Just got a call from my dad... :(

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, Jun 18, 2008.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    My mom is not doing well. She has been battling breast cancer for the past 3 years. She stopped treatment about a year ago. She won't really tell me, but I think that is about the time frame. She just got tired of chemo, which didn't take well with her. What should have been a 3 month course ended up being two years. Her white cell count was horribly low so they had to keep postponing treatments.

    I think she just gave up.

    So...now I'm in a predicament. My house looks like a tornado came through as we're moving in 10 days. They live on the most remote part of northern Montana so flying there would be HUGELY expensive and I don't have the money to fly up there.

    Dad says she's finding it harder and harder to just get out of bed. (WHY didn't he tell me this before???) Today, she didn't get out of bed and was not really coherent.

    My parents are in their late 70's and don't make the best decisions. Their response is always...'well, this will pass.'

    I begged him to take Mom to a hospital. It might just be dehydration....whatever. The nearest hospital is over an hour away, and a small one at that.

    So, I'm up waiting to hear from him.

    I can't believe my timing. I swear the God's are against me right now.

  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Abbey, I don't say this lightly as I understand how important respecting tight finances is. I would go NOW. You may end up saving your mother's life or at least get a chance to say good-bye. At very least, you will be able to arrange end of life care so your mother is as comfortable as possible. {{{Hugs}}}
  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending good thoughts out to you. Saying some prayers that things will be ok.

  4. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Abby, Sorry about your Mom. You or your Dad call 911 or is there a neighbor that you can contact to help your Dad get her to the hospital until you decide what your going to do? Sending you and your parents my prayers.
  5. Christy

    Christy New Member

    I'm sorry you are facing this difficult decision. I lost my mom in October to cancer and in the final months I found myself driving there several times a week. For me it was only a three hour drive but I stayed there more often than I was home and everything else in life, difficult child and husband included, got neglected. It was a terrible time but the one thing I am thankful for is the moments I got to spend with my mom before before she passed.

    Is your mom able to talk to you on the phone or is she too sick? Does your dad have anyone close by that can help him?

    You are in my thoughts and prayers,
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Abbey, I agree with Tired Mommy - you have to go NOW. Tragedies never come at a convienient time. husband will just have to finish the packing (kids and friends can come help). You can go through stuff as you unpack. You need to be with your parents.

    :please: Go to you mom!!!
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    He just called back. He's on the way to the hospital with mom. She's very weak and hasn't eaten today. That could make anyone weak.

    They have a close knit community of friends that travel from Texas to Montana every year, so they have some support.

    She doesn't drink a lot of fluids, so I'm hoping that is the issue. It's been an ongoing argument for a long time. DRINK WATER!!! I sent a couple of cases of Ensure thinking that would be better for her. Don't know if she has used them. They are German and very stubborn.

    I'm searching for plane tickets. I'll wait until I hear again.

  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    You're right. It's most likely dehydration. But I'd keep nagging til you get info from docs (you can call the ER and do that). Mom might have Dad poo poo the situation since you're caught in the middle of a move and finances are tough. And while a bout of dehydration can be easily remedied, you'd want to be there if the cancer has taken a bad turn.

    I'm praying it's just lack of anything to eat and dehydration. I know it can make the elderly quite confused. It's been the reason mother in law has made her last 2 trips to the ER.

  9. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh I am so sorry... where could you fly into? They have a small airport up there don't they? That is so hard when you get to these small towns and need flights right now. I guess the biggest towns nearby Missoula, airport? I hope she is OK.
    I am nearby if you need a place to stop if you do need to fly into Spokane... I guess it really isn't on the way... but if you needed a break. We are here.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry your mom isn't doing well. I hope you are able to get out there but I understand why it is so difficult. Hugs.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Abbey}}} I'm so sorry about your mom and dad. I know how difficult it is to be so far away. When we lost my dad, my parents had recently retired 3000 miles away. My siblings and I were like a small caravan making the trip out to see him.

    I'm sure one of the first things the doctors will do is take her blood and they will instantly know if she's dehydrated or what and take action. I guess your dad had to be shooken up to finally take her to the ER.

    I hope you can figure out a way to get there - what does H say? I'll be sending up some prayers for a deal.

    More gentle hugs~
  12. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    My thoughts & prayers are coming your way.
  13. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Abbey - sending you hugs and saying prayers that you find a low priced fare to get up there.
  14. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I agree with TM. Have husband and son put stuff in storage and go be with your mom. Sending lots of hugs!
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    Sending hugs and prayers for the best of results. If at all possible, have them put YOU on the forms so that the docs can speak directly with you, rather than getting info through your dad or mom. It may make things easier for you and for the docs.

    I am so sorry.


  16. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm joining in on the "go see your mom" side, but I do understand all the logistics against it. Sending prayers that she's feeling better.
  17. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Thanks guys. Just talked to the doctor. Mom was severely dehydrated and basically just weak from not eating. At least that is what they think. She has lost a lot of weight. He said she was doing much better this morning, but they're going to keep her for a few days on IV water and feeding.

    He was very frustrated this morning. She again refused any retesting of her cancer. We talked at length about this as he is not her regular physician (he's in Texas) and doesn't know the full story. He said he understood, will call her primary doctor and see what he can do. He said he'd keep me informed of any changes, good or not good. Got to love small town doctors.

    The closest airport would be either Great Falls or Helena, then a good drive to Whitefish. WHY do they pick the ends of the Earth to live??? In the winter they live on the thread of the Mexican border and summers live on the thread of the Canadian border. It makes it really hard to care for them, let alone just a visit.

    I'm just breathing a small sigh of relief right now.

  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Abbey, I'm so glad to hear that it's dehydration and nothing immediately threatening. So glad they will keep her for a few days to make sure she's okay. Sending more hugs.
  19. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am sorry that I am late on this thread. Sending you strength to get through this. And lots and lots of hugs.
  20. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Glad to hear she is being taken care of......she sounds like what I will be like in 25 years.......as to why she lives in Whitefish, Montana......I sooooooo get that, what a beautiful place....in the summer. Hope she relents enough for more testing, but wouldn't be holding my breath........just as we cannot control difficult children, can't tell parents what to do either.... Only if you get guardianship and that sounds like a real battle.......thinking of you and your family.