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J's amazing response to our help
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 100337" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>You did the right thing, Abbey.</p><p></p><p>For me, the worst thing about not helping is the way I would feel about myself. </p><p></p><p>Those feelings are the enemy, not J.</p><p></p><p>It helps me to remember that I made the decision not to help in a rational frame of mind, knowing there would be consequences.</p><p></p><p>But there are consequences either way.</p><p></p><p>Tell yourself now, if you can, that you refuse to suffer, that you refuse to be guilty or regretful ~ or to feel resent.</p><p></p><p>None of thse feelings are healthy for us. Suffering in that way does J no good, either.</p><p></p><p>So, you are free, if you choose to be.</p><p></p><p>Sunny Florida posted something about young soldiers in Iraq awhile back, comparing their situations and goals to those of our addicted or problem children. </p><p></p><p>That was so helpful to me.</p><p></p><p>I found a picture of young soldiers in Iraq, and taped it to the wall near the phone, to give me something to hang onto when difficult child would call wanting money.</p><p></p><p>It didn't make it much easier, but it did help me to do that.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening, Abbey ~ but it is something we all have to face when our kids are troubled. If you can refuse to let those feelings take hold, it will help you get through this time. (Sometimes, when I can't seem to let go of it, I remind myself that I just thought that same thought yesterday, or earlier this morning. Then, the feelings are easier to put away for a time.</p><p></p><p>Maybe only a minute ~ but that is a minute I got to have all for myself.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 100337, member: 3353"] You did the right thing, Abbey. For me, the worst thing about not helping is the way I would feel about myself. Those feelings are the enemy, not J. It helps me to remember that I made the decision not to help in a rational frame of mind, knowing there would be consequences. But there are consequences either way. Tell yourself now, if you can, that you refuse to suffer, that you refuse to be guilty or regretful ~ or to feel resent. None of thse feelings are healthy for us. Suffering in that way does J no good, either. So, you are free, if you choose to be. Sunny Florida posted something about young soldiers in Iraq awhile back, comparing their situations and goals to those of our addicted or problem children. That was so helpful to me. I found a picture of young soldiers in Iraq, and taped it to the wall near the phone, to give me something to hang onto when difficult child would call wanting money. It didn't make it much easier, but it did help me to do that. I am sorry this is happening, Abbey ~ but it is something we all have to face when our kids are troubled. If you can refuse to let those feelings take hold, it will help you get through this time. (Sometimes, when I can't seem to let go of it, I remind myself that I just thought that same thought yesterday, or earlier this morning. Then, the feelings are easier to put away for a time. Maybe only a minute ~ but that is a minute I got to have all for myself. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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