I have to find sanity somewhere in between hope and despair. That’s the thought I woke up to this morning, as I have many mornings through these years.
Tornado has been bouncing between the streets, bench warrants, jail, rehab and the latest- sober homes for 6 years. So it was one of many starts. Sigh. I just have to learn to stay even keeled through it all Nandina.
It is an all too familiar pattern. I am hoping that each time she practices sobriety she will come to see that chasing the dragon is much harder than sober living.
Thank you Nandina, your words of support and comfort mean so much. The sanity between hope and despair is prayer.
It does hurt KSM. My expectations lie somewhere within noting patterns, hoping for the best but knowing the challenges and not so subtle signs of repetitive behaviors. It is what it is. One thing that I have learned is that there is support within the system that Tornado can avail herself of. That will help me in the future to make better decisions as to dealing with that mother urge to overstep. Not that I regret offering my place for the few days before she entered the sober home. She was doing the work. Unfortunately, this relationship helped to steer her off course.
So true Fairy dust, the sinking feeling, the trying. The no control.
Focus on walking for ourselves and those we love. That is key. Hugs back.
I am telling myself that LMS, where there is life, there is hope. Trying to look at the positives that Tornado made it a little further than before. Hoping that she will reflect on those sober moments. Hoping that she will remember her own words of “How good it feels to not be on the streets and paranoid.”
Thank you so much LMS, hugs and love to you. I will be working on building myself back up and holding my two waywards in prayer.
Many thanks to all for your prayers and kind thoughts and support. I will be okay. Admittedly a bit dazed.
Leaf
