its been a LONG time -

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jisduit, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. jisduit

    jisduit New Member

    Hi all - I used to post under jmp2365 - you all helped me thru getting my son mandated and in a program - and all the emotional support - wow - so you know why I came back - lol

    Well that son - Robby - I put in a detox/treatment center for herion addiction on Thursday - but thats not why I am posting

    I need feed back on something different.

    My younger son (now 16) recently had a good friend that was "kicked out" of his house by his father. Mother passed away when the child was 15. He has since been staying here with us. I took him by "dads" today - and dad had his things packed up asking when are you getting all your **** out of here. The child is 17 still in school. I contacted social services - I want to make sure I dont get in any trouble. Dad was a school teacher and was discharged for having sex with a student and is thus not employed at the present time. Dad is convinced that his son is a failure - but in this child I see success. Dad receives survivor benifits - but isnt that the childs money ? Alot of dad's anger is bcause the child came to him and told him of his homosexuality - but the child says dad has also been very abusive - calling him his mommy baby wife. I want to help this child - but how ?? I have been getting him to school and work everyday - but I need to understand the legalities of what I am geting myself into -

    Any suggestions ???

    Oh by the way - yes my boys are now 23 and 16 - but since I last posted - I had a baby girl - Celine - she will be 2 next sat.

  2. Wow! I wish I knew how to help you. I commend you for attempting to help him, someone sure needs too. You said you contacted social services? That was a good step. Also, as far as survivors benefits, YES it is the child's money. I know, my kids receive it because of their father dying 3 years ago. It will continue until he turns 18, if he is till in high school at that time, it will continue until he graduates or turns 19 which ever comes first. If he is not living with his father, by law his father should have reported it to social security. Is he totally moved out of father's house? If so, I would follow up with social services, I don't know how it works, but maybe since he has been staying with you, they will let you foster him. I would also ask them what to do about the social security. I don't know if he can as a minor, call them himself and tell them that he hasn't been living in dad's house since such and such a date.

    I wish you all the best and keep us posted on this.

  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I wish I could advise you, but I'm just not familiar enough with how it works in y our country.

    Logically, the thing to do would be to be as honest as necessary with the authorities, who SHOULD (if the world is a decent place) give the boy some say in what to do and where to stay now.

    The father sounds like he's got a lot of problems and just isn't handling things well, in so many areas of his life. But in all situations where a child's needs have to be weighed against the needs of an adult, the balance should always fall on the side of the child, in my opinion.

    Good on you for being prepared to step up and help someone. Too often, other people would be too scared of taking on an added responsibility, or of antagonising the parent.

    I do hope it works out for the boy.

  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    If he is 17 he could apply as an emancipated minor but since he is close to 18 it may be a wasted effort.

    If you think this boy is not doing anything illegal I can't see where you are liable for anything. He needed a safe place to land and you gave him that.
    He should contact SSI to have his survivor benefits redirected to himself.

    We had a 17 yr old girl(friend of easy child) who needed a safe place to sleep for about 8 months. Parents never seemed to find a need to talk to me. After she was 18 she was able to get on with her life.

    Kids need to be safe. This young man was booted out. You didn't kidnap him.
    Takes a village to raise a child.

    Certainly checking with someone who knows the laws of your state would be good. You want to have a paper trail of doing the right thing for the right reasons.

    Congrats on the 2yr old.
  5. jisduit

    jisduit New Member

    Glad to se youa re still around Fran -

    I am taking him to Soc Sec on Monday - dad freely gave me his SS card and a copy of his birth cert

    So things should all work out

  6. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Nice to see you too.
    Some of old timers are still hanging around. Good luck with your visit to SSI.
    Give the boy an extra hug from me. It's not easy being a motherless child. Your contribution will help him know he isn't alone.
  7. jisduit

    jisduit New Member

    where is "ants mom" and "Did-I" and I cant remember them all

    Alex is such a great kid - I dont know if you saw my other post - but just having him here has helped me so much

  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hi. I don't know that I recall you from the old days, but welcome back anyway!

    When my Ex-husband left, he left behind a few things, including my step-son. I raised him to 18 and he's still "my boy". (my first difficult child, too) We just kinda kept things quiet about him not being "really" my kid. I signed anything he needed signed and we just kept our mouths shut and got by. I ddn't try to get any money for him, tho, I was always too afraid for that, and we were getting by without it. Wish I had some "real" info for you, but kudos to you for taking him in, and kudos to him for getting out of dodge, so to speak. Good luck!
  9. LoneStar14

    LoneStar14 New Member

    No added help here. I just wanted to say wow. You're just awesome for doing this for this boy. I think you're doing everything you should be doing. If I may--blessings to you!!!