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Substance Abuse
Just the usual on a Sunday
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631776" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Dalyce, I am so sorry. You are trying to be there for him, and he just keeps on and on and on. Dalyce, you need to do something different, at least one thing. Don't try to do it all at once, it's too hard. </p><p></p><p>Here are a few ideas:</p><p></p><p>***Don't answer any calls or communication for the next 72 hours, no matter what. No matter what he does or says or how much he ramps up.</p><p>***Don't send the usual money, if you are sending money.</p><p>***Don't go on the usual visit when you usually do. Skip a visit.</p><p>***Other.</p><p></p><p>Pick one of the above. Do it, no matter how hard it is. Just change one thing, this time. Start the long process of changing yourself, because you are truly the only person you have one ounce of control over. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It has nothing to do with you, Dalyce. You could be the best mom in the world or the worst, and I would still say: His decisions, his diagnoses, his actions, his words, are his alone. Start to detach from the past, Dalyce. It's over and done with. You did the best you could do, given the circumstances. You made mistakes. So what? We all do and did and will again. Let yourself off the hook, starting today. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Give yourself a break. A rest. Start valuing yourself at least as much as you do him. Today, I live by the 51% rule. I am 1% more important than he is. So, here is how that translates into different action that I take: I have his birthday dinner last night at SO's house instead of my house, the house difficult child grew up in, because having it here is too hard for me. And last night, when it was time to go, easy child took difficult child and dropped him off at McDonald's, where he met up with his homeless friend. I didn't take him, because that is too hard for me. </p><p></p><p>I am taking much better care of ME today. I am thinking: does _______ work for me? Am I going to feel bad, sad, mad, after it is over? If I know I am, because of past experience, I am going to work to do something different. Just one thing different, starting now.</p><p></p><p>You can do this, Dalyce. Please go to an Al-Anon meeting if you haven't already. This is a lot of help out there for us, and we have to be committed to find it, participating in it and keep on using that help. If we do, we will get better. I promise you. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs today. You are not in control of him, Dalyce. You can only control yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631776, member: 17542"] Dalyce, I am so sorry. You are trying to be there for him, and he just keeps on and on and on. Dalyce, you need to do something different, at least one thing. Don't try to do it all at once, it's too hard. Here are a few ideas: ***Don't answer any calls or communication for the next 72 hours, no matter what. No matter what he does or says or how much he ramps up. ***Don't send the usual money, if you are sending money. ***Don't go on the usual visit when you usually do. Skip a visit. ***Other. Pick one of the above. Do it, no matter how hard it is. Just change one thing, this time. Start the long process of changing yourself, because you are truly the only person you have one ounce of control over. It has nothing to do with you, Dalyce. You could be the best mom in the world or the worst, and I would still say: His decisions, his diagnoses, his actions, his words, are his alone. Start to detach from the past, Dalyce. It's over and done with. You did the best you could do, given the circumstances. You made mistakes. So what? We all do and did and will again. Let yourself off the hook, starting today. Give yourself a break. A rest. Start valuing yourself at least as much as you do him. Today, I live by the 51% rule. I am 1% more important than he is. So, here is how that translates into different action that I take: I have his birthday dinner last night at SO's house instead of my house, the house difficult child grew up in, because having it here is too hard for me. And last night, when it was time to go, easy child took difficult child and dropped him off at McDonald's, where he met up with his homeless friend. I didn't take him, because that is too hard for me. I am taking much better care of ME today. I am thinking: does _______ work for me? Am I going to feel bad, sad, mad, after it is over? If I know I am, because of past experience, I am going to work to do something different. Just one thing different, starting now. You can do this, Dalyce. Please go to an Al-Anon meeting if you haven't already. This is a lot of help out there for us, and we have to be committed to find it, participating in it and keep on using that help. If we do, we will get better. I promise you. Warm hugs today. You are not in control of him, Dalyce. You can only control yourself. [/QUOTE]
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