Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
It Could All Change In An Instant
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 764776" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>To be honest with myself and you all, at this point in processing, I feel as if I am caught up in a bizarre game. </p><p></p><p>Who knows is where I am at. I guess my heart and mind are seeking answers that I shall never know. I suppose it’s natural to go through the grieving steps, and I do feel a bit angry at this point, I feel duped. Manipulated. I know eventually I will pull up again, but after so many years of this “game”, I’m just tired. As LMS stated our waywards do not intentionally hurt us, it is addiction, but at what point do they realize the toll it takes on their family? Tornado went from that crying phone call to hours later texting me asking if her Temu order came in. Huh. </p><p></p><p> That is the thing, I belong outside of it. The other thing is managing to protect my heart walking that line if and when she decides to climb out. It is a hard learned process. Proceed with caution. Guard your heart. The truth is I will always love her. I do know that my love cannot save her, she needs to choose her path.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Underneath it all Copa, I do not regret having Tornado here those few days. It is disappointing that she chose as she did, but I do have to look at the silver lining. She was able to interact with family, to take a look at the other side. </p><p>I saw a part of her that I have not seen in a long time. I will hold on to that. </p><p>The tricky part is to love without enabling, to connect when she is taking steps towards sobriety, to hold myself together when she falters. Rinse, repeat. At this point, I feel like that phone call was her subliminal way to ask, but not ask to come home. She did not ask, and I did not offer. That was hard, but the right thing. </p><p>I will try to look at it as a success, that each step taken towards sobriety is a win. </p><p>She said that a friend told her if she does not get to detox on Monday, she will go to jail. “I have no choice!” She sobbed. “Of course you have a choice. Go to detox.”</p><p>It is completely up to her. The ball is in her court. I will remain prayerful and work at switching focus. Quiet my mind. I do know from experience that is important to process my emotions, otherwise it comes out as health issues. I have been ill with a sinus infection the past few days which plays a big part in my own recovery. </p><p>One thing that came to mind as I was writing- when Tornado first entered rehab three years ago, she was still at the point where her choices were “all my fault.” She told me recently that I should not take responsibility for her and her sisters choices, that addicts blame others so that they don’t have to feel responsible for their actions. </p><p>That’s a win. Hopefully those lessons learned in the classes she attended will stick, and that she will try again to work towards sobriety.</p><p>It is completely up to her.</p><p>Thank you for your kindness Copa. I really do appreciate your support and love.</p><p>Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 764776, member: 19522"] To be honest with myself and you all, at this point in processing, I feel as if I am caught up in a bizarre game. Who knows is where I am at. I guess my heart and mind are seeking answers that I shall never know. I suppose it’s natural to go through the grieving steps, and I do feel a bit angry at this point, I feel duped. Manipulated. I know eventually I will pull up again, but after so many years of this “game”, I’m just tired. As LMS stated our waywards do not intentionally hurt us, it is addiction, but at what point do they realize the toll it takes on their family? Tornado went from that crying phone call to hours later texting me asking if her Temu order came in. Huh. That is the thing, I belong outside of it. The other thing is managing to protect my heart walking that line if and when she decides to climb out. It is a hard learned process. Proceed with caution. Guard your heart. The truth is I will always love her. I do know that my love cannot save her, she needs to choose her path. Underneath it all Copa, I do not regret having Tornado here those few days. It is disappointing that she chose as she did, but I do have to look at the silver lining. She was able to interact with family, to take a look at the other side. I saw a part of her that I have not seen in a long time. I will hold on to that. The tricky part is to love without enabling, to connect when she is taking steps towards sobriety, to hold myself together when she falters. Rinse, repeat. At this point, I feel like that phone call was her subliminal way to ask, but not ask to come home. She did not ask, and I did not offer. That was hard, but the right thing. I will try to look at it as a success, that each step taken towards sobriety is a win. She said that a friend told her if she does not get to detox on Monday, she will go to jail. “I have no choice!” She sobbed. “Of course you have a choice. Go to detox.” It is completely up to her. The ball is in her court. I will remain prayerful and work at switching focus. Quiet my mind. I do know from experience that is important to process my emotions, otherwise it comes out as health issues. I have been ill with a sinus infection the past few days which plays a big part in my own recovery. One thing that came to mind as I was writing- when Tornado first entered rehab three years ago, she was still at the point where her choices were “all my fault.” She told me recently that I should not take responsibility for her and her sisters choices, that addicts blame others so that they don’t have to feel responsible for their actions. That’s a win. Hopefully those lessons learned in the classes she attended will stick, and that she will try again to work towards sobriety. It is completely up to her. Thank you for your kindness Copa. I really do appreciate your support and love. Leaf [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
It Could All Change In An Instant
Top