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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 746382" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I dont remember how old your son is or how many times you have done this dance, but whatever the answers to those questions are, it has not helped him become a responsible, loving young man. Not as of yet.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion a conversation would probably be just words that he wont follow up on. Have you had conversations before that he didnt follow through on promises? Would he respect your wishes?</p><p></p><p>More importantly, what do YOU want for yourself. Do you want him with you, even if things are as they were before? If so, then you dont need to talk to him.</p><p></p><p>Do you want and expect him to be different? What if he isnt? Do you have a history of standing your ground?</p><p></p><p>Is it horrific for you to imagine your son in a shelter?</p><p></p><p>I used to come here answering these posts in the way I felt the young adult may do better. But I am starting to feel sad at the broken hearts of the mothers and am now telling them to do what THEY can best handle. It is no shame to put our needs first. To be more at peace. Even if our kids act up.</p><p></p><p>I believe you know what your son is like and how it will turn out when he is with you. I think talking to them seldom helps, just like those old signed contracts in high school dont work.</p><p></p><p>On the flip side, your son likely has a restaurant type job...most do ....so it wouldnt be hard to find a second similar job and work two jobs. He could probably find a way to pay for a place to live.</p><p></p><p>Some parents do that. Some let them experience shelters hoping they will hate the life they chose. Does it always work? No. Does it work sometimes? Yes! Some parents also insist their kids go to rehab and NOT come home and that can help too. And has with kids here.</p><p></p><p>Letting them come home we do this mostly for us, and that is okay unless the adult is dangerous.</p><p></p><p>What can YOU do, you ask. Nothing. He has to do it no matter where he resides. You can not save him from himself. He can get into trouble at home, no problem. You can not protect him. Only he can.</p><p></p><p>One bit of advice that somebody told me it and has really worked.</p><p></p><p>Dont take lies about you to heart. Angry, abusive lies are spoken loudly but they are still lies. The voice may be forceful but the words are still not true. You can not have a rational discussion with anyone who spews lies about you, whether or not the person believes the lies. Dont waste time defending yourself. That fuels the fire and isnt worthy of you.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs and I hope all goes well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 746382, member: 1550"] Hi. I dont remember how old your son is or how many times you have done this dance, but whatever the answers to those questions are, it has not helped him become a responsible, loving young man. Not as of yet. in my opinion a conversation would probably be just words that he wont follow up on. Have you had conversations before that he didnt follow through on promises? Would he respect your wishes? More importantly, what do YOU want for yourself. Do you want him with you, even if things are as they were before? If so, then you dont need to talk to him. Do you want and expect him to be different? What if he isnt? Do you have a history of standing your ground? Is it horrific for you to imagine your son in a shelter? I used to come here answering these posts in the way I felt the young adult may do better. But I am starting to feel sad at the broken hearts of the mothers and am now telling them to do what THEY can best handle. It is no shame to put our needs first. To be more at peace. Even if our kids act up. I believe you know what your son is like and how it will turn out when he is with you. I think talking to them seldom helps, just like those old signed contracts in high school dont work. On the flip side, your son likely has a restaurant type job...most do ....so it wouldnt be hard to find a second similar job and work two jobs. He could probably find a way to pay for a place to live. Some parents do that. Some let them experience shelters hoping they will hate the life they chose. Does it always work? No. Does it work sometimes? Yes! Some parents also insist their kids go to rehab and NOT come home and that can help too. And has with kids here. Letting them come home we do this mostly for us, and that is okay unless the adult is dangerous. What can YOU do, you ask. Nothing. He has to do it no matter where he resides. You can not save him from himself. He can get into trouble at home, no problem. You can not protect him. Only he can. One bit of advice that somebody told me it and has really worked. Dont take lies about you to heart. Angry, abusive lies are spoken loudly but they are still lies. The voice may be forceful but the words are still not true. You can not have a rational discussion with anyone who spews lies about you, whether or not the person believes the lies. Dont waste time defending yourself. That fuels the fire and isnt worthy of you. Love and hugs and I hope all goes well. [/QUOTE]
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