It breaks my heart- what now??!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by daralex, Oct 15, 2008.

  1. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    I haven't been here for a while, but now am feeling a great need to connect with others that "get it". My 14 yr old difficult child just started high school after being homeschooled last year. It actually started out great (She was so motivated!) and in just a few weeks the nightmare took over again. difficult child is tanking. Math and science grades are below a 20! She has difficulty making friends - has none at the moment. Is being teased and taunted by "everyone". I have a meeting next week at school to "officially" classify her as Special Education. and change her classroom situation.

    In a nutshell - she was sexually abused at a young age, her bio dad is deceased, she has Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) and I believe she also falls somewhere on the autistic spectrum (incredibly socially awkward! I am requesting the school has her tested by a neuropsychologist) and she has just come out as a lesbian. I am definitely a warrior mom and fight for her every moment of every day, but even though I fight the good fight I cannot be there every second of the day to watch over her and guide her through. She is an insightful, empathetic young person with so much to give and share, but she is being locked out of the universe so to speak. She is down on herself for doing badly inschool, upset that kids are making fun of her for being a lesbian (Oh, and did I mention she is 6 feet tall?!) and just lost her 7th cell phone in a year!

    It just feels like the whole world is crashing in on her. She is VERY open with me, but I still can't help being fearful that she will hurt herself or that this experience will damage her forever. It just makes me so sad - it's breaking my heart.

    There is a gay/straight alliance club at school which she attends. The counselor that runs the program has been great with her and actually sees what I see (first time that ever happened!) and he will be at the meeting as well.

    I don't know that there is a question in here so much as a scream in a dark room in response to the fact that generally people just don't get it. They don't understand what our kids (and we) are going through. It's always such a battle to get the proper resources. I don't know why I thought this year would be different. I am tired and my heart is aching for her.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. First off, I'd like to tell you that I absolutely think it is so awful the way kids and some adults treat folks who are gay. So many think it's a choice, and not just the way they are. I'm not like that though. Your daughter won my heart when I heard that. She has this extra hurdle. Ok, now that I said that, let me see if I can helpl you at all.
    My son is on the autism spectrum and he has friends this year. My daughter has Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) and Learning Disability (LD) and she is very popular. She was also sexually abused once. This is my advice: Take her to a PRIVATE neuropsychologist. Sadly, we have found schools to be ineffective in diagnosis (especially in picking out spectrum kids). There is a lot that can be done with your daughter, problems and all. There are social skills classes--my son goes to one once a month. It's an hour away, but it's worth it. He is really learning how to hang with his peers. He's not Mr. Popularity, but a girl asked him to homecoming and he has a little group of buddies. I wish your daughter went to my son's school. His group would accept her gladly. (((Big hugs)))
    Please do not depend only on school to figure things out. Welcome to the board :)