Just need to vent!

[tiredmommy]

I love my husband, I really do. He's a great guy, great husband and father. A hard worker and very smart. And we're very fortunate that he has a job.

But.

He has worked from home all but 5 or 6 days since school let out at the end of June (starts up again a week from today). And he expects quiet. As in... "Why are you letting her friends play here? I'm working.", "Turn down the tv, I'm working.", "You can't vacuum now, I'm working." And he ties up our land line from 8Am until 5PM, gets annoyed when anyone calls for Duckie or me. It used to be that he took a lunch from noon until 1PM, but now his conference calls are running over. I sat around waiting to clean the bathroom and vacuum the house from 11AM on because I can't make a sound or tie up the bathroom so he can dart in there to grab his shower.

So he comes out out his office and is grabbing his lunch at 12:35PM today. Tries to bring it into our living room/dining room and gets annoyed when I say he's going to have to eat it in the kitchen since I'm going to now (finally!) run the vacuum for the first time since last weekend. We have two cats so our house really needs a minimum of twice a week and even more when the cats are shedding heavily.

He tells me to hurry up because he had another call at 1PM.

I tried not to be angry but I did say he had to let me know when I can do things around the house that might make noise since he's chosen to work from home so often. He actually had the nerve to get pissy with me, so I called him on it and reminded him that this was also a home and they are not always quiet. I pointed out that he complains when Duckie has friends over and when he can't have zero background noise.

He then denied it! I pointed out that he just said to hurry up because he had another call!!!!

So I've decided to vacuum every room in the house today. Twice.

Grrr.

 

[AnnieO]

Vacuum away!!!

Trust me, I understand the feeling...

 

[DDD]

I, too, have a wonderful husband with-o an evil trace in his whole self. on the other hand, "sometimes" it's just necessary to vent. I'll always listen. Like you I "stifle" alot and it builds up. Othertimes I almost wish that I was a screamer and a yeller....but I'm sure he would just get a shocked look on his face. Hugs! DDD

 

[InsaneCdn]

Ummm... can you explain WHY he's working from home then?

Like - I work from home. So that I can be interrupted - kid stuff, dog stuff, repairman stuff, whatever other stuff. I have ONE call a week, maybe two, where I have to have absolute quiet. Otherwise... I work around everyone else... until after 9PM when I have the house all to my little old self.

 

[tiredmommy]

Mostly to save on commute time & gas.

 

[hearts and roses]

Neither of us work from home...I try to vacuum when H isn't around because he calls me the 'crazy vacuum lady" and warns the dogs and any one who will listen to his lame joke...ha ha ha, not.

He claims that since he has to listen to loud noises all day on the job site (saws, drills, compressors, generators, etc) that the vacuum noise bothers his ears at home. Hmmm, so does the window fan, the AC motor, seems everything I enjoy (yes, I enjoy vacuuming because we have three dogs and I have a H who is in construction, so I DO like clean floors!).

Vent-Vent-Vent!!!

 

[Fran]

I understand TM. On the days husband works from home, I feel like I have to put a lid on all household noises. Including deliveries where the door bell is rung. Mind you I have 3 loud dogs. It's very annoying. It's a house as you pointed out.

I have a funny story. I do a lot of distance driving alone. husband always feels bad so he rode along with me. He gets a conference call that lasts hours. Meanwhile, no books on cd, no radio, no talk. What a favor that was!!!! I told him "from now on, NO thanks" He was actually embarassed when he realized how much harder it was bringing him along.


Stand your ground. It's a home for you and Duckie.

 

[KTMom91]

Vent away.

Sending hugs.

 

[InsaneCdn]

If he's working from home to save on commute time and gas... then you do that when the kids are in school and wife is at work. Not when everybody is off for summer holidays!!!
THEN you can have a quiet house and be productive and so on.

Option 2... build a sound-proof home office.
Yes, it can be done. But its easier if it isn't built yet.
Build a small basement bedroom - yes, including egress-compliant window (it adds more to the value of your house).
But before you do the drywall, stuff all the cavities full of fiberglass insulation.
If he wants it REALLY soundproof, after the drywall is up and taped and mudded and painted... you add a second layer of drywall set off from the first by insulated spacers, and then tape and mud and paint that.
Then you add an "exterior" insulated door, complete with threshold...

There. Now go work in THERE. Yes, we'll connect you to the furnace, the a/c, power, lights.
If you've got $$ to spare, put a 2-pce ensuite in there so he doesn't have to come out so often.
Maybe even a teensy-weensy snack bar... coffee machine, kettle, mini fridge.
Pack him a lunch and he won't show up until supper time.

(Hmmm... I'm gonna have to talk to husband about this... it would really be nice some days!)

 

[Hound dog]

I get the savings part, but is it really worth the aggravation? Could he work at work more than at home, say 3 days a week? You'd still save money on those 2 days he'd be home working and he wouldn't be there to the point of driving you bonkers or where you can't get anything done.

Could you add another phone line....... Is there a room where he can set up "office" and shut the door so that the household can continue to be a household?

Me? I'd send him back to work. lol

 

[InsaneCdn]

Lisa -
The trouble is, he IS at work.
She has to send him back "to the office"!
<lol>

 

[flutterby]

So I've decided to vacuum every room in the house today. Twice.

That made me laugh so hard my sides hurt.

Can he get a second line or something? My stepfather works at home from time to time, and his office phone also rings at home, but on another line. I agree - he needs some type of office. But even without an office, people aren't going to care if they hear kids. I've dealt with many people who worked from home and heard kids in the background, kids fighting, etc, and never thought anything of it.

 

[InsaneCdn]

people aren't going to care if they hear kids

THAT depends on your corporate culture.
I have one client where... if I'm dealing with my "home base crew", noise in the background is fine (as long as we can hold a conversation together). But if "head office" is dialing into the meeting... then it has to sound like I'm NOT working from home.

Its amazing how many companies expect "office conditions" when "working from home".

 

[InsaneCdn]

Oh - by the way... maybe you need to get him tested for Auditory Processing Disorders (APD). Not Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) - not language problems. But problems hearing through background noise. Because if he has THAT, then, ya, the vacuum would be one of the WORST things, followed by running water (dishwasher, washing machine), the clank of dishes, etc.

Maybe, just maybe, he's NOT being a PITA. Maybe he can't "hear"?
In which case... he really needs to have that sound-proofed home office!

 

[tiredmommy]

Thanks everyone. He does has an office here, it's our third bedroom. But... we have a very small ranch house with those great hollow interior doors so sound carries from room to room. I suspect that he doesn't have a hearing problem, just sensitive hearing like Duckie. But mostly I think he feels that he's working so hard that we shouldn't mind sacrificing having a home from 8-5 daily. I wouldn't mind if he went in just one or two days a week and would let me in on when so I could plan accordingly. Working from home can be a Godsend at times: bad weather, construction on the highways and Duckie home sick if I have to work or have an appointment.

 

[InsaneCdn]

If HE doesn't have a hearing problem... then would he consider a "white noise" machine? or some nice "elevator music" in the background?
It can be very professional and still be effective.
And it especially helps with mechanical noises (vacuum, water running, etc.)

TM - "sensitive hearing" actually IS a hearing problem... it means they hear TOO much. Which is actually a HUGE disadvantage.

 

[tiredmommy]

I understand that. But he can do the same thing that Duckie does and wear ear plugs (or one ear plug for the ear not up against the receiver) to deal with how loud everything is. What he can't do is expect his family to be perfectly quiet day in and day out. It's not going to happen.

 

[InsaneCdn]

What he can't do is expect his family to be perfectly quiet day in and day out. It's not going to happen.

I'm on your side on THAT point, for sure. You can't change the world to suit you - you have to find ways to cope with the world around you. That means... ear plugs, or sound-proof walls, or... parking a small travel trailer in the back yard to use as an office... or WHATEVER. And yes, there's room for some compromise (water, vacuum... ok, reschedule. Kids voices? sorry, that's part of being home - they get to be "normal", but not "crazy".)