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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 527242"><p>RE - your discussion of acceptance of who they are vs their behavior rang very true for me and gave me some food for thought. I always felt absolute unconditional love from my mother, total acceptance for me no matter what.... but less so with my dad... that was more about what I did....Now I was a good kid and so I am not sure such an issue.</p><p></p><p>With my difficult child his behavior has always been an issue and as a parent you do have to correct and direct behavior so I could see that he may not feel acceptance from me although I try to let him know I love him unconditionally I don't think he believes it... and maybe to some extent its not totally true... or rather I love him unconditionally but I am not sure I like him unconditionally and from his point of view whats the difference? So my current path as a parent giving him options, but also setting boundaries but recognizing he needs to make his own decisions hopefully he can somehow get a sense of acceptance from me. I don't know.</p><p></p><p>I think my easy child daughter totally feels unconditional love from me but she has also never had behavior issues... and now she has the added view and knowledge that I still love her brother even though he has really made a mess of things!!</p><p></p><p>Sig... you make a good point. This age of 18-22 should be a transition period and yeah our kids jumped off a cliff and i had to kick my son out of the house and he knows he can not come live at home... and we have had to let him live on the street... Man that is so not the way it should be!!! It is definitely not the way I want it to be and it is painful and scary that that is where we are. I worry about his safety.... and so no wonder I get my back up a little when I feel like people tell me I need to let go or not enable him, when in fact I am letting him fall on his face more than any parent should at this age. It is what I have to do..... but my helping him look for options does make sense at this age. Thanks for that reminder..... </p><p></p><p>Last night my husband got some weird texts from difficult child, we are pretty sure difficult child sent them by mistake. Nothing overtly bad in them but they sounded to me like he was either getting or looking for drugs. Sigh... have not heard from him today and I think it will be another week or two before he is hopefully ready for treatment again.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 527242"] RE - your discussion of acceptance of who they are vs their behavior rang very true for me and gave me some food for thought. I always felt absolute unconditional love from my mother, total acceptance for me no matter what.... but less so with my dad... that was more about what I did....Now I was a good kid and so I am not sure such an issue. With my difficult child his behavior has always been an issue and as a parent you do have to correct and direct behavior so I could see that he may not feel acceptance from me although I try to let him know I love him unconditionally I don't think he believes it... and maybe to some extent its not totally true... or rather I love him unconditionally but I am not sure I like him unconditionally and from his point of view whats the difference? So my current path as a parent giving him options, but also setting boundaries but recognizing he needs to make his own decisions hopefully he can somehow get a sense of acceptance from me. I don't know. I think my easy child daughter totally feels unconditional love from me but she has also never had behavior issues... and now she has the added view and knowledge that I still love her brother even though he has really made a mess of things!! Sig... you make a good point. This age of 18-22 should be a transition period and yeah our kids jumped off a cliff and i had to kick my son out of the house and he knows he can not come live at home... and we have had to let him live on the street... Man that is so not the way it should be!!! It is definitely not the way I want it to be and it is painful and scary that that is where we are. I worry about his safety.... and so no wonder I get my back up a little when I feel like people tell me I need to let go or not enable him, when in fact I am letting him fall on his face more than any parent should at this age. It is what I have to do..... but my helping him look for options does make sense at this age. Thanks for that reminder..... Last night my husband got some weird texts from difficult child, we are pretty sure difficult child sent them by mistake. Nothing overtly bad in them but they sounded to me like he was either getting or looking for drugs. Sigh... have not heard from him today and I think it will be another week or two before he is hopefully ready for treatment again. TL [/QUOTE]
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