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K Thinking About Moving Back
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 311414" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Starbie, dear one, never can get mad at you.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> You I count on as my little/big (lol) voice of reason and reality.</p><p> </p><p>I'm glad to say I thought of all those things in my debate on what to email her back. I'm also synical and a pessimist at heart. With good reason to be both.</p><p> </p><p>K's husband is most definately a master manipulator. He started in on K at 14.....pulled her bioMom into it at 16.......sliding right into her house and parking his fanny there. Drained bioMom dry, destroyed the house and made K lose it to taxes. (house she inherited from her bioMom's dad) Used up all their resources and then called husband and I to inform us K was about to be a homeless mother. (9-10 yrs ago) We helped them, not knowing the history. Then K suddenly decides she's had enough of boyfriend and asks to come here. We bring her and Kayla (then a baby) I suspected from the get go that she was pregnant and had used up all resources. Wasn't long that I suspected boyfriend either came with her.....or followed via a plan. So then I worked on getting freeloader K out of the house into an apartment into school.........boyfriend suddenly shows up. (she couldn't hide him anymore neighbors talk/ small town) K is playing every "help" agency against each other along with the babysitter and the churches. Odds are boyfriend coached her. She's just not that bright, most especially then. I caught on......let everyone they were 'playing" know what was going on.........They up and high tail it back to MO. </p><p> </p><p>Ok, so that's not everything, but it's the high points. lol </p><p> </p><p>I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't let myself forget that. You've got husband/boyfriend pegged right on the money. And it's not just us. I have good sources in MO that tell me the exact same thing. Is K the same way? Could be by now, probably is, who the heck knows. Her husband/boyfriend has manipulated her like a puppet for so many years now.</p><p> </p><p>So I figured just like you that they've exhausted all resources in Mo and need to find a new place to set up. And since K probably does miss us......hey, why not here where they know welfare bends over backward to get people back on their feet so they won't need it anymore? Yep. Big $$$$ going off in husband/boyfriend's head. (maybe K's too) </p><p> </p><p>Your senerio is most likely dead on.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> Cuz nothing, and I mean nothing, has changed with those two.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, family is everything to me. The end all be all. It's the way I am. My Grandma taught me that, and my childhood reinforced it. (some good did come out of the bad) And so I've taught my kids the same. </p><p> </p><p>And yeah..........my heart is enormous when it comes to my grandkids. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/redface.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":redface:" title="redface :redface:" data-shortname=":redface:" /></p><p> </p><p>But my grandma also taught me to know myself. And I do. And while I'm huge on family, kids and the like...........I also don't allow myself to get burned twice. Won't happen. No doubt about it.</p><p> </p><p>So if K were to move over here...........Wow, she's in for a shock. Which is why I really laid it on the line in the email. I was not really nice about it cuz I was being extremely blunt. No way for her to misunderstand "You are not welcome to stay in our homes..........and none of us will help you financially" No way easy child will cave as she's only on speaking terms with K in order to have a relationship with Kayla and Alex. Nichole won't cave as her apartment is the size of a small closet and she wouldn't risk eviction, nor has the cash to cave with. I won't cave cuz just the thought of having them in my house again makes my blood run cold. </p><p> </p><p>If K was strong enough to shake her husband/boyfriend......she'd have done it long ago. Of course I do hope someday she will do so, but I honestly don't expect it to happen. He's got his claws into her deep and she's quite comfortable in the victim role.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p> </p><p>My email to K was mostly to prevent her from showing up on my doorstep with 3 kids in tow unannounced expecting to be given a place to stay ect. I actually have had dreams of that happening for years......and so decided to nip that in the bud as fast as I could. Because I've no doubt that's what was being planned.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/surprise.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":surprise:" title="surprise :surprise:" data-shortname=":surprise:" /></p><p> </p><p>K's husband is never gonna change. He likes the way things are. He's a full blown adult difficult child to the nth degree. As for K, I gave up on any real hope of her changing when I saw they were living the same way they always have. I'd like to think she'll get so sick of living that way that she'll do something positive to change it.....But like I said, I think she's too comfortable in the victim role. Even if she and he split up, it wouldn't last long. </p><p> </p><p>As far as the chiari malformation..........been doubtful for months now. You just cannot convince me if you're on the brink of death that you're too stupid to go to a neuro to be treated.....when wefare covers that treatment completely. The condition is extremely painful when you have it to the degree she's supposed to have it.......yet still she won't go to a neuro. Doesn't wash. I have chronic renal failure. No insurance. No money. I <strong>found</strong> a way to get my fanny to doctor to get the necessary medications. And if I was in pain...........please!<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite4" alt=":mad:" title="Mad :mad:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":mad:" /></p><p> </p><p>There is a part of me that would rather they stay where they are. I love K and I always will. But I'd be content with the distance between us and her and her husband/boyfriend. Simply because I know it would be the same as it was before. </p><p> </p><p>But there are 3 innocent children involved. Two of which I love with all my heart. The 3rd, well hades, I've not even met the child......it's sort of hard to feel any real bond with him, although I try hard to. If K moved here they would no longer be alone with only 2 difficult child parents. They'd have a whole family watching out for them. And well..........I just can't think of that as being a bad thing. It worries me how desperately Kayla and Alex <strong><em>crave</em></strong> family..........makes me wonder just how bad it really is for them.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> </p><p> </p><p>And just so you know that I've also been thinking on it........ My Grandma took me in out of an abusive situation when I was just a toddler. She loved me, she taught me. She raised me for most of 12 years. She didn't know it, but she saved me. Because throughout all of the horrendous abuse.......and the total rejection of my own Mom......She loved me, valued me, made me believe that I was worthy of love. Grandma did what she could do to protect me from the abuse I suffered when I wasn't with her. It was hard on her. It was stressful on her. Can't tell you how many times she cried as she held me at night. And in the end her love saved me from the very worst in myself.</p><p> </p><p>I cannot, will not, ever turn my back on Kayla and Alex. If my love for them, the value I feel for them as people, can be that shining light of Hope my Grandma was for me..........Then I can only hope I can be as strong for them as she was for me. </p><p> </p><p>I've asked myself if I would raise them if it came down to it. And honestly, I don't know. But I won't lie to myself about it either. In the meantime I just have to hope it doesn't come to that. So, for now, I try to be that shining light in any way I can think of.......and distance doesn't make it easy.</p><p> </p><p>You're not wrong Starbie. I've faced the reality that is K and her husband/boyfriend over this past year. I've no reason to be mad at you. You've just said it like it is like you always do. I depend on your insight.</p><p> </p><p>Now that K knows we're not going to let her mooch off us.......I guess we'll see how desperate their situation has become over there. If they show up......it must be bad. If they don't.......then they've found a way to work the system and keep up with the same old same old. </p><p> </p><p>This got a bit deeper than I intended. But it did make what I'd been thinking about the grands in the back of my mind come to the forefront. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 311414, member: 84"] Starbie, dear one, never can get mad at you.:happy: You I count on as my little/big (lol) voice of reason and reality. I'm glad to say I thought of all those things in my debate on what to email her back. I'm also synical and a pessimist at heart. With good reason to be both. K's husband is most definately a master manipulator. He started in on K at 14.....pulled her bioMom into it at 16.......sliding right into her house and parking his fanny there. Drained bioMom dry, destroyed the house and made K lose it to taxes. (house she inherited from her bioMom's dad) Used up all their resources and then called husband and I to inform us K was about to be a homeless mother. (9-10 yrs ago) We helped them, not knowing the history. Then K suddenly decides she's had enough of boyfriend and asks to come here. We bring her and Kayla (then a baby) I suspected from the get go that she was pregnant and had used up all resources. Wasn't long that I suspected boyfriend either came with her.....or followed via a plan. So then I worked on getting freeloader K out of the house into an apartment into school.........boyfriend suddenly shows up. (she couldn't hide him anymore neighbors talk/ small town) K is playing every "help" agency against each other along with the babysitter and the churches. Odds are boyfriend coached her. She's just not that bright, most especially then. I caught on......let everyone they were 'playing" know what was going on.........They up and high tail it back to MO. Ok, so that's not everything, but it's the high points. lol I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't let myself forget that. You've got husband/boyfriend pegged right on the money. And it's not just us. I have good sources in MO that tell me the exact same thing. Is K the same way? Could be by now, probably is, who the heck knows. Her husband/boyfriend has manipulated her like a puppet for so many years now. So I figured just like you that they've exhausted all resources in Mo and need to find a new place to set up. And since K probably does miss us......hey, why not here where they know welfare bends over backward to get people back on their feet so they won't need it anymore? Yep. Big $$$$ going off in husband/boyfriend's head. (maybe K's too) Your senerio is most likely dead on.:frowny: Cuz nothing, and I mean nothing, has changed with those two. Yes, family is everything to me. The end all be all. It's the way I am. My Grandma taught me that, and my childhood reinforced it. (some good did come out of the bad) And so I've taught my kids the same. And yeah..........my heart is enormous when it comes to my grandkids. :blushing: But my grandma also taught me to know myself. And I do. And while I'm huge on family, kids and the like...........I also don't allow myself to get burned twice. Won't happen. No doubt about it. So if K were to move over here...........Wow, she's in for a shock. Which is why I really laid it on the line in the email. I was not really nice about it cuz I was being extremely blunt. No way for her to misunderstand "You are not welcome to stay in our homes..........and none of us will help you financially" No way easy child will cave as she's only on speaking terms with K in order to have a relationship with Kayla and Alex. Nichole won't cave as her apartment is the size of a small closet and she wouldn't risk eviction, nor has the cash to cave with. I won't cave cuz just the thought of having them in my house again makes my blood run cold. If K was strong enough to shake her husband/boyfriend......she'd have done it long ago. Of course I do hope someday she will do so, but I honestly don't expect it to happen. He's got his claws into her deep and she's quite comfortable in the victim role.:frowny: My email to K was mostly to prevent her from showing up on my doorstep with 3 kids in tow unannounced expecting to be given a place to stay ect. I actually have had dreams of that happening for years......and so decided to nip that in the bud as fast as I could. Because I've no doubt that's what was being planned.:surprised1: K's husband is never gonna change. He likes the way things are. He's a full blown adult difficult child to the nth degree. As for K, I gave up on any real hope of her changing when I saw they were living the same way they always have. I'd like to think she'll get so sick of living that way that she'll do something positive to change it.....But like I said, I think she's too comfortable in the victim role. Even if she and he split up, it wouldn't last long. As far as the chiari malformation..........been doubtful for months now. You just cannot convince me if you're on the brink of death that you're too stupid to go to a neuro to be treated.....when wefare covers that treatment completely. The condition is extremely painful when you have it to the degree she's supposed to have it.......yet still she won't go to a neuro. Doesn't wash. I have chronic renal failure. No insurance. No money. I [B]found[/B] a way to get my fanny to doctor to get the necessary medications. And if I was in pain...........please!:angry: There is a part of me that would rather they stay where they are. I love K and I always will. But I'd be content with the distance between us and her and her husband/boyfriend. Simply because I know it would be the same as it was before. But there are 3 innocent children involved. Two of which I love with all my heart. The 3rd, well hades, I've not even met the child......it's sort of hard to feel any real bond with him, although I try hard to. If K moved here they would no longer be alone with only 2 difficult child parents. They'd have a whole family watching out for them. And well..........I just can't think of that as being a bad thing. It worries me how desperately Kayla and Alex [B][I]crave[/I][/B] family..........makes me wonder just how bad it really is for them.:frowny: And just so you know that I've also been thinking on it........ My Grandma took me in out of an abusive situation when I was just a toddler. She loved me, she taught me. She raised me for most of 12 years. She didn't know it, but she saved me. Because throughout all of the horrendous abuse.......and the total rejection of my own Mom......She loved me, valued me, made me believe that I was worthy of love. Grandma did what she could do to protect me from the abuse I suffered when I wasn't with her. It was hard on her. It was stressful on her. Can't tell you how many times she cried as she held me at night. And in the end her love saved me from the very worst in myself. I cannot, will not, ever turn my back on Kayla and Alex. If my love for them, the value I feel for them as people, can be that shining light of Hope my Grandma was for me..........Then I can only hope I can be as strong for them as she was for me. I've asked myself if I would raise them if it came down to it. And honestly, I don't know. But I won't lie to myself about it either. In the meantime I just have to hope it doesn't come to that. So, for now, I try to be that shining light in any way I can think of.......and distance doesn't make it easy. You're not wrong Starbie. I've faced the reality that is K and her husband/boyfriend over this past year. I've no reason to be mad at you. You've just said it like it is like you always do. I depend on your insight. Now that K knows we're not going to let her mooch off us.......I guess we'll see how desperate their situation has become over there. If they show up......it must be bad. If they don't.......then they've found a way to work the system and keep up with the same old same old. This got a bit deeper than I intended. But it did make what I'd been thinking about the grands in the back of my mind come to the forefront. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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