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JT's ADHD and Risk-Seeking Behavior
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 398101" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It sounds to me like peer involvement is very much an issue here. His friends know what he has done and are covering it up. They think it is funny. So they are also a big part of the problem and will continue to be a big part of the problem while ever they are around.</p><p></p><p>So first - limit the friends. It doesn't matter if he is missing out on social interaction, if the alternative is BAD social influence!</p><p></p><p>Next - consequences. He already has a record, and this could prevent him being permitted to teach children. Ever. Second, he has incurred costs because other people (not you) have decided that he owes money for fines and for repairs. He must pay for this, and he needs to see the list written down, of the problems he has caused. As for the damage to himself - he laughed that off, but at some level, he must realise (if not now, then hopefully one day) just how dangerous that was.</p><p></p><p>Drivers licence - here, he wouldn't get it. He certainly wouldn't keep it. In Australia, a speeding ticket like that one in the first three years of driving, would be instant loss of licence. You don't get the licence back until you go through the same provisional process. Here the licence can't be tested for until you're at least 17. </p><p></p><p>He wouldn't be permitted to drive my car. Ever. Again. There are rules, and he broke those rules. No exceptions. So yes, get him a clunker. Or better still, take him to get his own. With his money.</p><p></p><p>As for college - I'd be finding a college option that allows him to stay in your home, under your supervision. Correspondence, even. Certainly no going away to college. Instead, if there is no option that allows him to stay home, he can go get a job. In a few years time, maybe he can go to college then. There are alternative study pathways here for exactly this reason. Surely you have them too, in the US? If you haven't, then campaign for them. For this very reason!</p><p></p><p>I know it is seen as a sort of rite of passage, for kids to leave home to go to college. But it is a peculiarly US thing. Parents footing the bill - again, a US thing. The trouble is, it gets seen as a right, when in fact is is very much a privilege. A difficult child who has demonstrated that he just is not ready to be responsible, has not earned that privilege. However, there have to be alternative routes.</p><p></p><p>If all else fails - move to Australia. Go up north where, if he wants thrills, he can jump on crocodiles Steve Irwin style. Frankly, living here is enough of a thrill (in terms of having to watch where you put your feet, especially in summer). Even our impulsive kids have enough common sense to be safe from snakes and spiders. So any kids he would be around, would probably keep him safer than his current "mates".</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 398101, member: 1991"] It sounds to me like peer involvement is very much an issue here. His friends know what he has done and are covering it up. They think it is funny. So they are also a big part of the problem and will continue to be a big part of the problem while ever they are around. So first - limit the friends. It doesn't matter if he is missing out on social interaction, if the alternative is BAD social influence! Next - consequences. He already has a record, and this could prevent him being permitted to teach children. Ever. Second, he has incurred costs because other people (not you) have decided that he owes money for fines and for repairs. He must pay for this, and he needs to see the list written down, of the problems he has caused. As for the damage to himself - he laughed that off, but at some level, he must realise (if not now, then hopefully one day) just how dangerous that was. Drivers licence - here, he wouldn't get it. He certainly wouldn't keep it. In Australia, a speeding ticket like that one in the first three years of driving, would be instant loss of licence. You don't get the licence back until you go through the same provisional process. Here the licence can't be tested for until you're at least 17. He wouldn't be permitted to drive my car. Ever. Again. There are rules, and he broke those rules. No exceptions. So yes, get him a clunker. Or better still, take him to get his own. With his money. As for college - I'd be finding a college option that allows him to stay in your home, under your supervision. Correspondence, even. Certainly no going away to college. Instead, if there is no option that allows him to stay home, he can go get a job. In a few years time, maybe he can go to college then. There are alternative study pathways here for exactly this reason. Surely you have them too, in the US? If you haven't, then campaign for them. For this very reason! I know it is seen as a sort of rite of passage, for kids to leave home to go to college. But it is a peculiarly US thing. Parents footing the bill - again, a US thing. The trouble is, it gets seen as a right, when in fact is is very much a privilege. A difficult child who has demonstrated that he just is not ready to be responsible, has not earned that privilege. However, there have to be alternative routes. If all else fails - move to Australia. Go up north where, if he wants thrills, he can jump on crocodiles Steve Irwin style. Frankly, living here is enough of a thrill (in terms of having to watch where you put your feet, especially in summer). Even our impulsive kids have enough common sense to be safe from snakes and spiders. So any kids he would be around, would probably keep him safer than his current "mates". Marg [/QUOTE]
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