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General Parenting
Jaded Perspective vs Reality
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 638898" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I am new to this forum but not new to the issues. My difficult child is 33 and have been dealing with his issues for close to 20 years now. I consider myself a seasoned vetran as I have endured my difficult child running away from home numerous times, being arrested numerous times, jail and prison time, drug and alcohol abuse, stealing from me, lying about me, vandalizing my home, abandoning his children, etc..... and he's been homeless for a little over a year now. I'm glad I found this forum and hope it's here for many years. Of course I do wish there was no need to have a forum like this in that all children/adult children did not have any issues.</p><p>My mother always taught me, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it" Instead of saying "you need to kick them out" you could say "you really need to start considering that you may have to kick them out" </p><p>We that have been through it and survived with our sanity intact for the most part and have much to offer, yet we did not arrive where we are now overnight. I know for myself it took years to work through the guilt thinking that it was somehow my fault, of course when your difficult child keeps telling you it's your fault..... I struggled with the guilt of telling my difficult child that he was not welcome in our home thinking I must be the cruelest person on the planet.</p><p>We all have to come to our own acceptance in our own time. Sadly, some never do.</p><p>I think the most important thing we can do is offer compassion and share our experiences, to let others know they are not alone. To help them understand that they don't have to live thier life in fear or shame, that they too have a life that is worth living to the fullest.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 638898, member: 18516"] I am new to this forum but not new to the issues. My difficult child is 33 and have been dealing with his issues for close to 20 years now. I consider myself a seasoned vetran as I have endured my difficult child running away from home numerous times, being arrested numerous times, jail and prison time, drug and alcohol abuse, stealing from me, lying about me, vandalizing my home, abandoning his children, etc..... and he's been homeless for a little over a year now. I'm glad I found this forum and hope it's here for many years. Of course I do wish there was no need to have a forum like this in that all children/adult children did not have any issues. My mother always taught me, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it" Instead of saying "you need to kick them out" you could say "you really need to start considering that you may have to kick them out" We that have been through it and survived with our sanity intact for the most part and have much to offer, yet we did not arrive where we are now overnight. I know for myself it took years to work through the guilt thinking that it was somehow my fault, of course when your difficult child keeps telling you it's your fault..... I struggled with the guilt of telling my difficult child that he was not welcome in our home thinking I must be the cruelest person on the planet. We all have to come to our own acceptance in our own time. Sadly, some never do. I think the most important thing we can do is offer compassion and share our experiences, to let others know they are not alone. To help them understand that they don't have to live thier life in fear or shame, that they too have a life that is worth living to the fullest. [/QUOTE]
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