Jaw Drop

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Apr 4, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It is simply amazing. I'm just sitting here shaking my head utterly dumbfounded.

    1. Katie manages to get hud by them not accepting M.

    2. Katie manages to get her rent/deposit paid by someone. (who knows who)

    3. If katie wants.....M has been basically "removed" from her life via circumstance that gives her a free ride to do so with little or no confrontation as it's not "her fault" but hud's that he can't live with them or visit them.

    4. Due to number 3, katie will get child support paid for the kids because it is required of separated parents when parent with the kids is using welfare. Again not "katie's fault"....so no confrontation probably with M over having to support his kids. So katie just gets the cash. Which also doesn't count as income for hud apartments so her rent will not go up due to it.

    5. The school and the shelter are going out of their way to get her as much household items as possible before she moves.

    And the one that kicked my temper into high gear the moment husband laid it on me as my foot hit the bottom step, before that first cup of coffee, before the first cigarette, still swollen struggling to breathe due to water retention, cold turkey from bed:

    6. Alex's disability has been approved adding at least nearly 700.00 per month to her income.


    Alex's fate is now sealed except for any help he gets at school because there is no way katie is going to do anything that might help his condition to improve thereby jeopardizing her monthly check.

    Evan's fate is now also sealed as she now has no motivation whatsoever to help him catch up to his peers, in fact the opposite is true. The worse he is, the higher the chance of him also getting disability.

    Why doesn't the govt just hand katie a lamented card that declares she never is required to work a day in her life for anything? Then at least anyone who comes into contact with her will know straight up what they're up against.

    Normal people spend years and endure endless doctor appoints, evaluations, and tests to get disability. All katie has to do is abuse and neglect her kids......let the school do a simple evaluation because she's too lazy to take them to a doctor.......and file for disability......and poof! she's got a monthly check.

    Pardon me while I empty my stomach. Gags me, really it does.

    I've since let go of the anger. Does no good.......and Nichole let me talk through it.....and together we managed to scrape up some "good" reasons for life to be handed to katie. The anger had nothing to do with whether or not Alex deserves disability because he does......and it will help him in the future as well if he needs it. It's the "let's just hand the girl yet another reason not to function as an adult" thing that sticks in my craw. Because between child support (and he'll pay at least 50 bucks per kid, is what he paid last time) and disability........and if you count in the dollar value of the food stamps........the girl is going to be living more than comfortably. Other than rent, she has no bills. Her cell phone is even free.

    The "good" thing Nichole and I managed to drag up about this............Is that for once katie has the means to be financially independent of M with no worries of even having to work for a living. So maybe she'll finally kick him to the curb. I mean life certainly could NOT have set it up for her to do so any better than it has done.

    Of course what we believe will happen? M starts hassling katie about hud not accepting him, that disability check looks big and fat to them.....she either gets evicted or skips out on the hud apartment, rents some dive.......and the scenerio of a decade ago happens all over again.:sigh:

    And the topper to all this???

    Alex's special award ceremony for Disabled Student of the Year is thursday. The whole family was going to turn out for him to show him how proud we are of him for working so hard. Katie told husband this morning that tickets to the ceremony are 5 bucks each. Guess what? I can't afford the 10 bucks to go.........seems I guess I'm just not difficult child enough. blah

    And then??? Katie asks husband if we would please drive her 40 miles to go sign the disability paperwork so she can get her check. FRS won't drive her, it's not a doctor appoint or work related. Us? I had easy child call me because she spotted gas 20 cents a gallon cheaper at a nearby station and got word that it's going up in town to 3.90 by the end of the weekend.........so I dug into my stash of babysitting cash I've been hoarding to hopefully get it to reproduce and gave him the money to fill both our tanks. Anywhere within walking distance.......we walk. Walking distance = 5 miles (until we're in better shape) But she needs us to drive her 40 miles one way to sign a paper. omg:sigh:

    Blows my mind. Once katie is situated in the apartment with the two incomes and food stamps......she will at that point be in better shape than husband and I money wise. :imok:
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Unfortunately, this seems to be the way of the world.

    While we struggled to pay off legal bills, BM was buying a brand-new big-screen plasma TV (though not paying ordered support). She got medicaid and food stamps, and told the kids husband wasn't paying support (though he was; the state was taking it for the aforementioned items). She was shopping at Abercrombie and Gap Kids and Limited Too, and had a free lawyer.

    We didn't qualify for SCHIP, because I make too much money. It's based on household income, and, well... Yeah. But we could not afford private insurance for the kids. (In fact, I could barely afford it for ME - and husband has the VA.) So the kids fell into the gap supposedly covered by SCHIP - hahahahaha. Meanwhile, BM was living high on the hog. Brand-new Chrysler minivan, loaded.

    I see my friends H & E - between them they have 5 kids. They're not the best with their money, but they try. They finally qualified for food stamps when H lost her job in October. Her ex pays support, at best, sporadically. His first ex is on SSI and does not pay support; and he pays support to his 2nd ex for their 3 kids. His ex (a sort-of friend of mine...) lives in a gorgeous house, has a pretty good income... The kids want for nothing there. She does work, I'll give her that.

    But you know, it's hardly fair. I'm hoping and praying Katie gets it together, for the grands.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Geez, I'm sorry that life is topsy turvy. I completely understad the financial frustration. GFGmom is an expert at milking the system. She never has enough money but they pickup dinner at least four nights a week, she buys lunch to take to work, she has been on two cruises and is getting ready for yet another trip to Disney or Sea World (which will include an over night stay as it's too too tiring to drive up and back) etc. etc. etc. She collected disability on difficult child for years when he lived with us and collects (justified problems) disability for her daughter. Her boyfriend gets food stamps. Her biggest source of income (other than her job which she has managed to keep) is a supplemental insurance policy that pays her every time she gets sick or injured. She gets lots of checks from them.

    She showed up two weeks ago with her difficult child daughter in tow. The car was on empty and difficult child had a Doctor's appointment. Could I please lend her $20 which she would absolutely pay back on Friday whe she got paid? I did. As always, she didn't. Meanwhile husband and I getting by in our 70's and she is planning how to get early retirement from the State. She is 48. Eh Gods. I understand. DDD
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    PS: Four or five years ago she claimed all three children as dependents when two lived with us full time. Unvelievable. DDD
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    (Take this paper sack and breath into it)


    AND ....

    go reread my reply to your other post but this time with sarcasm........

    now you should call HER and say SO WHAT ARE YOU GETTING US FOR CHRISTMAS
  7. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Have you considered (and you probably have) that Katie is a sociopath?

    Because if she is, none of this should be a surprise. The kids are merely objects for financial gain and sympathy (to manipulate).

    It's astounding to "regular" people, but they sure can work the system.

    Edited to add: Plus, sociopaths don't think anything is wrong with them or believe what they do is wrong. They know society disapproves, but ultimately, it doesn't concern them if they can get what they want.
  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Don't get me started! Whoops ... too late!

    This has always been one of my biggest pet peeves! It's not just Katie, it's the millions of other "Katies" that have learned to milk the system. No wonder the country is going broke! They get by perfectly well without ever lifting a finger while the rest of us get up and go to work every day and still struggle to make ends meet! Makes me furious! And I don't want to get political here but they make it so easy for them! If the government is paying for your rent, utilities, food and medical care while you do absolutely nothing, who would give that up to work a minimum wage job? I'm a firm believer that these things are supposed to be TEMPORARY, for people who really need them, a helping hand when you need it to get back on your feet. But they have allowed it to become a lifestyle.

    Please don't misunderstand ... I have absolutely no problem with government assistance for those who truely need it. Anyone can run in to a rough patch. People get sick, some have chronic conditions that prevent them from working, people lose jobs, lose their insurance. These people really need the help and should get it. But there should be ways of weeding out those who are perfectly capable of pulling their own weight but have chosen instead to let the government support them! Makes me feel like a damn fool for getting up and going to work every day for 45 years!

    And something else I don't understand because I've never had any personal experience with it - why do they pay disability for a child? What is this $700 a month supposed to be paying for? Is it supposed to cover medical or mental health costs? Extra expenses you incur for having a child with a disability? Was she spending $700 a month on this child before? Is it costing them $700 a month more to raise him than his siblings? Or is it just "gravy"? I can understand disability for an adult who is unable to work and depends on it for income ... but a child? I have actually heard of families with several children who have a nice monthly income by somehow managing to get every child certified as having some kind of "disability".
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Donna....the SSI which is Supplemental Security Income...comes from the Social Security Administration and it is for anyone who is disabled but has not paid in any money towards work credits for the normal disability insurance. Now with children, that SSI is supposed to help parents take care of that child who is significantly disabled from his peers and needs a parent or other caretaker with him in the home so either the parent or another parent can work. Now if its a single parent, that money may make up all the money that the parent could make unless the parent can find suitable care for that disabled child.

    Cory was initially found disabled when he was 5 years old after Duke Medical Hospital advised me to apply for him based on both his medical and physical disabilities. I had never heard of such things. Perhaps because of Duke, he was approved right away. I was never able to find appropriate care for him until he was in school for a few years and he was old enough to attend their after school care with a 1:1 aide. Then I started working full time. His SSI check was docked though to almost nothing but that was okay with me because he kept getting the medicaid which was the most important part...it kept the wheels turning on his mental health care. I could do without the money, his medicaid was invaluable. My BCBS wouldnt cover half the stuff Medicaid did. Now once I had to quit my job due to my health issues, his SSI went back up. With his issues getting worse, I dont think he will ever be well.

    With both SSI and SSDI, people are allowed to work some, just not a whole lot and it does depend on each program how much and they both have different sets of rules. Too long to get into here.
  10. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Hi Donna,

    I think it is usually a case of unintended consequences. Well-intentioned people over the years have seen these needs going unmet, and devised programs to address them. Often, in my opinion, the people devising the programs don't have a real good understanding of the problem, and end up leaving loopholes which unscrupulous people take advantage of. Unfortunately human nature and ingenuity is such that some people can always find a way to game the system. So then more laws and conditions and programs are devised to plug the holes, and it all gets so complicated and bureaucratic with layers and layers of administrators and regulators and oversight, all of it sucking up more and more money, while the system still gets gamed and the original needs still go unmet.

    I think it is the same dilemma for society as it is for us as individual parents - you realize that "helping" doesn't help, yet you have the strongest urge to do something - and in the case of many people with good hearts but no direct experience with difficult child-types, they really believe in the victimhood of so many they want to help.

    Still in spite of all the "fraud and abuse" I think there are lots of people with real needs who do benefit. Our difficult child has collected a lot of undeserved and downright enabling benefits, but on the other hand she has gotten treatment that she otherwise wouldn't have, which has a real benefit to society in keeping her off the streets and therefore not involved in drug-dealing, prostitution, shop-lifting and other crime, at least part of the time.

    I think with our unique perspective from both sides, it behooves us to advocate for truly effective help for those who really need it, while being able to point out how well-meaning programs and naive "throw more money at it" approaches can fail and make the problems they are meant to solve even worse.
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well said...
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have seen public programs from both sides of the desk. For years I worked for DSS as both a caseworker and then a fraud investigator. I have also received both medicaid and food stamps over the years and I now get medicaid because my disability check isnt large enough to put me over the income limits. I am extremely thankful for that because I couldnt afford me medications without it or my gaps.

    In my work I saw many people who I knew were scamming the system and I did my best to stop it but I also saw people who really needed the help and I went out of my way to get them everything I could. I miss my job badly. There are people at the state level who havent a clue. They suddenly cut funding for the fraud dept in 01 and said that fraud had gone away....lol. Yeah right. I alone was working up over $25K a month just in welfare cash and food stamps and billing over 400K every month in my third, Oxendine through the letter z. I guess they all paid up and no one lied anymore once I quit!
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet that is because you did your job so darn well! lol

    To me it would make sense to determine who gets a monthly check by the severity of the disability, especially for a child. I've known many many people with disabled kids that it was just not feesable for the mom to go out and work because the child required to high a level of care. Giving a check to such a family who are financially having trouble is a good thing. But while Alex is clearly disabled, he doesn't require a level of care that would make it impossible or even hard for katie to go out and work. He would be able to manage a day care setting if workers were education on his level of functioning. Here he's already functioning at a much higher level than he was in mo.......he has an awesome teacher whom I plan to give a gift of thanks for all her hard work at the end of the year. An amazing caring woman. But it would make sense to make the financial aspect relate to level of care the child requires.

    Currently, every time I talk to katie on the phone.........which has been an awful lot over the past couple of days.......I'm stunned cps has not been called in. Her true (old) colors of parenting are shining through and the kids are evidently basically running wild at the shelter. She has little or no control over their behavior. While on the phone she will scream at the top of her lungs at them. God forbid put the phone down and go stop the behavior. They, of course, don't listen to her. Just about every time I've talked to her Evan has latched on to the leg of the male director and refused to let go........with his mother screaming at the top of her lungs. If he's not latched on to the director, he's running around terrorizing and tormenting other residents or trying to destroy things. Alex and Kayla are almost as bad but at least if someone else speaks up they will usually stop.

    Amazes me. The shelters I stayed in, that pattern got cps called in and children were removed. The children in those shelters were far from angels, but the shelters expected and demanded they behave and follow rules......if the parent couldn't get them to comply they were either evicted or cps was called in, which ever best suited the situation. But in every case I saw cps was called in.

    Katie isn't cursing at them or even threatening them with punishment.......just constantly screaming at them to stop. Reminds me of like a 12 yr old trying to watch little kids for the first time. In private there is the cursing/threats. And the kids display the typical we know mom and dad won't move until they can't stand what we're doing anymore.......and push and push the issue until katie and M get physical. A pattern I've come to recognize in physically abused kids.

    The screaming though is annoying at best. I told her at least twice to put down the phone and go do something about it. omg I'm still shaking my head over the director letting Evan latch on to him and not doing anything. The man hides in his office to avoid the kid........so yesterday Evan started sneaking into his office to do it. ugh

    I wouldn't want to be her neighbor at the apartments.

    Today we're taking her to sign the paperwork. Still major irks me, but husband already told her we would. And it looks like Evan will be along for the ride. He'd better behave or he'll find out quickly Nana doesn't tolerate such nonsense. I have a feeling it's going to be a long miserable trip. ugh