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Kicked out pregnant 19 year old daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 408147" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Hi there. Nice to meet you although I'm sorry to be meeting you for the first time on such a sad sounding post. (((hugs)))</p><p></p><p>One thing I really want to say to you is, it is a UN-TRUTH that you "can't even help your own kid". Do not tell yourself that you cannot help! You can, and you have, and even know, you ARE. Honestly! You didn't create her difficult child-type behaviors. You didn't choose her addict b/f or any issues of her own she has. Tossing her out right now may feel to your "mom" heart to be not helping her, and it is probably easier to send that message to yourself since she's pregnant. I mean, us moms don't picture our grandchildren being born into chaos and madness right? But again .... you did NOT create your difficult child's present circumstances. She did with her actions now, her history, her choices. Right down to the choice to become pregnant at this stage of her life. </p><p></p><p>Truthfully? She is about to be a mother. She needs to mirror YOU, not shun or abuse you. She is going to BE you for her own child shortly. If she was living with you and abusing you and acting as a difficult child when this baby comes, what are the chances she is suddenly going to have that lightbulb moment that it is TIME TO GROW UP and to change? There is no way to know if she is going to get it together for herself and her child now that she's out of your home. BUT, it is her step into adulthood. She has to make or break it, Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>I know that sounds harsh. And I see many mom's having their pregnant difficult child's living home and finding a way to balance things etc. But it doesn't sound as though your difficult child has any boundaries she won't cross under your roof. And you do have a right at this point to not deal with her koi. Same with your ailing father. This is the time for your difficult child to stand on her own 2 feet and get her act together not via others doing what she needs to do, but by doing so herself. </p><p></p><p>I actually think you did a brave and wonderful thing. I say this as a mother to a 17 year old son who is now the same age as I was when I became pregnant for him. And boy was I a difficult child! And I was on my own and I did it. I made it. I made it happen with no support and I didn't even have a loving mother such as yourself to reach out to when I was ready and worthy of support. Your daughter has you loving her. Sometimes the cruddy part of loving someone is taking the hard steps that aren't most popular but ultimately are in their best interests. I hope your daughter rises to the occassion for herself and her soon to come child. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. For whatever it is worth, I think you did the right thing. For yourself and for your difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 408147, member: 4264"] Hi there. Nice to meet you although I'm sorry to be meeting you for the first time on such a sad sounding post. (((hugs))) One thing I really want to say to you is, it is a UN-TRUTH that you "can't even help your own kid". Do not tell yourself that you cannot help! You can, and you have, and even know, you ARE. Honestly! You didn't create her difficult child-type behaviors. You didn't choose her addict b/f or any issues of her own she has. Tossing her out right now may feel to your "mom" heart to be not helping her, and it is probably easier to send that message to yourself since she's pregnant. I mean, us moms don't picture our grandchildren being born into chaos and madness right? But again .... you did NOT create your difficult child's present circumstances. She did with her actions now, her history, her choices. Right down to the choice to become pregnant at this stage of her life. Truthfully? She is about to be a mother. She needs to mirror YOU, not shun or abuse you. She is going to BE you for her own child shortly. If she was living with you and abusing you and acting as a difficult child when this baby comes, what are the chances she is suddenly going to have that lightbulb moment that it is TIME TO GROW UP and to change? There is no way to know if she is going to get it together for herself and her child now that she's out of your home. BUT, it is her step into adulthood. She has to make or break it, Know what I mean?? I know that sounds harsh. And I see many mom's having their pregnant difficult child's living home and finding a way to balance things etc. But it doesn't sound as though your difficult child has any boundaries she won't cross under your roof. And you do have a right at this point to not deal with her koi. Same with your ailing father. This is the time for your difficult child to stand on her own 2 feet and get her act together not via others doing what she needs to do, but by doing so herself. I actually think you did a brave and wonderful thing. I say this as a mother to a 17 year old son who is now the same age as I was when I became pregnant for him. And boy was I a difficult child! And I was on my own and I did it. I made it. I made it happen with no support and I didn't even have a loving mother such as yourself to reach out to when I was ready and worthy of support. Your daughter has you loving her. Sometimes the cruddy part of loving someone is taking the hard steps that aren't most popular but ultimately are in their best interests. I hope your daughter rises to the occassion for herself and her soon to come child. Hang in there. For whatever it is worth, I think you did the right thing. For yourself and for your difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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