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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 192359" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I am sorry! I do the same thing (especially every September). We want so much to protect our kids and they know exactly what to tell us to get us in momma bear mode.</p><p> </p><p>Something similar did happen to us last week. difficult child said he was the only one who got his fruit taken away. After talking to the teacher, I found out that was not true and he did not loose fruit so much for talking as for not working on his work. He had only told me about talking. Withholding evidence - just like your difficult child withheld evidence.</p><p> </p><p>I try real hard to just work with difficult child on how to better handle the situation based on his view point; for example, he told me he lost fruit for talking so we talked about his voice carrying and he does need to focus on the task at hand, he must follow the rules. We also talked about an alternative, if someone is making you feel like you have to talk, point to the fruit, shake your head no and go back to work.</p><p> </p><p>If it is something more serious (like your difficult child's situation where he told you he felt threatened) than I usually go to the teacher with, "difficult child told me of something that happened. His viewpoint is......(or what he chose to share with me is....) Do you have any more info on the situation?" That way you don't react negatively to the teacher until you are sure you have the entire story.</p><p> </p><p>If I find out something bigger that I think I need to address with difficult child, then I will go back to him with, "I found out more info about the incident the other day. I would like to talk to you about it."</p><p> </p><p>It is really hard to do this early in the year but with practice you will get the hang of it. I know my difficult child's teacher are very open in being my partners in this. They will share with me the "other point of view" and listen to my ideas/suggestions on how to handle the situation in the future.</p><p> </p><p>It dawned on me last week that maybe difficult child was trying to tell me about this before the school did because he wanted to give his point of view first. If I am in momma bear mode, it may be harder for me to listen to the teacher's side or I might just go attack the teacher based on his words alone - that way he uses you to get back at the teacher.</p><p> </p><p>Last year I was told EVERYTHING! The teachers thought it was important for me to know EVERYTHING - even difficult child's main teacher said she felt sorry that I was hearing all the negative - however, with what we were going through, I had to know EVERYTHING even though it hurt me. This year I am not being told EVERYTHING because it is just everyday teacher/student interaction. If the teacher ever thinks it is more than a normal student behavior or their processes/procedures are unable to end it, I will get a call. </p><p> </p><p>So, keep following up on your difficult child's complaints - If you feel they need looking into, then you are correct to look into it - it's just that what you find SOMETIMES may not be what difficult child wanted you to find in your investigations.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 192359, member: 5096"] I am sorry! I do the same thing (especially every September). We want so much to protect our kids and they know exactly what to tell us to get us in momma bear mode. Something similar did happen to us last week. difficult child said he was the only one who got his fruit taken away. After talking to the teacher, I found out that was not true and he did not loose fruit so much for talking as for not working on his work. He had only told me about talking. Withholding evidence - just like your difficult child withheld evidence. I try real hard to just work with difficult child on how to better handle the situation based on his view point; for example, he told me he lost fruit for talking so we talked about his voice carrying and he does need to focus on the task at hand, he must follow the rules. We also talked about an alternative, if someone is making you feel like you have to talk, point to the fruit, shake your head no and go back to work. If it is something more serious (like your difficult child's situation where he told you he felt threatened) than I usually go to the teacher with, "difficult child told me of something that happened. His viewpoint is......(or what he chose to share with me is....) Do you have any more info on the situation?" That way you don't react negatively to the teacher until you are sure you have the entire story. If I find out something bigger that I think I need to address with difficult child, then I will go back to him with, "I found out more info about the incident the other day. I would like to talk to you about it." It is really hard to do this early in the year but with practice you will get the hang of it. I know my difficult child's teacher are very open in being my partners in this. They will share with me the "other point of view" and listen to my ideas/suggestions on how to handle the situation in the future. It dawned on me last week that maybe difficult child was trying to tell me about this before the school did because he wanted to give his point of view first. If I am in momma bear mode, it may be harder for me to listen to the teacher's side or I might just go attack the teacher based on his words alone - that way he uses you to get back at the teacher. Last year I was told EVERYTHING! The teachers thought it was important for me to know EVERYTHING - even difficult child's main teacher said she felt sorry that I was hearing all the negative - however, with what we were going through, I had to know EVERYTHING even though it hurt me. This year I am not being told EVERYTHING because it is just everyday teacher/student interaction. If the teacher ever thinks it is more than a normal student behavior or their processes/procedures are unable to end it, I will get a call. So, keep following up on your difficult child's complaints - If you feel they need looking into, then you are correct to look into it - it's just that what you find SOMETIMES may not be what difficult child wanted you to find in your investigations. [/QUOTE]
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