Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
It's official - I'm a soon to be granny of a furbaby
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 555552" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Other good thing is, that i do believe they will take good care of the dog. girlfriend is a easy child and I also don't have any doubts about difficult child taking good care of a dog. He has always been responsible with animals even if not with everything else. Also a money thing is more of a pet peeve of husband. And if difficult child gets the funding for therapy, that is not something we could in anyway have any say, because we are not really helping him financially (as in giving him money, I still do take care of his finances to help him avoid relapsing.) And even if we would end up paying the therapy I don't really see that much of the problem in difficult child using his money to dog. We made it clear to him from the get go, that we would pay for therapy, if needed. It has been a clear deal that difficult child pays a certain (small) part that he would have to pay himself even if he gets a funding and which therapist insist he has to pay himself to help keep it in mind for whose benefit he is going to therapy. If he wouldn't be buying a dog, we would still not ask him to pay more. </p><p></p><p>And they do have financial means to take care of the dog. I asked difficult child to provide me an estimated budget of costs of having a dog before I paid a retainer from his account. It's difficult child's money but he has no access to it, our deal is, that I make sure he doesn't have access to more than little bit money at time, but I do not nag or make judgement on how he uses his money, as long as it is not gambling and he pays his bills and has an emergency buffer. Asking for budget was probably overstepping but difficult child didn't seem to mind. He estimated that costs would be between 100 to 150 dollars a month with vet insurance, vet costs not covered in insurance, food, equipment, toys and other things and they can afford that. To me it sounds reasonable and I'm sure they can stay in budget, well depending how many different colour collar & leach-sets, toys and cute hoodies or other not-necessary clothes the puppy will 'need.' If it would be my dog, the costs would be under 100 dollars a month. They also seem to have a realistic understanding how much a puppy will demand time and restrict their freedom. And they also have dog sitters available for them. As long as they stay together I'm sure they will do just fine with a dog and of course having something on their sole responsibility and having to share that responsibility will teach them many good relationship skills for future use.</p><p></p><p>So my problem is mainly that if they do break up, it is likely neither will be in position to keep a dog or at least it would be very difficult. And at that point they are trying to find someone from the family to take a dog. And I will likely be an obvious choice. And yeah, I will be attached by then. In fact I'm so much of a sucker that I'm already crumbling. difficult child has gotten sneaky and sends me puppy pictures (they visited the breeder few days ago.) The puppy is just so adorable. And difficult child just sent a cutest picture of himself and the puppy.I think I'm a lost case already <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>I don't really get why husband is so upset about the money part. To me it feels like he has just decided to be upset with difficult child and is just trying to find reasons. Because to be honest, it is not like we would be postponing the retirement to pay for difficult child's therapy. We are postponing kitchen renovation and having a new car. And it is not so many years ago, when we paid about the same amount for difficult child's different sports and music classes combined a month. And we are doing better financially now than then. But husband just stays miffed. It has been going some time now. I do get he was incredibly angry right after difficult child screwed up. That was bad. But he seemed to get over it and only this summer/fall he has started to nitpick everything difficult child does. I have even wondered that if it's about husband feeling guilty over old things and not being able to handle it and trying to convince himself that none of it was his fault but that difficult child is so faulty kid, he could not had done any better. This husband being miffed with everything related to difficult child seemed to start quite quickly after difficult child got diagnosed and that had made me wonder. I wouldn't want to be caught up between the two, because I love them both dearly but husband seems to feel the need to get also me to understand how faulty difficult child is. And that is not too fun.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 555552, member: 14557"] Other good thing is, that i do believe they will take good care of the dog. girlfriend is a easy child and I also don't have any doubts about difficult child taking good care of a dog. He has always been responsible with animals even if not with everything else. Also a money thing is more of a pet peeve of husband. And if difficult child gets the funding for therapy, that is not something we could in anyway have any say, because we are not really helping him financially (as in giving him money, I still do take care of his finances to help him avoid relapsing.) And even if we would end up paying the therapy I don't really see that much of the problem in difficult child using his money to dog. We made it clear to him from the get go, that we would pay for therapy, if needed. It has been a clear deal that difficult child pays a certain (small) part that he would have to pay himself even if he gets a funding and which therapist insist he has to pay himself to help keep it in mind for whose benefit he is going to therapy. If he wouldn't be buying a dog, we would still not ask him to pay more. And they do have financial means to take care of the dog. I asked difficult child to provide me an estimated budget of costs of having a dog before I paid a retainer from his account. It's difficult child's money but he has no access to it, our deal is, that I make sure he doesn't have access to more than little bit money at time, but I do not nag or make judgement on how he uses his money, as long as it is not gambling and he pays his bills and has an emergency buffer. Asking for budget was probably overstepping but difficult child didn't seem to mind. He estimated that costs would be between 100 to 150 dollars a month with vet insurance, vet costs not covered in insurance, food, equipment, toys and other things and they can afford that. To me it sounds reasonable and I'm sure they can stay in budget, well depending how many different colour collar & leach-sets, toys and cute hoodies or other not-necessary clothes the puppy will 'need.' If it would be my dog, the costs would be under 100 dollars a month. They also seem to have a realistic understanding how much a puppy will demand time and restrict their freedom. And they also have dog sitters available for them. As long as they stay together I'm sure they will do just fine with a dog and of course having something on their sole responsibility and having to share that responsibility will teach them many good relationship skills for future use. So my problem is mainly that if they do break up, it is likely neither will be in position to keep a dog or at least it would be very difficult. And at that point they are trying to find someone from the family to take a dog. And I will likely be an obvious choice. And yeah, I will be attached by then. In fact I'm so much of a sucker that I'm already crumbling. difficult child has gotten sneaky and sends me puppy pictures (they visited the breeder few days ago.) The puppy is just so adorable. And difficult child just sent a cutest picture of himself and the puppy.I think I'm a lost case already :winking: I don't really get why husband is so upset about the money part. To me it feels like he has just decided to be upset with difficult child and is just trying to find reasons. Because to be honest, it is not like we would be postponing the retirement to pay for difficult child's therapy. We are postponing kitchen renovation and having a new car. And it is not so many years ago, when we paid about the same amount for difficult child's different sports and music classes combined a month. And we are doing better financially now than then. But husband just stays miffed. It has been going some time now. I do get he was incredibly angry right after difficult child screwed up. That was bad. But he seemed to get over it and only this summer/fall he has started to nitpick everything difficult child does. I have even wondered that if it's about husband feeling guilty over old things and not being able to handle it and trying to convince himself that none of it was his fault but that difficult child is so faulty kid, he could not had done any better. This husband being miffed with everything related to difficult child seemed to start quite quickly after difficult child got diagnosed and that had made me wonder. I wouldn't want to be caught up between the two, because I love them both dearly but husband seems to feel the need to get also me to understand how faulty difficult child is. And that is not too fun. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
It's official - I'm a soon to be granny of a furbaby
Top