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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 510050" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Elsie - </p><p></p><p>Your response and dialogue with difficult child is to me like the first ADULT dialogue and step on the path to healing for both of you. I remember the things that you and he were going through months ago and how incredibly chaotic it was. I remember thinking how much I admired you for being alone, and having the courage and strength to come here, stand up to difficult child despite not having what seemed like ANY support in the real world, and I believe a patootie of an X - and the ugly and bitter words your son kept sharing with you....yet? You remained through the heartache such a wonderful Mother on the outside while hurting so badly on the inside - I can't imagine anyone here reading your posts and not being able to feel your pain. Your words spoke volumes. </p><p></p><p>This to me? This stage in your relationship with our sons is like a nameless starting over point. We don't tend to get all the regular accolades that other parents seem to get. Somehow to me? It's like we got ripped off our whole lives - in school ----there was very little of the PTA, school plays, interaction with other parents or sports teams (my son couldn't handle any of that and for the most part was in group homes or Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s) - even there he was so ill behaved he wasn't ever part of THEIR programs and it hurts. THe only other people in MY life that have ever been empathetic were the parents here. Then in middle school - when there are crushes, and girls, and dances - All missed. Jr. High - all the levels and things that are normal along the way stages, High school - friends, cars, friday night football games - things ALL kids seem to have? Not for mine. I don't know about yours. And for just one moment of normalcy I would have given my eye teeth. ANd then finally? You throw them out and for a while you feel like a failure, a complete and utter failure to some degree...and you think - My GOD why? What didn't I do? I tried so hard. (enter a sob) </p><p></p><p>And then this? This first call. This Mom, I'm starting to realize that......that my mess ups weren't you. That I have a lot of regrets, that I wasted so much. That I want MORE out of life. And you.........HOPE. But not too much - because if you do? Someone may hear you and come along and crush it - or maybe your hope is exhausted.....after years of being so burnt out. So you almost hope.....but not outloud. And then there may be another call after this, and possibly another? Then maybe he'll fall and you'll have a falling out again. Then you're devastated. Don't be. It's normal. It happens - it's part of the path to him figiuring out - HIMSELF. His life - what he REALLY wants - that he's TOO DANGED old to behave like a child, and couch surf, or eat out of dumpsters, or borrow money from kids that have jobs and now want things of their own so they CAN NOT loan friends the 20 all the time - and the noose gets tighter and tighter and they finally fall in line -----and it's ALL.BECAUSE.YOU...........did your job as a Mom.......and he'll call....again......and say I'm sorry.......I love you...and it may take a few more calls, or a few more months or a few more years......but this? This is a start, and you my lady handled it beautifully - and I am PROUD OF YOU. </p><p></p><p>There isn't a secret handshake - but if we hand an emblem? I'd suppose it's a box of tissues or a roll of toilet paper for the numerous tears we shed. (personally I'm up to a hankee - trying to stay in the recycle mode) </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Congratulations </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 510050, member: 4964"] Elsie - Your response and dialogue with difficult child is to me like the first ADULT dialogue and step on the path to healing for both of you. I remember the things that you and he were going through months ago and how incredibly chaotic it was. I remember thinking how much I admired you for being alone, and having the courage and strength to come here, stand up to difficult child despite not having what seemed like ANY support in the real world, and I believe a patootie of an X - and the ugly and bitter words your son kept sharing with you....yet? You remained through the heartache such a wonderful Mother on the outside while hurting so badly on the inside - I can't imagine anyone here reading your posts and not being able to feel your pain. Your words spoke volumes. This to me? This stage in your relationship with our sons is like a nameless starting over point. We don't tend to get all the regular accolades that other parents seem to get. Somehow to me? It's like we got ripped off our whole lives - in school ----there was very little of the PTA, school plays, interaction with other parents or sports teams (my son couldn't handle any of that and for the most part was in group homes or Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s) - even there he was so ill behaved he wasn't ever part of THEIR programs and it hurts. THe only other people in MY life that have ever been empathetic were the parents here. Then in middle school - when there are crushes, and girls, and dances - All missed. Jr. High - all the levels and things that are normal along the way stages, High school - friends, cars, friday night football games - things ALL kids seem to have? Not for mine. I don't know about yours. And for just one moment of normalcy I would have given my eye teeth. ANd then finally? You throw them out and for a while you feel like a failure, a complete and utter failure to some degree...and you think - My GOD why? What didn't I do? I tried so hard. (enter a sob) And then this? This first call. This Mom, I'm starting to realize that......that my mess ups weren't you. That I have a lot of regrets, that I wasted so much. That I want MORE out of life. And you.........HOPE. But not too much - because if you do? Someone may hear you and come along and crush it - or maybe your hope is exhausted.....after years of being so burnt out. So you almost hope.....but not outloud. And then there may be another call after this, and possibly another? Then maybe he'll fall and you'll have a falling out again. Then you're devastated. Don't be. It's normal. It happens - it's part of the path to him figiuring out - HIMSELF. His life - what he REALLY wants - that he's TOO DANGED old to behave like a child, and couch surf, or eat out of dumpsters, or borrow money from kids that have jobs and now want things of their own so they CAN NOT loan friends the 20 all the time - and the noose gets tighter and tighter and they finally fall in line -----and it's ALL.BECAUSE.YOU...........did your job as a Mom.......and he'll call....again......and say I'm sorry.......I love you...and it may take a few more calls, or a few more months or a few more years......but this? This is a start, and you my lady handled it beautifully - and I am PROUD OF YOU. There isn't a secret handshake - but if we hand an emblem? I'd suppose it's a box of tissues or a roll of toilet paper for the numerous tears we shed. (personally I'm up to a hankee - trying to stay in the recycle mode) Hugs & Love Congratulations Star [/QUOTE]
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