Bette,
I am glad you are here. Did you try those child grieving message boards I sent you? Although, I think you (me too) can get wonderful support here, there were some things I was going through that I realized lots of others who have lost a child went through.
Don't be worried about feeling preoccupied and sad all of the time. This is normal. Allow yourself to feel the grief. You have no choice but to feel like crud. There were many days on my days off that were spent in bed. I got dressed only when my son came home from school and then I watched TV on the couch till I fell asleep again. Sometimes still the pain overwhelms me and I just turn my thought process around and run the other way. It's just too hard and too intense to digest all at once.
A year into my grief I found out that I wasn't as tired as I used to be. I guess my depression had lifted. I can have some very good days. Then I can have some horrible days. This is all normal.
I am glad compassionate friends is helpful There are people you can call in between meetings for support.
The grieving message boards do not have as much action as here. Maybe you can find some peace there. I don't know. Everybody grieves differently.
Some day not all of your waking moments will be filled with raw pain, shock and sadness. Our hearts heal. Slowly. There are some moms here who have lost children a long time ago. It gives me hope that after time, we can feel better. I am looking forward to the day that his memory brings me much happiness, I am not there yet. (But I don't think a mom ever recovers fully.)
Please come here and post or PLEASE call me. I think I sent you my phone #.
Take care of yourself, indulge in all day cry sessions or sleep sessions. Whatever it takes to get through the most difficult days of your life.
I know we are all here for you.
(((((HUGS)))))
