Just checking in


New Member
It's been 2 weeks now, no updates on who did this to my Tim.

I just wanted to let you all know that. I've not been doing well at all, my heart has been ripped out. It's hard to talk about. I did go to a meeting a place called Compassionate Friends, it was hard, but it felt right.

My oldest is still not doing well at all. He cries all the time. Then he is angry and takes it out on me.

I wish I knew what to do, but I don't even know what to do for me. I feel like I'm living in a time capsule. Everyone is moving on in life, and I'm stuck there on that night. Never ever forgeting every detail. That night only, I can't remember much after during the services.

He had many people come, it was over 4 hours long. God bless my baby. I'm so sad everyone, please pray that I can get thru this, I feel like there is a big whole inside my chest. Please pray for my family that we stay strong. And my boys, that they can heal.



I've been thinking about you. Glad you posted.

I wouldn't know what to do either, Bette. Grief counseling and time?

I hope the authorities get the person or persons who did this very soon.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Big hugs.


Well-Known Member
There were many weeks that I could not recall after losing my son. The fog will disperse - even if you do not want it to.

It is important to keep your support system intact for when that fog starts to get thinner and your life does begin to move forward. Compassionate Friends is a good place to go. If it felt right, keep going.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. So are your sons. All of them. Tim. too.
I know the importance of people using Tim's name. It is like a beautiful song to you. Do not be afraid to tell people around you that you love to hear his name.



No real answers to life..
Its good to reach out now, can't even imagine the pain you must be going thru.....thinking of you and your family and sending strength to help you at this time.....


Well-Known Member
I, too, have been thinking of you and hoping that the pain is easing ever so slightly. It is wonderful that you have a Compassionate Friends nearby and that it feel right to you. I do
not know your pain but I know from my times of extreme neediness
and stress that the middle of the night was usually when support
was most needed. Have you explored the Compassionate Friends
webiste? I looked for you and for my sisters best friend and it
seems that there is a message board on the far left of the home
page. I did not presume to register to check it out because it
seemed inappropriate for me to do, but if it is a message board
it might provide comfort and support for you when you are alone
and grieving.

Please continue to check in with us. We all really do care and
hope it will improve for you before long. Hugs. DDD


Former desparate mom
Bette, you have been in the back of my mind also. I don't know what could help but more time and some Compassionate Friends. Maybe they can give you some suggestions to help yourself and how to direct your son to help himself.
You won't be far from our thoughts.
Dear Bette,

You have been on my mind and I am glad you are keeping in touch. You are in my prayers that you will get through this. You are taking positive steps to do so. Remember that grieving is a process and it takes time.

Sending strength and love.


Active Member
God be with you and your family to help heal you and hold you thru the heartache you feel. it takes a lot of time. be patient with yourself. sigh.


Active Member
Keep checking in Bette. It's good that you went to Compassionate Friends. Know that we care and are always here.

Still thinking of you and yours and sending you some cyber strength.


I have been thinking of you often.I've been listening to the news and reading the papers to see if there is any break in your son's case (I live in the 'burbs and grew up not far from your neighborhood).

There are no words to convey my deep sadness. Please continue to feel the support of all here. Compassionate Friends is an excellent place, too.


Well-Known Member
Please continue to reach out to us and to others. Tim's death is something that has touched us all, much as his life has. We won't forget him. Continued prayers for peace and justice.


Active Member
I am glad you are here. Did you try those child grieving message boards I sent you? Although, I think you (me too) can get wonderful support here, there were some things I was going through that I realized lots of others who have lost a child went through.

Don't be worried about feeling preoccupied and sad all of the time. This is normal. Allow yourself to feel the grief. You have no choice but to feel like crud. There were many days on my days off that were spent in bed. I got dressed only when my son came home from school and then I watched TV on the couch till I fell asleep again. Sometimes still the pain overwhelms me and I just turn my thought process around and run the other way. It's just too hard and too intense to digest all at once.

A year into my grief I found out that I wasn't as tired as I used to be. I guess my depression had lifted. I can have some very good days. Then I can have some horrible days. This is all normal.

I am glad compassionate friends is helpful There are people you can call in between meetings for support.

The grieving message boards do not have as much action as here. Maybe you can find some peace there. I don't know. Everybody grieves differently.

Some day not all of your waking moments will be filled with raw pain, shock and sadness. Our hearts heal. Slowly. There are some moms here who have lost children a long time ago. It gives me hope that after time, we can feel better. I am looking forward to the day that his memory brings me much happiness, I am not there yet. (But I don't think a mom ever recovers fully.)

Please come here and post or PLEASE call me. I think I sent you my phone #.

Take care of yourself, indulge in all day cry sessions or sleep sessions. Whatever it takes to get through the most difficult days of your life.

I know we are all here for you.


timer lady

Queen of Hearts
Sending many prayers out your way with many gentle (((hugs))).

Please talk as much as you need - find & take the time to heal.