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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 527297" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>Thank you all for this discussion. I too am a worry wart-have lost soooo much sleep the last 3 and half years. I'm a fixer. I have helped many kids in my classroom-don't know that I have changed them forever, but teaching is helping to effect change. As for difficult child-I am not so sure. There are glimmers of hope at time. And then I realize they glimmer because she is about to pull a doozy or is doing something to get her way.</p><p></p><p>I too think addiction is an illness. Someday they will find a medical cure. We have had many discussions about the effects of genetics.They are powerful. Add in the lack of brain development as they are in active addiction and add in the brain damage from use and all you have is maladaptive behaviors.</p><p></p><p>I don't accept the behaviors or use as ok, but I truelly accept that difficult child will be who she is.( Don't get me wrong it is sad and I will grump about it and have eternal hope) That means accepting the mental illnesses and her lack of willingness to work on her behaviors. When she is willing I will be there to support her.</p><p></p><p>I think Insane is correct-the pain just doesn't go away. It can become less. I have noticed that I am getting better at not panicing when she does not come home at night. I use to get frantic. I have also stopped thinking about her waisted potential. I just don't think there is potential when someone has untreated mental illness or active addiction. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child has not always been a difficult child. She did share some of our values. She has always had a lazy streak and a tendency to put things off until the last moment. She doesn't see the harm in hanging around people who are classless (she thinks we are judgemental there). Our community is very mixed economically, religiously and ethnically (Unlike the greater part of this city). We wanted our kids to have a greater exposure to culture and develop tolerance. It has backfired-she seems drawn to the negative affects of this. She always had friends who had troubled families, financial problems, major disfunction. When she was young I had to do the transporting and the kids mostly came to my home because her friends homes were just not places to hang out for the most part. We took her to dance, music and volleyball on the other side of the city hoping that she would make friends with someone she had more in common with-never really happened.Most of her friends families did not have money to even send their kids to the local pool. But, she was a good kid and did well in school until Junior high. It all changed horribly. So you see, could not fix anything. </p><p></p><p>It makes me feel I have no control and that for me is the real issue. Getting control back of myself is my goal. Thanks Nancy for sharing-I completely understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 527297, member: 11001"] Thank you all for this discussion. I too am a worry wart-have lost soooo much sleep the last 3 and half years. I'm a fixer. I have helped many kids in my classroom-don't know that I have changed them forever, but teaching is helping to effect change. As for difficult child-I am not so sure. There are glimmers of hope at time. And then I realize they glimmer because she is about to pull a doozy or is doing something to get her way. I too think addiction is an illness. Someday they will find a medical cure. We have had many discussions about the effects of genetics.They are powerful. Add in the lack of brain development as they are in active addiction and add in the brain damage from use and all you have is maladaptive behaviors. I don't accept the behaviors or use as ok, but I truelly accept that difficult child will be who she is.( Don't get me wrong it is sad and I will grump about it and have eternal hope) That means accepting the mental illnesses and her lack of willingness to work on her behaviors. When she is willing I will be there to support her. I think Insane is correct-the pain just doesn't go away. It can become less. I have noticed that I am getting better at not panicing when she does not come home at night. I use to get frantic. I have also stopped thinking about her waisted potential. I just don't think there is potential when someone has untreated mental illness or active addiction. My difficult child has not always been a difficult child. She did share some of our values. She has always had a lazy streak and a tendency to put things off until the last moment. She doesn't see the harm in hanging around people who are classless (she thinks we are judgemental there). Our community is very mixed economically, religiously and ethnically (Unlike the greater part of this city). We wanted our kids to have a greater exposure to culture and develop tolerance. It has backfired-she seems drawn to the negative affects of this. She always had friends who had troubled families, financial problems, major disfunction. When she was young I had to do the transporting and the kids mostly came to my home because her friends homes were just not places to hang out for the most part. We took her to dance, music and volleyball on the other side of the city hoping that she would make friends with someone she had more in common with-never really happened.Most of her friends families did not have money to even send their kids to the local pool. But, she was a good kid and did well in school until Junior high. It all changed horribly. So you see, could not fix anything. It makes me feel I have no control and that for me is the real issue. Getting control back of myself is my goal. Thanks Nancy for sharing-I completely understand. [/QUOTE]
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