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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 572448"><p>I agree with what others have said.... I think the journey to get out of the cycle of enabling an addict is a difficult one and not every member of a couple gets there at the same time. You have no control over anyone but yourself and what you do. So number one thing is to get help for yourself, definitely get therapy and go to alanon, hopefully a group for parents. I agree with PG sit your wife down and let her know you cant live like this anymore that you are going for help, you would like her to join you but if she cant then you go on your own</p><p></p><p>I would also be careful about diagnosing your son as a sociopath or anything else.... so many behaviors that come with personality disorders also are the result of what happens with substance abuse (ie lying, stealing, trouble with the law). Your son may very well have serious issues with mental illness but it is pretty hard to get a handle on those while he is using. We have very similar issues with my son and I do think he probably has a personality disorder but in the end none of it matters until he is ready for help.</p><p></p><p>This is along hard road that none of us should have to travel. Your wife is probably dying inside, is probably obsessed with the issues of your son and has a hard time separating herself from his actions. I dont know your wife so I could be wrong but I speak from having been in that place myself. So she needs support BUT you also need support and to find help for yourself.</p><p></p><p>There are many parents out there who have been on this journey.... and it is possible to live a good live in spite of what our kids are doing. I admit I have a hole in my heart that every now and then widens to a canyon, but most of the time I am living a much happier life than I used to. And the situation with my 21 year old son is not better... he is literally homeless on the streets of Denver thousands of miles away from home. But he is in touch some of the time, i can see he is still alive by his posting on facebook, he is starting to think about treatment (again) and so I wait until he is ready. In the mean time I enjoy by 17 year old daughter and my husband, friends, work etc. So it is possible to have a good life.... although i think if the addict is living at home it might not be possible to be honest. It is wonderful to have my home be my sanctuary where I want to be rather than feeling like I am living in a war zone.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 572448"] I agree with what others have said.... I think the journey to get out of the cycle of enabling an addict is a difficult one and not every member of a couple gets there at the same time. You have no control over anyone but yourself and what you do. So number one thing is to get help for yourself, definitely get therapy and go to alanon, hopefully a group for parents. I agree with PG sit your wife down and let her know you cant live like this anymore that you are going for help, you would like her to join you but if she cant then you go on your own I would also be careful about diagnosing your son as a sociopath or anything else.... so many behaviors that come with personality disorders also are the result of what happens with substance abuse (ie lying, stealing, trouble with the law). Your son may very well have serious issues with mental illness but it is pretty hard to get a handle on those while he is using. We have very similar issues with my son and I do think he probably has a personality disorder but in the end none of it matters until he is ready for help. This is along hard road that none of us should have to travel. Your wife is probably dying inside, is probably obsessed with the issues of your son and has a hard time separating herself from his actions. I dont know your wife so I could be wrong but I speak from having been in that place myself. So she needs support BUT you also need support and to find help for yourself. There are many parents out there who have been on this journey.... and it is possible to live a good live in spite of what our kids are doing. I admit I have a hole in my heart that every now and then widens to a canyon, but most of the time I am living a much happier life than I used to. And the situation with my 21 year old son is not better... he is literally homeless on the streets of Denver thousands of miles away from home. But he is in touch some of the time, i can see he is still alive by his posting on facebook, he is starting to think about treatment (again) and so I wait until he is ready. In the mean time I enjoy by 17 year old daughter and my husband, friends, work etc. So it is possible to have a good life.... although i think if the addict is living at home it might not be possible to be honest. It is wonderful to have my home be my sanctuary where I want to be rather than feeling like I am living in a war zone. TL [/QUOTE]
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