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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Its been ages..some improvement but how deep?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 735044" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You have options as does your son. It's all about what you are willing to do and how badly your son wants to be a good adult. The latter is not within your control. You can only control yourself. It is not your responsibility to make your don go to work. He is a legal adult and if he doesn't want to work, you can't force him. But you can make it unpleasant for him if he won't. You can and I think should cut off the money. He isn't a little boy who gets an allowance. You don't need to fund anything for him. He might be more apt to work if you didn't. Why work? Dad and Mom will pay.</p><p></p><p>Your son has the option of working full time, going in every day and having enough money to sustain himself. Many 20 year olds are in the military or juniors in college or full time employees. Your son doesn't have to choose to be abusive and dependent. He has options.</p><p></p><p>What can you do for yourself?</p><p></p><p>You can give him twotmonths to figure it out then make him leave. Living with you has not changed him and usually doesn't. When is this man, your son, going to grow up? Most adult kids do poorly under our roofs and so do we...and we matter.</p><p></p><p>Vacation time : You have every right to lock your son out of your house while you are on vacation. Trust me, our adult kids are resourceful. He will eat, find couches to sleep on, do what is needed to survive. You know if he has access to your house that he will throw parties. No question about it. Why risk the obvious?</p><p></p><p>Do you see a therapist to help you learn how to best cope with this? Many of us found good help that way. It is hard to go it alone.</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 735044, member: 1550"] You have options as does your son. It's all about what you are willing to do and how badly your son wants to be a good adult. The latter is not within your control. You can only control yourself. It is not your responsibility to make your don go to work. He is a legal adult and if he doesn't want to work, you can't force him. But you can make it unpleasant for him if he won't. You can and I think should cut off the money. He isn't a little boy who gets an allowance. You don't need to fund anything for him. He might be more apt to work if you didn't. Why work? Dad and Mom will pay. Your son has the option of working full time, going in every day and having enough money to sustain himself. Many 20 year olds are in the military or juniors in college or full time employees. Your son doesn't have to choose to be abusive and dependent. He has options. What can you do for yourself? You can give him twotmonths to figure it out then make him leave. Living with you has not changed him and usually doesn't. When is this man, your son, going to grow up? Most adult kids do poorly under our roofs and so do we...and we matter. Vacation time : You have every right to lock your son out of your house while you are on vacation. Trust me, our adult kids are resourceful. He will eat, find couches to sleep on, do what is needed to survive. You know if he has access to your house that he will throw parties. No question about it. Why risk the obvious? Do you see a therapist to help you learn how to best cope with this? Many of us found good help that way. It is hard to go it alone. Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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Its been ages..some improvement but how deep?
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