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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 527313"><p>Janet I am not picking apart your post. But I read it and wasn't really happy with it but I had another one of those annoying "ding ding ding" </p><p>moments. And this has been such an evolutionary post topic... So I am going to share it all with you.</p><p></p><p>I get that many kids leave home at 18 & many parents are really ok with that and can flip the switch from child to adult without a pause. I am not one of em. Never will be. I wasn't raised that way and didn't raise my kids that way. That said, I was thrilled when difficult child left for college; I missed him yes-but was happy he was at this junction. I had no problem letting go! Had he moved out to the military or to be a bus boy; I may not have been thrilled, but I would have accepted it. Again Janet-not picking on you- this goes back to my op on this thread-but there seems to be some societal implication that not being able to accept a kid's HARMFUL lifestyle choice (in my case-drugs) is due to a desire to control him. And my difficult child loves to try to twist our non acceptance into some parental plot to control him forever. </p><p></p><p>And this is my ding ding ding-I ACCEPT that I have no control over his life. I accept that he is my son & I love him unconditionally. I do not accept his lifestyle & will not support it. And since I accept that I cannot control or change him or his choices, i choose not to condone his ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, DISHONEST lifestyle by looking the other way. HIS LIFESTYLE is completely unacceptable to me. </p><p></p><p>I am willing to support him should he decide to get help.</p><p></p><p>I think accept is often a synonym for approve which is why I struggle.</p><p></p><p>I accept I have no control over him. I love him and will forever. I do not approve of his choices. I mourn the bright future he has blown while at the same time, I hold out hope he will come to his senses.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 527313"] Janet I am not picking apart your post. But I read it and wasn't really happy with it but I had another one of those annoying "ding ding ding" moments. And this has been such an evolutionary post topic... So I am going to share it all with you. I get that many kids leave home at 18 & many parents are really ok with that and can flip the switch from child to adult without a pause. I am not one of em. Never will be. I wasn't raised that way and didn't raise my kids that way. That said, I was thrilled when difficult child left for college; I missed him yes-but was happy he was at this junction. I had no problem letting go! Had he moved out to the military or to be a bus boy; I may not have been thrilled, but I would have accepted it. Again Janet-not picking on you- this goes back to my op on this thread-but there seems to be some societal implication that not being able to accept a kid's HARMFUL lifestyle choice (in my case-drugs) is due to a desire to control him. And my difficult child loves to try to twist our non acceptance into some parental plot to control him forever. And this is my ding ding ding-I ACCEPT that I have no control over his life. I accept that he is my son & I love him unconditionally. I do not accept his lifestyle & will not support it. And since I accept that I cannot control or change him or his choices, i choose not to condone his ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, DISHONEST lifestyle by looking the other way. HIS LIFESTYLE is completely unacceptable to me. I am willing to support him should he decide to get help. I think accept is often a synonym for approve which is why I struggle. I accept I have no control over him. I love him and will forever. I do not approve of his choices. I mourn the bright future he has blown while at the same time, I hold out hope he will come to his senses. [/QUOTE]
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