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Just talked to my Dad
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 363864" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Next time your mother asks you to cite your reference, tell her to check it out for herself since she clearly would rather call you a liar (by refusing to accept your definition) than independently verify it. </p><p></p><p>So tell her you don't have to justify a thing; you got your information (anonymously, so she doesn't have to worry about the good family name) from the National Domestic Violence Hotline. So if she disagrees with the definition, she can argue with them, not you. Stay out of it, don't engage in the debate with her. because by her trying to engage you, she is doing bro's work in continuing the abuse (whether she is aware she is a tool of bro, or not).</p><p></p><p>of course, what she wants you to do is cite your reference so she can say, "What would THEY know?" scoffingly. Again, this is standard abuse tactics. She has become an abuser as well as an abuse enabler; bro has very successfully modelled her on him. Unless it was the other way around? I suspect she's very passive aggressive, which in a parent can create an overtly abusive child.</p><p></p><p>So if she scoffs, tell her that their credentials on this are beyond question as far as you are concerned and if she wants to challenge this, she can go with you to listen to you state the case, so she can hear what you say and challenge anything in their presence, in order to make sure that what you explain is the true picture according to her. Tell her she can do this, or shut up about it and accept that you have a right to your own opinion and to also protect yourself from further hurt as you have been advised to do.</p><p></p><p>If, on the other hand, she agrees to go with you while you talk to them, or even you telephone them while they are on speaker so they can hear both sides and so can she, at least she is being exposed to the Hotline and their professional expertise. And maybe that is going to be the beginning of her finally getting her own support.</p><p></p><p>One way or another, it should help you win - call her bluff, or tell her to back off. But she is wrong to tell you how to think.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 363864, member: 1991"] Next time your mother asks you to cite your reference, tell her to check it out for herself since she clearly would rather call you a liar (by refusing to accept your definition) than independently verify it. So tell her you don't have to justify a thing; you got your information (anonymously, so she doesn't have to worry about the good family name) from the National Domestic Violence Hotline. So if she disagrees with the definition, she can argue with them, not you. Stay out of it, don't engage in the debate with her. because by her trying to engage you, she is doing bro's work in continuing the abuse (whether she is aware she is a tool of bro, or not). of course, what she wants you to do is cite your reference so she can say, "What would THEY know?" scoffingly. Again, this is standard abuse tactics. She has become an abuser as well as an abuse enabler; bro has very successfully modelled her on him. Unless it was the other way around? I suspect she's very passive aggressive, which in a parent can create an overtly abusive child. So if she scoffs, tell her that their credentials on this are beyond question as far as you are concerned and if she wants to challenge this, she can go with you to listen to you state the case, so she can hear what you say and challenge anything in their presence, in order to make sure that what you explain is the true picture according to her. Tell her she can do this, or shut up about it and accept that you have a right to your own opinion and to also protect yourself from further hurt as you have been advised to do. If, on the other hand, she agrees to go with you while you talk to them, or even you telephone them while they are on speaker so they can hear both sides and so can she, at least she is being exposed to the Hotline and their professional expertise. And maybe that is going to be the beginning of her finally getting her own support. One way or another, it should help you win - call her bluff, or tell her to back off. But she is wrong to tell you how to think. Marg [/QUOTE]
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