Dear New Leaf
I am so very sorry that Tornado again has gone off the rails. This is what I think and know: the quicker you bounce yourself out of her story and into yourself, the better you will feel and be.
Her story is NOT your story. You don't have to join her there. Yes, she showed a glimmer of hope, maturity, and understanding, but sobriety takes more than a glimmer. You always knew that. Whether she will put in the work, we don't know. None of us know for our children. It is desperately tragic for us. If we stay in their stories.
But the thing is, this is not all we have. Every single day, I have to tell myself that. That I had 20 good years with my son defined by love and hope. And I am called upon to sustain myself with the same love and hope. And, as much or more, I am more than my story as a mother. I am my story as a whole person. I am my own story. You are not your daughter's story. You are your own beautiful story.
Tornado makes her own story. And nothing can take away this past week of hope. She lived hope, even though she fell back. And so did you, live hope.
Looked at from the bright side, you had the opportunity to meet her and love her in the space of hope. That is a gift for her and for you..
She will remember and you will too. And maybe she will draw on it. I believe she will. I hope she will.
This was a good thing that happened. Yes.
She relapsed. And for a time, she could see and want that sobriety was possible for her.
That is a good thing, New Leaf.
Now, it is time for you to rest. And watch Netflix. Or read a mystery. That's what I do. I recommend Louise Penney.
