Yesterday I called an acquaintance...just needed someone to talk to. I was describing latest meltdown from difficult child 3. Basically: -he tried to engage me with his silliness, didn't work -he tried to engage me by not following instructions, didn't work -he tried to engage me with making us late for school, didn't work -he raged, stormed, swore, threw things and didn't calm down until realized I was calling for help (kid's crisis line) Her take is our ADHD and "imagined" ODD are BS. This is a kid in complete control and when he couldn't get what he wanted (me angry) he threw a grown up style temper tantrum of a 2 year old. Then when the chips were down and I called in reinforcements he calmed knowing trouble was coming even though I warned him. She feels our parenting is the cause, and difficult child 3 is just a spoiled rotten brat that will have a tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants, rather than anything mental, psychological etc. She didn't deliver this message to me meanly or judgementally..but matter of factly. So, now my mind is going again. Is this all our doing?? Have we essentially created a monster and this kid doesn't have anything wrong with him?? I'm not looking for pity here, or "what a bad friend" (I think she means well). I need honest opinions. My unsurety (is that a word?) stems from the family background with mental disorders, our many attempts at trying new things, new ways, new rewards, new discipline techniques with no success. Also, what is he getting out of doing this? For the most part it seems to just be a jerk, cause people pain and anguish, get people angry...is that not "un-normal"...who thinks like that or does that? And my other two boys are nothing like that even though raised in the same home the same ways. But then I keep going back to her assessment and that makes sense too...so confused.