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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 444181" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>There were a few things that helped with Wiz in the situation at the park. One, they knew the rules. Could recite them. But Wiz was hyperlexic which meant he read early, could recite the spelling and definition of almost any word by first grade (at 3 asked me what decapitation meant - think OJ trial headlines - last time we had a paper delivered while he lived at home) but actually understanding what teh definition meant was a whole other ball game. It took eight more years to meet a teacher who understood that and worked with him.</p><p></p><p>I would give them the rules at home. Then, right after we entered the park I told them again. I didn't just tell them, I got down to their level and made SURE that they were looking at me. If Wiz wasn't paying attention or was too distracted, I put my hands over his ears and got his attention and said them again. Then, about halfway through the playing time I called htem over, told them how much time was left, what the rules were, and let them go. This reminder made a substantial difference.</p><p></p><p>Another tool was to realize that often Wiz could be looking at me and not have a clue what I was saying because he was busy in his head. I would first make sure I had his attention. I used the chocolate pudding method - my own invention. Wiz and Jess and thank you are all major sweet-tooths. Want their attention? call out "chocolate pudding" or "chocolate chip cookies" or "cheesecake" and BOOM - all eyes and ears were on ME and what would come out of my mouth. I didn't just SAY it. The first two or three times I actually gave it to them and they did NOT expect it. The unexpected timing was part of the conditioning process. I wanted them to give me attention when I said it, so I made sure that I got their attention with those words. Then they didn't get it -that first time Wiz had a COW and a HALF! TOTAL fit, which I ignored until he got abusive. Then I restrained him which he hated but needed. After that he didn't get that out of control ever again over this issue. I did explain that I was saying choc pudding to get their attention and they would NEVER know if this was a time they would get the pudding or not, and that it might be other sweets. For husband I used salsa or some other spicy food because it is what HE likes. </p><p></p><p>After about 2 weeks Wiz didn't have fits over not getting the dessert or being called away from tv to pay attention to me. Largely, in my opinion, because if tv was the issue he darn well KNEW I had NO problem taking the tv away for a couple of weeks. If tv is the most important thing in his life then I am not doing my job and tv is too important and has to go away until appropriate priorities are restored. We had been going through that for several years with decent success (First week was awful and then the kids re-learned how to amuse themselves and didn't miss it a whole lot.) </p><p></p><p>another good tool is to have a treat or enjoyable thing to do after the park - IF they are able to leave without a tantrum. NOT without complaint, but without bad language or a tantrum. I often left the park earlier than needed so we could stop for a candy bar or a video at home before an errand. Or a game if that was what they liked at the time. Just some positive thing to help ease the transition from playing with others to getting dinner ready or running an errand or an appointment. Was it bribery? Maybe. But it set a precedent and got Wiz into the habit of leaving the park or a playdate with-o a tantrum. Lots of times it was NOT food or some new thing, but it got us to the point that we could leave for an errand with-o that treat/fun thing from the park with-o a fit. And that was worth the treat/fun thing. Heck, LOTS of the times it was food it was applesauce with cinnamon (the unsweetened kind) frozen into popsicles. My kids adored them so I kept them a treat used to get them to do things. Healthy for them, and yummy. You can also put cold bananas into an ice cream maker and freeze them into small portions - it is amazingly creamy and sweet and wonderful and I have yet to meet someone who likes bananas who doesn't think this is incredible and isn't SHOCKED that it is just bananas and NOTHING unhealthy like heavy cream and/or sugar. Just don't tell the kids!</p><p></p><p>I think getting to the bottom of the sleep issues will be HUGE. It may even solve most of the problems. I don't get the right kind of sleep and apparently haven't in decades. medications help sometimes but not always. The docs think this is a MAJOR reason I am disabled from the fibro. But no one really knows why. I do know that when any of my kids got into a pattern where they didn't sleep well the behavior problems were incredible. There were times when for a few nights I gave them benadryl to exhaust them and make them sleep. It would seem to break the cycle they were in and then things got better.</p><p></p><p>Just remember that you can say anything you want to a kid, but if they are not paying attention when you say it you might as well have screamed it into an abyss. Try the "chocolate pudding method" and make sure you have their attention when you give them the warnings that you must go in fifteen minutes, ten min, five min, time to go now. It can really make a difference.</p><p></p><p>Also remmeber that difficult child can likely LOOK at you and not be hearing you. Covering his ears gently can help cut out outside stimuli and help him pay attention to you. It also keeps him looking you in the eye, which also increases the likelihood he is paying attention.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 444181, member: 1233"] There were a few things that helped with Wiz in the situation at the park. One, they knew the rules. Could recite them. But Wiz was hyperlexic which meant he read early, could recite the spelling and definition of almost any word by first grade (at 3 asked me what decapitation meant - think OJ trial headlines - last time we had a paper delivered while he lived at home) but actually understanding what teh definition meant was a whole other ball game. It took eight more years to meet a teacher who understood that and worked with him. I would give them the rules at home. Then, right after we entered the park I told them again. I didn't just tell them, I got down to their level and made SURE that they were looking at me. If Wiz wasn't paying attention or was too distracted, I put my hands over his ears and got his attention and said them again. Then, about halfway through the playing time I called htem over, told them how much time was left, what the rules were, and let them go. This reminder made a substantial difference. Another tool was to realize that often Wiz could be looking at me and not have a clue what I was saying because he was busy in his head. I would first make sure I had his attention. I used the chocolate pudding method - my own invention. Wiz and Jess and thank you are all major sweet-tooths. Want their attention? call out "chocolate pudding" or "chocolate chip cookies" or "cheesecake" and BOOM - all eyes and ears were on ME and what would come out of my mouth. I didn't just SAY it. The first two or three times I actually gave it to them and they did NOT expect it. The unexpected timing was part of the conditioning process. I wanted them to give me attention when I said it, so I made sure that I got their attention with those words. Then they didn't get it -that first time Wiz had a COW and a HALF! TOTAL fit, which I ignored until he got abusive. Then I restrained him which he hated but needed. After that he didn't get that out of control ever again over this issue. I did explain that I was saying choc pudding to get their attention and they would NEVER know if this was a time they would get the pudding or not, and that it might be other sweets. For husband I used salsa or some other spicy food because it is what HE likes. After about 2 weeks Wiz didn't have fits over not getting the dessert or being called away from tv to pay attention to me. Largely, in my opinion, because if tv was the issue he darn well KNEW I had NO problem taking the tv away for a couple of weeks. If tv is the most important thing in his life then I am not doing my job and tv is too important and has to go away until appropriate priorities are restored. We had been going through that for several years with decent success (First week was awful and then the kids re-learned how to amuse themselves and didn't miss it a whole lot.) another good tool is to have a treat or enjoyable thing to do after the park - IF they are able to leave without a tantrum. NOT without complaint, but without bad language or a tantrum. I often left the park earlier than needed so we could stop for a candy bar or a video at home before an errand. Or a game if that was what they liked at the time. Just some positive thing to help ease the transition from playing with others to getting dinner ready or running an errand or an appointment. Was it bribery? Maybe. But it set a precedent and got Wiz into the habit of leaving the park or a playdate with-o a tantrum. Lots of times it was NOT food or some new thing, but it got us to the point that we could leave for an errand with-o that treat/fun thing from the park with-o a fit. And that was worth the treat/fun thing. Heck, LOTS of the times it was food it was applesauce with cinnamon (the unsweetened kind) frozen into popsicles. My kids adored them so I kept them a treat used to get them to do things. Healthy for them, and yummy. You can also put cold bananas into an ice cream maker and freeze them into small portions - it is amazingly creamy and sweet and wonderful and I have yet to meet someone who likes bananas who doesn't think this is incredible and isn't SHOCKED that it is just bananas and NOTHING unhealthy like heavy cream and/or sugar. Just don't tell the kids! I think getting to the bottom of the sleep issues will be HUGE. It may even solve most of the problems. I don't get the right kind of sleep and apparently haven't in decades. medications help sometimes but not always. The docs think this is a MAJOR reason I am disabled from the fibro. But no one really knows why. I do know that when any of my kids got into a pattern where they didn't sleep well the behavior problems were incredible. There were times when for a few nights I gave them benadryl to exhaust them and make them sleep. It would seem to break the cycle they were in and then things got better. Just remember that you can say anything you want to a kid, but if they are not paying attention when you say it you might as well have screamed it into an abyss. Try the "chocolate pudding method" and make sure you have their attention when you give them the warnings that you must go in fifteen minutes, ten min, five min, time to go now. It can really make a difference. Also remmeber that difficult child can likely LOOK at you and not be hearing you. Covering his ears gently can help cut out outside stimuli and help him pay attention to you. It also keeps him looking you in the eye, which also increases the likelihood he is paying attention. [/QUOTE]
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