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<blockquote data-quote="So Tired" data-source="post: 183872" data-attributes="member: 4772"><p>I can't tell you how many times my difficult child has hurt my feelings in this way. I'd think I'm just making conversation but he saw it as an invasion of privacy. I found two things that helped.</p><p> </p><p>#1 Non-verbal communication. When he was in high school I would write messages on the steamed up bathroom mirror. Just simple things like "I love you" or "Good luck today". Then when he took his shower the messages would come out like magic as the mirror steamed up and he would write a reply. It provided us with a safe way to keep some communication open and gave me the "connection" with him that I so missed as he became a distant typical teen. Now-a-days we text each other. He will text me all sorts of things that he would never talk to me about. Problems with his girlfriend, little things that happened in his day, etc. When we text each other, it's like we are not in this big advisarial tug of war -- just chatting like we actually like each other. It is actually when I feel closest to him.</p><p> </p><p>#2 Backing off and giving him space. Even though I really, really want to ask "What happened with girlfriend? Did you get to work on time? Have you registered for school?" I have found that if I back off and difficult child comes to me with what's going on he is much more open to conversation. Part of it is wariness on my part. So many times I have been hurt by difficult child that I am sort of cautious now. Like on a high school trip to Disneyworld. Everytime I tried to talk to difficult child he was obnoxious and downright rude. Really humiliated me in front of the other partents and his friends. So I just stopped trying to talk to him. I wasn't mean to him, or angry, just didn't seek to make conversation with him. I might even walk right by him when I saw him in the park with a group of his friends. I would nod and say "hi" but nothing further. After a few days of this, he started coming up to me. "Hey, want to see the cool pin I bought at Epcot?" and such. I think that as typical teen they just have a hard time -- they want the safety of their parents love and support but at the same time they resent it. </p><p> </p><p>People tell me all the time "oh, you'll get through this and everything will work out" but sometimes it's hard for me to believe that we will ever be able to have a "normal" conversation, let alone any kind of relationship. The little text relationship we have is what keeps my hope alive....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="So Tired, post: 183872, member: 4772"] I can't tell you how many times my difficult child has hurt my feelings in this way. I'd think I'm just making conversation but he saw it as an invasion of privacy. I found two things that helped. #1 Non-verbal communication. When he was in high school I would write messages on the steamed up bathroom mirror. Just simple things like "I love you" or "Good luck today". Then when he took his shower the messages would come out like magic as the mirror steamed up and he would write a reply. It provided us with a safe way to keep some communication open and gave me the "connection" with him that I so missed as he became a distant typical teen. Now-a-days we text each other. He will text me all sorts of things that he would never talk to me about. Problems with his girlfriend, little things that happened in his day, etc. When we text each other, it's like we are not in this big advisarial tug of war -- just chatting like we actually like each other. It is actually when I feel closest to him. #2 Backing off and giving him space. Even though I really, really want to ask "What happened with girlfriend? Did you get to work on time? Have you registered for school?" I have found that if I back off and difficult child comes to me with what's going on he is much more open to conversation. Part of it is wariness on my part. So many times I have been hurt by difficult child that I am sort of cautious now. Like on a high school trip to Disneyworld. Everytime I tried to talk to difficult child he was obnoxious and downright rude. Really humiliated me in front of the other partents and his friends. So I just stopped trying to talk to him. I wasn't mean to him, or angry, just didn't seek to make conversation with him. I might even walk right by him when I saw him in the park with a group of his friends. I would nod and say "hi" but nothing further. After a few days of this, he started coming up to me. "Hey, want to see the cool pin I bought at Epcot?" and such. I think that as typical teen they just have a hard time -- they want the safety of their parents love and support but at the same time they resent it. People tell me all the time "oh, you'll get through this and everything will work out" but sometimes it's hard for me to believe that we will ever be able to have a "normal" conversation, let alone any kind of relationship. The little text relationship we have is what keeps my hope alive.... [/QUOTE]
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