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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 733729" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I'm sorry he put you through this. I have different ideas about the lack of empathy as many people with poor self esteem have much empathy for others.</p><p></p><p>A few thoughts. He doesn't care about anyone because the thing he really loves is his substance of choice. Then again, he sounds very self absorbed and full of self pity. I feel there is no excuse for an adult child to forget that we have feelings too....it is childlike and not a good trait and it is time for him to grow up but you can't do anything about it. To me it doesn't sound as if he doesn't care about himself in spite of his words. Words are cheap. Actions matter. His</p><p> actions and lack of caring toward you sound to me as if the only person he cares about is himself and that he cares about himself very much...maybe more than anyone else. And he knows how to play you for pity. Maybe he hopes you will throw him a ton of money so he can work less hard.</p><p></p><p>My oldest is a bit like your son in that he rejects all my suggestions so his life is always the same as he won't make changes. His life is not exactly a mess but he is lonely too and has anxiety but won't get treatment. He did call to wish me Happy Mother's Day then it turned into a whoa is me conversation all about himself. He rarely talks about anyone but himself and his troubles.</p><p></p><p>I have stopped suggesting anything because it is useless. At your son's age, and mine, they can not be helped by us. They have to do it themselves or else they will stay the same. You can only control one person in the world...yourself. You can talk to your son 24/7 and he won't change until HE decides to. And in my opinion it is not your business to ask about his relationship. It's intrusive. He is a man even if he doesn't act like one.</p><p></p><p>I personally wouldn't listen to that degree of self centered pity. It would bother me...I would probably say I had to go. I do that often with my oldest. If it starts to get too long and depressing I make an excuse to get off. You are important and your stress and mental health matters. That can't be good for your mental health.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you have other kids, like I do, and could enjoy part of your Mother's Day with them. You deserve it! I always have so much fun with my other three but they do not let anything stop them from being happy and are very loving. I wish my oldest would engage with them, but he won't (shrug).</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 733729, member: 1550"] Hi. I'm sorry he put you through this. I have different ideas about the lack of empathy as many people with poor self esteem have much empathy for others. A few thoughts. He doesn't care about anyone because the thing he really loves is his substance of choice. Then again, he sounds very self absorbed and full of self pity. I feel there is no excuse for an adult child to forget that we have feelings too....it is childlike and not a good trait and it is time for him to grow up but you can't do anything about it. To me it doesn't sound as if he doesn't care about himself in spite of his words. Words are cheap. Actions matter. His actions and lack of caring toward you sound to me as if the only person he cares about is himself and that he cares about himself very much...maybe more than anyone else. And he knows how to play you for pity. Maybe he hopes you will throw him a ton of money so he can work less hard. My oldest is a bit like your son in that he rejects all my suggestions so his life is always the same as he won't make changes. His life is not exactly a mess but he is lonely too and has anxiety but won't get treatment. He did call to wish me Happy Mother's Day then it turned into a whoa is me conversation all about himself. He rarely talks about anyone but himself and his troubles. I have stopped suggesting anything because it is useless. At your son's age, and mine, they can not be helped by us. They have to do it themselves or else they will stay the same. You can only control one person in the world...yourself. You can talk to your son 24/7 and he won't change until HE decides to. And in my opinion it is not your business to ask about his relationship. It's intrusive. He is a man even if he doesn't act like one. I personally wouldn't listen to that degree of self centered pity. It would bother me...I would probably say I had to go. I do that often with my oldest. If it starts to get too long and depressing I make an excuse to get off. You are important and your stress and mental health matters. That can't be good for your mental health. I am sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you have other kids, like I do, and could enjoy part of your Mother's Day with them. You deserve it! I always have so much fun with my other three but they do not let anything stop them from being happy and are very loving. I wish my oldest would engage with them, but he won't (shrug). Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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