. I stayed home, I have a strong marriage, we provided all the opportunities a kid could need, I didn’t indulge in material things ..... I did what I was supposed to do. Why my son? I know that sounds whinny and self absorbed. I feel that I am selfish and jealous at times. I want to scream and yell at my son some days and then I see how broken he is and I melt. How did this happen? I can’t even tell you. So ladies.... I feel your pain, your anxiety. I don’t know what I would do without these boards and the ability to vent and share. Hugs xoxo [/QUOTE]
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