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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 572927" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Cheese, I'm sorry you're still going through this with your brother. I understand how difficult it is to live with an adult who has mental issues. You may want to read the blurb on detachment at the bottom of my post and share it with your parents as well. Unfortunately, as I've learned, nothing will change as long as you and your parents continue to enable him. He has no place to go because of his own actions. As I mentioned to you in your original post, it may be prudent for you and your parents to attend NAMI groups (National alliance on mental illness) or Alanon or any 12 step group which deals with whatever substances your brother is using. But, I think the point is that you and your parents need support to find solutions about your brother. He stole from you and you have every right to report him to the police, if there are no consequences for his behavior, why would he change. You are all making it easy for him to remain the way he is.</p><p></p><p>There are options for you and your family to change this situation however, it will take some serious steps. It doesn't sound as if you are willing to take them at this point. You are all colluding to keep your brother immobilized and although you believe you are helping him, by enabling him, you actually rob him of the ability to have a life of his own. Only by learning natural consequences will he grow up and become an adult. Throwing him out is <strong>not</strong> an easy path, in fact it is likely the most difficult heart wrenching choice you could make, because you would have to allow him to find his own way, he could be homeless, he could be in jail, he could make some really bad choices while he finds his way, and you and your parents would have to step out and allow that, so it is clearly NOT an easy path. However, it is a path of deep caring that you can let someone go so they can find their own way, that you can stop enabling them and treating them like a child and allow them to grow up. Being unstable doesn't give your brother a pass on life. There are steps you could take before you ask him to leave, and it you're interested in those steps you might read what others here have done. They're tough, but the alternative is that you and your parents continue to live with him while he holds you all hostage with his lying, stealing and laziness.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 572927, member: 13542"] Cheese, I'm sorry you're still going through this with your brother. I understand how difficult it is to live with an adult who has mental issues. You may want to read the blurb on detachment at the bottom of my post and share it with your parents as well. Unfortunately, as I've learned, nothing will change as long as you and your parents continue to enable him. He has no place to go because of his own actions. As I mentioned to you in your original post, it may be prudent for you and your parents to attend NAMI groups (National alliance on mental illness) or Alanon or any 12 step group which deals with whatever substances your brother is using. But, I think the point is that you and your parents need support to find solutions about your brother. He stole from you and you have every right to report him to the police, if there are no consequences for his behavior, why would he change. You are all making it easy for him to remain the way he is. There are options for you and your family to change this situation however, it will take some serious steps. It doesn't sound as if you are willing to take them at this point. You are all colluding to keep your brother immobilized and although you believe you are helping him, by enabling him, you actually rob him of the ability to have a life of his own. Only by learning natural consequences will he grow up and become an adult. Throwing him out is [B]not[/B] an easy path, in fact it is likely the most difficult heart wrenching choice you could make, because you would have to allow him to find his own way, he could be homeless, he could be in jail, he could make some really bad choices while he finds his way, and you and your parents would have to step out and allow that, so it is clearly NOT an easy path. However, it is a path of deep caring that you can let someone go so they can find their own way, that you can stop enabling them and treating them like a child and allow them to grow up. Being unstable doesn't give your brother a pass on life. There are steps you could take before you ask him to leave, and it you're interested in those steps you might read what others here have done. They're tough, but the alternative is that you and your parents continue to live with him while he holds you all hostage with his lying, stealing and laziness. [/QUOTE]
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