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It all could have been avoided
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 383035" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Yes, power struggle. He seems very hooked into expecting to have to fight for his own choices. It's like he's constantly holding the end of the rope and whenever someone else merely picks up the other end, he tugs in the opposite direction. So a tug on the other end of his rope will have him automatically pulling the other way. The best way to stop this, is to let go the rope, or walk in his direction still holding your end of the rope.</p><p></p><p>Let's re-examine the situation in the maths class. Bear in mind, teacher was probably busy, had a lot to get through and didn't have the time to bother with what she felt was a power struggle. But in the end, she wasted a lot more time.</p><p></p><p>He walks in, sits up the back and says, "I'm going to sit here today."</p><p></p><p>I think at this point it would have been enlightening to say, "Why?"</p><p></p><p>If he has come in feeling irritated about something, he may have felt the need to be out of people's line of sight. Or he may have been feeling unsettled for some other reason. or it could be even simpler - he may hate feeling singled out, sitting up the front. Or there could be a kid sitting behind him who has been causing problems (as we had with difficult child 3, a kid behind him used to keep poking him in the back with sharp objects). Or the light might be in his eyes (the sun is in a different position in the sky, and it could be reflecting off something outside and in the window into his eyes). Who knows? Asking is one way to find out. And maybe it indicated a problem that needed to be sorted out. And maybe allowing him to talk about it could have sorted it. Or maybe letting him sit there would not have been a problem.</p><p></p><p>If she had taken a few minutes to sort this, there would undoubtedly have been less disruption. If she hasn't the time, it is one more job an assigned aide could have helped with. </p><p></p><p>The later problems - if he's angry and upset because the work is repetitive, this needs to be heard and sorted. In Maths, there is always more work. There is always another topic. A bright, capable student needs to be challenged by more complex problems, if he cannot move forward to the next topic. Maybe she needs to give him the toughest problem she can, and if he can do it unassisted and get it right, then let him move ahead. We did similar things with difficult child 3 (with cooperation of his Maths teacher). It helped enormously.</p><p></p><p>As for using her phone without permission - he shouldn't have done that, be he was doing what he could to resolve a problem in the simplest way he could. His behaviour was eminently logical, if unwise and inappropriate. She needs to be very careful to not merely seem obstructive in her dealings with him. Her aim needs to be kept in mind always - to ensure he gets a good Maths education. Ultimate aim. She has to hold that thought and forget about discipline. That is not what he needs or wants from her, and it won't help her teaching of him, to "control" him.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 383035, member: 1991"] Yes, power struggle. He seems very hooked into expecting to have to fight for his own choices. It's like he's constantly holding the end of the rope and whenever someone else merely picks up the other end, he tugs in the opposite direction. So a tug on the other end of his rope will have him automatically pulling the other way. The best way to stop this, is to let go the rope, or walk in his direction still holding your end of the rope. Let's re-examine the situation in the maths class. Bear in mind, teacher was probably busy, had a lot to get through and didn't have the time to bother with what she felt was a power struggle. But in the end, she wasted a lot more time. He walks in, sits up the back and says, "I'm going to sit here today." I think at this point it would have been enlightening to say, "Why?" If he has come in feeling irritated about something, he may have felt the need to be out of people's line of sight. Or he may have been feeling unsettled for some other reason. or it could be even simpler - he may hate feeling singled out, sitting up the front. Or there could be a kid sitting behind him who has been causing problems (as we had with difficult child 3, a kid behind him used to keep poking him in the back with sharp objects). Or the light might be in his eyes (the sun is in a different position in the sky, and it could be reflecting off something outside and in the window into his eyes). Who knows? Asking is one way to find out. And maybe it indicated a problem that needed to be sorted out. And maybe allowing him to talk about it could have sorted it. Or maybe letting him sit there would not have been a problem. If she had taken a few minutes to sort this, there would undoubtedly have been less disruption. If she hasn't the time, it is one more job an assigned aide could have helped with. The later problems - if he's angry and upset because the work is repetitive, this needs to be heard and sorted. In Maths, there is always more work. There is always another topic. A bright, capable student needs to be challenged by more complex problems, if he cannot move forward to the next topic. Maybe she needs to give him the toughest problem she can, and if he can do it unassisted and get it right, then let him move ahead. We did similar things with difficult child 3 (with cooperation of his Maths teacher). It helped enormously. As for using her phone without permission - he shouldn't have done that, be he was doing what he could to resolve a problem in the simplest way he could. His behaviour was eminently logical, if unwise and inappropriate. She needs to be very careful to not merely seem obstructive in her dealings with him. Her aim needs to be kept in mind always - to ensure he gets a good Maths education. Ultimate aim. She has to hold that thought and forget about discipline. That is not what he needs or wants from her, and it won't help her teaching of him, to "control" him. Marg [/QUOTE]
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