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just threw my 16-yr-old difficult child & friends out for smoking weed at my house...
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<blockquote data-quote="recovering doormat" data-source="post: 294809" data-attributes="member: 5941"><p>Nancy,</p><p> </p><p>I haven't been on the site for a few months but I decided to check in tonight. so sorry for your grief with your daughter. I think you are wise to turn them all in, maybe a good shock will help her think about what she is doing. at least you are sending the message that you have boundaries. That has always been my issue. </p><p> </p><p>My son sjpent six weeks in a residential facility undergoing diagnosis this past winter. He was clean and sober when he got out. Now, six months later, he is back to his old tricks: smoking weed (not as much as before, because he is drug tested monthly by his P.O. and she had threatened him with 45 days inpatient rehab if he kept failing tests. He passed his last one but I found out the same day that he had used a "flush kit" (get them in drug stores and places where they sell drug paraphernalia, then for extra insurance went to the natural foods juice bar and drank two shots of wheatgrass with an orange juice chaser. He thinks all he has to do is wait out the clock for his probation to run out. I spoke to his new officer, who hasn't yet met him nor had a chance to see his file. told her about the fiddling with his urine and that he missed a whole week of summer school because he didn't feel like going. He is argumentative with me, his dad, siblings, and doesn't seem to have any friends other than his girlfriend, who is very nice (doesn't do alcohol or drugs or smoke, good student, nice family) and a couple of male friends who seem to provide the weed (we don't give him money and he doesn't have a job). We've been nagging himt o get a part time job but he just won't put the effort into it, wants everything to fall into his lap. Some of it is social anxiety , but a lot of it is laziness and, more worrisome, the lethargy that even moderate pot smokers exhibit. He's a bright boy who in one breath talks about going to a good university and becoming a marine biologist, and then won't get out of bed to go to tutoring or summer school. He's been out of the regular high school classroom experience since last November, when he just gave up and refused to go to school (he was smoking up to three times a day back then). His dad has physical custody of him because he has a history of ignoring my rules and occasionally vandalizing my home. Dad is never home, always working, even Sat and Sunday am, so if son doesn't feel like being grounded, there is no one to stop him.</p><p> </p><p>Only relief is that he doesn't drive and at this rate, won't get his license until he's 18 and can sign for himself. </p><p> </p><p>I'm dreading the start of this school year. The district really has no choice except to place him at a Special Education high school that he hates and that cannot academically compete with even a public high school; however, he can't go back to his public hs, he'll just disappear into the cracks, start cutting classes with the losers and smoking weed. thought about boarding school but he won't go willingly, and there's no money right now to pay for it. District offered to send him to a better quality Special Education hs but it was 45 min ride each way and he refused to get on the bus; his dad offered to drive the 90 mins. round trip in the a.m. and he still refused.</p><p> </p><p>I'm just so tired of putting myself out to help this boy when he is so determined not to cooperae. His SA counselor last week told me she had never encountered a client so resistant as my son; yet she likes him and wants to help. Suggested wilderness program followed by family therapy. Wilderness costs $15,000 and dad won't pay, I'd have to take it out of my IRA, so in effect it costs me $20K with-tax and penalties. Family therapy has been suggested for years but in the past our son has disrupted meetings and refused to cooperate. </p><p> </p><p>I'm not sure what to do anymore. He probably needs a good year or so in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but we can't afford it, and he's not with DCF, so they won't place him. Best we can hope for a juvenile court sending him to rehab. I'm so tired of all this. I have a good shrink and have been feeling a bit better since we tweaked my lexapro, but it's not a happy pill and sometimes I just feel so pessimistic about the future. It's hard not to get sucked into my kid's drama but it exhausts me, and I have to conserve my energy for my vulnerable 13 yr old, who is borderline involved with risky behavior, and to look for a job in the fall. </p><p> </p><p>I feel so torn about my son. I love him and want him to be well, but he just stinks the life out of me, and all my worrying and heartache has not made any difference in his behavior. I'm wondering if Al Anon or Nar Anon might be a good idea so I don't continue to enable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recovering doormat, post: 294809, member: 5941"] Nancy, I haven't been on the site for a few months but I decided to check in tonight. so sorry for your grief with your daughter. I think you are wise to turn them all in, maybe a good shock will help her think about what she is doing. at least you are sending the message that you have boundaries. That has always been my issue. My son sjpent six weeks in a residential facility undergoing diagnosis this past winter. He was clean and sober when he got out. Now, six months later, he is back to his old tricks: smoking weed (not as much as before, because he is drug tested monthly by his P.O. and she had threatened him with 45 days inpatient rehab if he kept failing tests. He passed his last one but I found out the same day that he had used a "flush kit" (get them in drug stores and places where they sell drug paraphernalia, then for extra insurance went to the natural foods juice bar and drank two shots of wheatgrass with an orange juice chaser. He thinks all he has to do is wait out the clock for his probation to run out. I spoke to his new officer, who hasn't yet met him nor had a chance to see his file. told her about the fiddling with his urine and that he missed a whole week of summer school because he didn't feel like going. He is argumentative with me, his dad, siblings, and doesn't seem to have any friends other than his girlfriend, who is very nice (doesn't do alcohol or drugs or smoke, good student, nice family) and a couple of male friends who seem to provide the weed (we don't give him money and he doesn't have a job). We've been nagging himt o get a part time job but he just won't put the effort into it, wants everything to fall into his lap. Some of it is social anxiety , but a lot of it is laziness and, more worrisome, the lethargy that even moderate pot smokers exhibit. He's a bright boy who in one breath talks about going to a good university and becoming a marine biologist, and then won't get out of bed to go to tutoring or summer school. He's been out of the regular high school classroom experience since last November, when he just gave up and refused to go to school (he was smoking up to three times a day back then). His dad has physical custody of him because he has a history of ignoring my rules and occasionally vandalizing my home. Dad is never home, always working, even Sat and Sunday am, so if son doesn't feel like being grounded, there is no one to stop him. Only relief is that he doesn't drive and at this rate, won't get his license until he's 18 and can sign for himself. I'm dreading the start of this school year. The district really has no choice except to place him at a Special Education high school that he hates and that cannot academically compete with even a public high school; however, he can't go back to his public hs, he'll just disappear into the cracks, start cutting classes with the losers and smoking weed. thought about boarding school but he won't go willingly, and there's no money right now to pay for it. District offered to send him to a better quality Special Education hs but it was 45 min ride each way and he refused to get on the bus; his dad offered to drive the 90 mins. round trip in the a.m. and he still refused. I'm just so tired of putting myself out to help this boy when he is so determined not to cooperae. His SA counselor last week told me she had never encountered a client so resistant as my son; yet she likes him and wants to help. Suggested wilderness program followed by family therapy. Wilderness costs $15,000 and dad won't pay, I'd have to take it out of my IRA, so in effect it costs me $20K with-tax and penalties. Family therapy has been suggested for years but in the past our son has disrupted meetings and refused to cooperate. I'm not sure what to do anymore. He probably needs a good year or so in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but we can't afford it, and he's not with DCF, so they won't place him. Best we can hope for a juvenile court sending him to rehab. I'm so tired of all this. I have a good shrink and have been feeling a bit better since we tweaked my lexapro, but it's not a happy pill and sometimes I just feel so pessimistic about the future. It's hard not to get sucked into my kid's drama but it exhausts me, and I have to conserve my energy for my vulnerable 13 yr old, who is borderline involved with risky behavior, and to look for a job in the fall. I feel so torn about my son. I love him and want him to be well, but he just stinks the life out of me, and all my worrying and heartache has not made any difference in his behavior. I'm wondering if Al Anon or Nar Anon might be a good idea so I don't continue to enable. [/QUOTE]
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just threw my 16-yr-old difficult child & friends out for smoking weed at my house...
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