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It has been rough on me....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 461774"><p>Thanks Star... what you say is all true. I think actually I did more of that today than in the past. I really didn't reacto to his admission of drug use... I did listen and I did comment about his self sabatoging himself but I didn't react personally, I didn't act shocked, I didnt get upset. I basically asked him some questions so that he could think about things.</p><p></p><p>One of the things I have realized recently is that he does take in what I say and thinks about it later... when I do it in a calm, non judgemental, way. I am his mother and I know him and so sometimes I can see things and point out things others dont see so easily. It is really hard to hide from your mother even when you think you can!!! </p><p></p><p>But yes I absolutely can't fix this. I did not let him know or tell him how worried I have been. I am not sure he would care anyway. And we are going on with our life. I think he got that message when we went off on vacation for 3 weeks, even though he was arrested the night before we left. We went AND we had a good time!!!</p><p></p><p>And I fully believe he is looking to get help because I have stepped back.... as long as it was about what I wanted FOR him, he fought me and any direction I tried to push him in. Now I am suggesting but fully acknowledging and accepting that the choice is his. That is huge progress on my part... and yeah it is d***** hard.</p><p></p><p>I think the reality is that I know more about how systems work than he does. Part of that is because of what I do for work... I end up working with people with all kinds of problems. So I can give him information... but that is all i can do and what he does with the information is up to him.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 461774"] Thanks Star... what you say is all true. I think actually I did more of that today than in the past. I really didn't reacto to his admission of drug use... I did listen and I did comment about his self sabatoging himself but I didn't react personally, I didn't act shocked, I didnt get upset. I basically asked him some questions so that he could think about things. One of the things I have realized recently is that he does take in what I say and thinks about it later... when I do it in a calm, non judgemental, way. I am his mother and I know him and so sometimes I can see things and point out things others dont see so easily. It is really hard to hide from your mother even when you think you can!!! But yes I absolutely can't fix this. I did not let him know or tell him how worried I have been. I am not sure he would care anyway. And we are going on with our life. I think he got that message when we went off on vacation for 3 weeks, even though he was arrested the night before we left. We went AND we had a good time!!! And I fully believe he is looking to get help because I have stepped back.... as long as it was about what I wanted FOR him, he fought me and any direction I tried to push him in. Now I am suggesting but fully acknowledging and accepting that the choice is his. That is huge progress on my part... and yeah it is d***** hard. I think the reality is that I know more about how systems work than he does. Part of that is because of what I do for work... I end up working with people with all kinds of problems. So I can give him information... but that is all i can do and what he does with the information is up to him. TL [/QUOTE]
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