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Parent Emeritus
Just when I think I've got this the bottom falls out!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 682996" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>If she has borderline, stability will NEVER last long. It is good for you to maybe get into therapy yourself to learn how to handle her many tirades, manipulations and ugly, untrue accusations.</p><p></p><p>Baloney by the way that many parents welcome abusive, lazy forty year olds back home. Shes playing you and you havent yet learned to cut ger off and end the conversation as soon as the abuse starts. She gets power from your tears. She is borderline.</p><p></p><p>There is a good book out for family members of borderlines (and she does sound like it). The book is called "Stop Walking On Eggshells." I dont remember the author...think her first name is Randi its easy to find on Amazon. Just type in the name of the book</p><p></p><p>Its time to dry your tears, stop listening to abuse, and learning to take care about yourself and learning to cope with a borderline daughter. She was cruel to make you cry and ruin your night.</p><p></p><p>Its time to learn what experts recommend and to not expect this particular daughter to suddenly offer you stability in how she relates to you. Those expectations devestate you. As soon as you dont do what she wants, she turns abusive. You are not her slave nor her verbal punching bag. I hope you are ready to learn detachment skills. You are not responsible for your middle aged daughters poor choices, including the relationships she chooses. She can go to a domestic abuse shelter if its that bad.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and try to enjoy the rest of the holiday. Maybe your difficult daughter should not be around you right now. You probably wont enjoy the party, sadly. Maybe you can spend tomorrow with your kinder daughter. You are kind yourself and deserve respect.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 682996, member: 1550"] If she has borderline, stability will NEVER last long. It is good for you to maybe get into therapy yourself to learn how to handle her many tirades, manipulations and ugly, untrue accusations. Baloney by the way that many parents welcome abusive, lazy forty year olds back home. Shes playing you and you havent yet learned to cut ger off and end the conversation as soon as the abuse starts. She gets power from your tears. She is borderline. There is a good book out for family members of borderlines (and she does sound like it). The book is called "Stop Walking On Eggshells." I dont remember the author...think her first name is Randi its easy to find on Amazon. Just type in the name of the book Its time to dry your tears, stop listening to abuse, and learning to take care about yourself and learning to cope with a borderline daughter. She was cruel to make you cry and ruin your night. Its time to learn what experts recommend and to not expect this particular daughter to suddenly offer you stability in how she relates to you. Those expectations devestate you. As soon as you dont do what she wants, she turns abusive. You are not her slave nor her verbal punching bag. I hope you are ready to learn detachment skills. You are not responsible for your middle aged daughters poor choices, including the relationships she chooses. She can go to a domestic abuse shelter if its that bad. Hugs and try to enjoy the rest of the holiday. Maybe your difficult daughter should not be around you right now. You probably wont enjoy the party, sadly. Maybe you can spend tomorrow with your kinder daughter. You are kind yourself and deserve respect. Big hugs. [/QUOTE]
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