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i've had it with this kid truly
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<blockquote data-quote="1 Day At a Time" data-source="post: 404339" data-attributes="member: 3704"><p>Jena,</p><p></p><p>I have been amazed at your patience and your dedication to your daughter as I have read your emails. You are such a wonderful mother, and I can sense just how much you love her.</p><p></p><p>My first "real job" was working with teenagers with eating disorders at a local psychiatric hospital. I can tell you that eating disorders are all about control and they are a method of hanging on to childhood (and its dependency) at all costs. Think about how new parents are obsessed about feeding their new babies - the feeding can take over the entire household for a while. Then, that passes, and life gets back to normal. Your daughter is now "stuck" at that need to have everyone try to "feed her". She just can't get past it on her own.</p><p></p><p>I've been surprised that you have been such a strong part of her treatment, but I admit that I have been away from the field for many years now. At our hospital the minimum stay was a year - and parents could only occasionally visit. The bottom line was that the strong connection between the parent and the daughter was interrupted, and this change interrupted patterns enough to let real treatment begin. It also gave parents some needed opportunity for some rest and disengagement. I know that a year seems like forever, but a year can really help a young girl mature in the ways that she needs to mature. (I know that more and more young men have this problem, but our hospital only treated girls). I think that it is really, really important for your daughter to learn that she cannot control you by eating or not eating. It's an extremely difficult lesson.</p><p></p><p>I wonder if you can find a program that will enforce a needed separation? I can only imagine the cost (both financial and emotional), but I think it will provide a needed change up and break for you both. I'm keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers, Jena.</p><p></p><p>Valerie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="1 Day At a Time, post: 404339, member: 3704"] Jena, I have been amazed at your patience and your dedication to your daughter as I have read your emails. You are such a wonderful mother, and I can sense just how much you love her. My first "real job" was working with teenagers with eating disorders at a local psychiatric hospital. I can tell you that eating disorders are all about control and they are a method of hanging on to childhood (and its dependency) at all costs. Think about how new parents are obsessed about feeding their new babies - the feeding can take over the entire household for a while. Then, that passes, and life gets back to normal. Your daughter is now "stuck" at that need to have everyone try to "feed her". She just can't get past it on her own. I've been surprised that you have been such a strong part of her treatment, but I admit that I have been away from the field for many years now. At our hospital the minimum stay was a year - and parents could only occasionally visit. The bottom line was that the strong connection between the parent and the daughter was interrupted, and this change interrupted patterns enough to let real treatment begin. It also gave parents some needed opportunity for some rest and disengagement. I know that a year seems like forever, but a year can really help a young girl mature in the ways that she needs to mature. (I know that more and more young men have this problem, but our hospital only treated girls). I think that it is really, really important for your daughter to learn that she cannot control you by eating or not eating. It's an extremely difficult lesson. I wonder if you can find a program that will enforce a needed separation? I can only imagine the cost (both financial and emotional), but I think it will provide a needed change up and break for you both. I'm keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers, Jena. Valerie [/QUOTE]
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