Just a thought from the inside...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ladunn421, Jan 30, 2012.

  1. ladunn421

    ladunn421 New Member

    I found this website while searching for the "accepted reasoning" of why some children are extemely oppositional, seem determined to break every rule and do exactly whatever it is they want regardless of the consequences to anyone. I had this question in mind no about any child I'm in contact with today but because I wanted to see how others explained the very thing I was most of my life, and to a large degree still am although I've certainly learned to be socially appropriate about it.

    Now I'm simply throwing this out there and I'm sure I'm about to get several people who think I'm speaking globally or misunderstand my intent. The post I actually wanted to reply to was one about "can ODD mean gifted?" This was such an old post I was unable to reply but I think someone out there will benefit from what I've got to say.

    First...I was your problem child. I probably made your problem child look like Ghandhi. Everyone...EVERYONE KNEW ME. I raged, I did everything I was told not to do...in fact I was going to do the exact opposite. I acted up anywhere I felt the need to..not just at home. I had no fear of consequences or authority. I had it 100% in my head that I was going to do what I wanted and I didn't feel a single bit of remorse over "showing I was gonna keep it that way..."

    I hit adults, family members, TEACHERS...a teacher by the fourth grade in the face. My mother tried to have me put in "homes." Thankfully back in those days they didn't really exist unless you had criminal charges. She did eventually pay someone ELSE to keep me. By 12..I was stealing the car, having sex, doing drugs and by 14 I was leaving the state in the stolen car without a single bit of regard for my mother stuck at work at midnight hours away with no way home at all.

    There simply isn't the space to go through the entire story or the time. Needless to say, just like maybe your kid I made grades like 9...YEAH 9 and 18. I'd walk right off the Jr high campus if they tried to "correct me..." If there was a rule to break, let's just cut to it...I made sure I did it. I had this sense that "no one was going to tell me what to do..." If it was fun...I had seemingly no brakes, I did it.

    I was very manipulative and could wear you down until you finally gave in. Bottom line...I was smarter than everyone in supposed charge of me and knew it worked last time..so why not do it again? It's another good reason I am NOT growing up today because the minute you gave me the term "disorder" I'd have said to myself...."oh...well I can't help it." I'd have used it to the max...it would have been a god blessed license. If I didn't fit the description of not only Conduct Disorder, no one ever did..I'm sure many had prematurely moved me onto sociopath.

    I thank god, for myself I grew up in the day I did because it allowed me to work out my own problems, and don't get me wrong I'm well away not everyone like me did. What changed it was the PAY OFF FOR DOING RIGHT became larger than the pay off for not. That sums it up for me. I hope that is clear to those that it applies to. Just as I was gonna "prove" I was going to do what I wanted prior to...when it became more important to prove I could do right...I DID IT.

    I have a ninth grade education...and a master's degree all BECAUSE of my oppositional behavior, Conduct d/o...etc. That's right..you heard me, it's BECAUSE of that charecteristic. I skipped all of high school because of this "problem..." Yes, it is a problem but for me and I'm sure some others it's the biggest strength I've ever had!

    Now again I don't think this applies to all children, everyone has different issues and naturally there are different solutions but has anyone ever considered the amount of brains it takes to be these oppositional kids?? How many times have the fooled you...or had you eating your own words about what the "rules were." I'm really suprised how little is said about this, because this is kinda what I was looking for tonight, some of those kids don't have a disorder...THEY HAVE POTENTIAL. Yeah...Potential. Tons of it...now it's a coin toss what that potential goes towards.

    It's a rather funny thing that the profession I ended in was "Psychiatry." Regardless I still don't have to run with the pack...you can put every atypical antipsychotic, mood stabilizer....stimulant..whatever on these kids and all you are doing is weighting down their strength. Now again I'm speaking of a SPECIFIC TYPE OF CHILD...but in general terms is the issue of behavioral problems getting better with this current approach? Ask yourself that...just ask yourself. To those parents of the kids described above- do yourself a favor and give them "something to prove..." I bet they will run circles around all those well behaved kids!! Will that be easy to accomplish for the parent (s) of these kids? NO!! Well many things aren't easy...is what your dealing with now easy?? So what is it you have to lose? Again, I'm referring to a specific type/group of kids. Maybe some kids are simply different for a reason and just because they are different doesn't make it a "disorder." It makes them special and perhaps capable of doing things most can't do. For those with kids fitting this description, just consider it.