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Just found this group and SO grateful!
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 410337" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hello. Really sorry you are going through such a stressful time. I understand your honest feelings <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I too am new to this forum and have just got a copy of "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0061906190/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1299079510&sr=1-1" target="_blank">The Explosive Child</a>" which I can see is absolutely relevant to my own case and is going to be a valuable tool indeed.... My son is only four but already I can see how my behaviour with him really alters his own... It is hard to admit - and I don't mean to widen this out to a general rule - but until recently I haven't been very focused on how best to handle my son when he is being oppositional or "difficult". I have just got angry and stressed myself - which just made things much, much worse (of course?) More recently I have been more attentive and more "parental", basically because I cannot live in such conditions of horrible tantrums, rages, etc, in the sense that I have stopped trying to impose my will on my son and I have also stopped judging and condemning him for his obstinacy and rages (as though he was just being a spoilt brat). Feeling more compassion and understanding makes me want to reach out and help him in his difficulties of dealing with frustration, etc, rather than "punish" him. And, lo and behold, his behaviour has got better and we are not locked in such terrible battle all the time... But it's not all going to be plain sailing. There are troubled waters ahead, for sure... But I want to learn how to navigate through them rather than just getting caught up in the storm all the time! I am not at all saying this is "our fault" or being bad parents or any of that. I am just saying that we have been dealt the hand we have been dealt in having "difficult" children and different methods HAVE to be used with them rather than the ones we have tried and failed at...</p><p>Do read the book! It's good...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 410337, member: 11227"] Hello. Really sorry you are going through such a stressful time. I understand your honest feelings :-) I too am new to this forum and have just got a copy of "[URL="http://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0061906190/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1299079510&sr=1-1"]The Explosive Child[/URL]" which I can see is absolutely relevant to my own case and is going to be a valuable tool indeed.... My son is only four but already I can see how my behaviour with him really alters his own... It is hard to admit - and I don't mean to widen this out to a general rule - but until recently I haven't been very focused on how best to handle my son when he is being oppositional or "difficult". I have just got angry and stressed myself - which just made things much, much worse (of course?) More recently I have been more attentive and more "parental", basically because I cannot live in such conditions of horrible tantrums, rages, etc, in the sense that I have stopped trying to impose my will on my son and I have also stopped judging and condemning him for his obstinacy and rages (as though he was just being a spoilt brat). Feeling more compassion and understanding makes me want to reach out and help him in his difficulties of dealing with frustration, etc, rather than "punish" him. And, lo and behold, his behaviour has got better and we are not locked in such terrible battle all the time... But it's not all going to be plain sailing. There are troubled waters ahead, for sure... But I want to learn how to navigate through them rather than just getting caught up in the storm all the time! I am not at all saying this is "our fault" or being bad parents or any of that. I am just saying that we have been dealt the hand we have been dealt in having "difficult" children and different methods HAVE to be used with them rather than the ones we have tried and failed at... Do read the book! It's good... [/QUOTE]
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