Just when you think you've seen it all...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Nov 15, 2007.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    thank you apparently took another kid's Depakote (with said kid's cooperation), ground it up, and sprinkled it on a cigarette and smoked it.

    :grrr: :hammer: :grrr: :hammer: :grrr:

    Honestly, he seriously needs to turn 18 and graduate because this mindless crud is driving me over the edge. What the *heck* was he thinking? Thank goodness it apparently had no ill effects this time... but sheesh... he takes Depakote 3 times a day, why the heck *smoke* it??? And someone else's medications at that?

    They did a UA on him today and it was clean, in spite of his "confession" to smoking pot last week.

    A peer punched a hole in the school wall on Tues and thank you apparently thought it wasn't big enough. :hammer: I guess the only positive is that it wasn't in anger though it deeply disturbs me that he does this junk out of... I don't know, boredom? At least he has to pay for the repairs.

    Deep breaths (hyperventilation anyone?), Zen thoughts, detach, detach, detach.
  2. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Sounds like something my son would do.....I personally am having an anxiety attack as well over my son's issues.......so shall we practice deep breathing together? Aaaarrgggggggg - and breathe - aaaaarrrrrrrrgggggg - and breathe! :frown: Seriously, what are these kids thinking? Evidently they are not!
  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    It's in the air I think. I have no idea wht they think when they do this. difficult child 2 snorted someone else serquel a while back. Why? Because he could. :hammer:

    Many hugs to you. I don't you but I have a ocunt down for difficult child 2. I know it sounds awful but at least at 18 I am no longer "accountable" (3 years, 4 monthes and 11 days).

    Hope thank you gets back on track in a bit.

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Now what in the world did he want to smoke it for, when he's already taking it?? :hammer:

    Sue, is there anyway this off the wall behavior could be to Keep him where he is? Maybe he's afraid of life outside the facility. Forgive me if I'm mixing people up, but wasn't thank you due to home visits til he started this downward spiral?

  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    :hammer: :hammer: I'm sorry he is making the choices he is making. Hugs. :flower:
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Good LORD kids are stupid.

    Present company included. When I was his age, I ground up NoDoz, tried to dissolve it in water, and then draw it into a needle.

    Yeah, that worked.
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    Sorry he's making these bad choices. How frustrating.
  8. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    If we could figure out what these kids are thinking, we would all be zillionaires!!!

    This definitely sounds like something difficult child 1 would do!!!

    I know what you mean about being driven over the edge by "mindless crud." Believe me, I'm so ready to get my difficult children out of my house!!!

    When they're finally out, I'm going to have the biggest party ever!!!

    I hope you get a bit of time to yourself this weekend!!! WFEN
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    That IS weird.
    So sorry.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I was also wondering if the bizarre behavior was to keep him in his current placement. Sometimes the anxiety over life outside the facility is debilitating and idiocy inducing.

    Sending hugs!

  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    thank you - smoked a laced cigarette
    thank you - took a chance on being dumb for life
    thank you - enlarged the hole in the wall
    thank you - passed his drug test

    -WHAT part of doing any of those things involved you? You're getting frustrated and all worked up over things you have NO control over.

    If the above had looked like this:
    thank you - called his mom and she said yes, smoke that cigarette
    thank you - called his mom and said if I do this could I be maimed and the
    mom said NO go ahead - I'll wipe your butt for life.
    thank you - called his mom and said "Is that hole big enough?" and Mom
    said "NO SON MAKE IT BIGGER - the bigger the better!!"
    thank you - Got his mom to pee in a bottle for his drug test because he
    wasn't going to pass.

    THEN I would say Y-O-U have problems. But the way I see it = none of these problems are yours. No sense in getting upset, getting your guts in a slow burn, or taking stress to the nth degree.

    Deeeeeeeee tachhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    Hugs & Love
  12. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator


    It sound as it he's trying to yank a few chains a bit being that his drug test was clean....

    But smoking Depakote? ACK!

  13. mari7413

    mari7413 New Member

    Crazy what they think up at times. If we could take all their brain power and put it all to positive use, we'd more than likely cure AIDS and all cancers!!

    Sorry you're having a hard time. :frown:
  14. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    OK, Starbie... you know, I heard all those things (or a variation of them) very softly in my head even as I was trying so hard not to get worked up. I know it's not my problem, but it would be so much easier to detach if they just wouldn't *tell* me about his stupid stuff!!!

    on the other hand, since he is coming home for Thanksgiving, we at least know we need to make sure Boo's medications and the Tylenol are locked up so *they* don't go up in smoke.

    But Starbie, you will be proud of me. thank you apparently had the Chicago Police called on him by staff yesterday for "threatening" staff. I know nothing more, I'm not going to ask, I *don't* want to know. Does that count as detachment?

    Funniest of all, as I laid out new ground rules for him coming home for the holiday (after hearing his many and varied excuses/denials of above behaviors), he actually took it quite well. "Why" you ask? Because I've apparently done a very good job of teaching him to, in his words, "detach". His words: "Mom, I know you're going to do what you think you need to do and there's nothing I can do about it so I'm just going to detach and deal with it."

    Susie and Lisa, no, I don't think his stunts have anything to do with wanting to stay where he is. He knows that any thought of or planning for a return home is on hold indefinitely. The deal was a minimum of 6 consecutive months of decent semi-human behavior. We haven't gotten more than a couple of weeks, and pretty much none recently. My suspicion is that it's having the most freedom ever, combined with living with- 15 other difficult children (all of whom are older), with a not-so-healthy dose of too much free time/boredom thrown in for good measure.

    And onward we go, right?
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I sat last night and thought about you and your detachment from thank you's BEHAVIORS. I constantly have to remind myself that I am NOT leaving my son, he has choices in his behavior; but so do I.

    As a parent and a friend I have always thought you were amongst the strongest and bravest Moms. Over the years I would sit her in my own hell and think - it could be worse. I don't envy anyone their situation. My cross is small in comparison to many. Mostly I am able to say that because I believe in my heart that despite ALL the horrific and tragic things that happened to myself and difficult child - I'm no longer 'there' anymore.

    It took a tremendous amount of work to get there. This you know. (nod head yes in agreement) It takes an inordinate amount of minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day strength, tenacity, courage, will and heart to Mother a child like ours. They make nothing easy. I used to wonder 'why me' and now I sit back and I think "he picked me". Out of all the moms in the world - to parent this misguided, tweaked, antagonistic child - I was chosen to be his Mom.

    And I got RIPPED OFF. GOD ripped me off and I am still angry about it. I tell him I'm angry about how he ripped me off with not being able to have a normal childhood, and missing SO SO SO much of my sons life by having him life under other peoples ideas and rules, and morals. Missing out on the stuff from school, never ever seeing my son in a sports outfit, having 3 out of 12 grade and high school pictures to display (one of which is Kindergarten)missed birthdays, holidays - learning how to put on a freakin happy face in February and hand out Christmas presents and play Christmas music when it's 75 degrees outside because MY kid was in a hospital. Not being able to be there to protect him from all the bad things like what his father did to him and his grandmother. And yes, I am angry - still. But I'm working on it. minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

    So it's really REALLY normal even at this late in the game to have your "mom" senses kick in and say "I'm HERE - I'll pick you up, I'll dust you off, I'll have you come home, I'll cook you a meal and we'll just wipe the slate clean for the 1,000,000 th time. Because THAT is what we (WE meaning parents) REALLY REALLY want. We just want them to grow up, be productive, happy, healthy kids and enjoy a life of their own.

    So when I took all the stuff out of Dudes closet (i cried), When I shoved it into a hefty bag it made me weak - the visions that came into my head of street person, vagabond - him eating out of dumpsters - and it hurt. When I got to the group home I handed him his Hefty sacks of shoes and clothes and then his suit on a hanger and he said "I won't need that here, put itin my closet" and I bit my inside lip, mustered up just enough will and said with my arm outstretched "You don't have a closet at my house any longer - you do what you want with it." and the look ----the look on his face. OH I needed to go somewhere to cry but I didn't. I held it together and kept this thought in mind -

    Even birds throw their young out of the nest when it's time to go and they have little skills or feathers - and in a harsh world had I not done and continue to do what I am doing - he won't make it. HE's looking to me to see if I'm a trampoline (not to be confused with tramp) that he can bounce back on, then go, and back and go - and this time - I removed the proverbial trampoline and there was nothing but himself to depend on, bounce back to. I removed myself from the situation. HIS situation.

    I've tried, I have been told I have tried harder than any Mother that most people have ever met. Small consequence for all my heart ache. But most of my heartache was largely my own fault for setting myself up. I haven't thrown my son out - I gave him one last chance to get himself together and grow up. I'm not throwing him out - I simply choose NOT to engage further in his behaviors or reward him in anyway for wrong doing.

    Two things will happen here - either he will get himself together, be happy about the fact that he did it alone "without" my help OR he will continue to do the same things and behaviors he always has and ruin his life without me there to watch. I can't. I've reached my limit. The stroke told me so. And if he does pull himself together? Praise God. If he doesn't I've taken THIS TIME to work on myself, learn how to detach from his behaviors so they don't ruin my health further and I have a jump, so to speak on my life without stress. It does not mean I can't think fondly of him and the good times - I'm just not going to put myself in the equation of his life that says (And this part) pointing to me.....I shall run into the ground because it will ALWAYS ALWAYS be there irregardless of what I do or say.

    Not any more - my detaching has been one of the best things that has ever happened to make him grow up. When he was 10 - he didn't call from an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 6 months - But I kept calling the counselor and they told him I did. Had I known then what I know now? I would have started living my life 7 years ago. So in a last ditch effort - I'm here to talk if he is nice on the phone and that is all. NO packages, no clothes, no money - nothing. He is on his own. And so am I.

    I hope this helps you understand where my firm but loving words come from. I wouldn't post it if I hadn't / weren't living it. And I think yes - what you did counts as detachment.

    Many Hugs