Kind of a child support question

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mstang67chic, Sep 6, 2009.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I mentioned in another post that brother in law and family are moving. Niece is ok with the move but really wants to finish the semester here before moving. (She's almost 14 and in middle school) I spoke briefly with brother in law last night and as they are considering letting easy child do this, offered to let her stay with us for that time. We don't have an extra official bedroom but do have space and we would be able to section it off for her. This isn't a problem.

    husband and I were talking about it though and the only thing we would be concerned about is the cost of an extra mouth to feed and the related expenses. Not so much the utilities but lunch money, school fees, stuff like that. If I was working right now, it wouldn't be a problem but since I'm's a concern. And, besides us, there is only one other family member niece could stay with. I'm not sure if brother in law/sister in law are considering asking friends or not.

    My question is...aside from lunch money that brother in law/sister in law would be paying anyway, what do you think would be a reasonable amount of "support" to ask for? Obviously if something came up unexpected or suddenly, I would offer up the $$ if I had it but would also expect to be reimbursed depending on what it was. I'm not going to argue over the cost of a candy bar or a value meal at McD's but if niece rips her jeans or her shoes disentigrate, I would expect her folks to cover that.

    What do you think?
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ahhhh this is when things get tricky. Please get things set down between you before it really even gets down to a good finalized plan. I think maybe 200 a month would be good. Her parents should also cover major medical and dental and if school is doing anything like big trips they should cover those too.

    I took on a friends son for several months one time and she "said" she would send her ex's child support to me when she got it. I never saw a dime. I took that kid to the atlantic ocean to fish and swim, we took him deep sea fishing, we took him to Washington Difficult Child, he spent a week up at Quantico with Jamie and I spent god knows how much in food and other assorted junk. In other words, we treated him like one of the family. I have never seen or spoken to him since he left my family. I feel very used.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hmmm....I think if you figure out an amount like Janet suggests and make sure they keep medication insurance (and sign permission for you to get medication help and sign sd approval forms for stuff), that it would be a good idea for them to start a bank acct and just put something in there for contigencies. If you end up with $60 worth of copays for dr bills and medications if she gets sick, or she needs something unexpected for school you can take the money out. You could easily write down what the money went for. If the money wasn't used, it gets returned to the parents.

    As an option to this, they can start a bank acct in the daughter's name (most banks won't require the same fees for a kid's starter acct) and have it listed on the bank acct that you have to sign in agreement before daughter can withdrawal the money, or you both have to sign a check if you get checks. The parents would have to set it up but it might make everyone more comfortable and be a good introduction for daughter into managing money.

    You could make sure you get the parents' permission prior to spending money out of the acct for something like a family trip and let them know ahead of time is money is running low so they won't be hit unexpectedly if more is needed.
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2009
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You are a good auntie and uncle. It is very kind of you to offer.

    Whatever you decide, put it in writing and have it notarized with your signatures, the daughter's signature and brother in law and his wife's signatures.

    It will help keep this from destroying your relationship with miscommunications.

    Ask about her activities. Can she take a bus or carpool or get a ride or do you have to drive her to and from each activity. Will the bus come to your street or will she have to be dropped off and picked up.

    I recommend calling DHS or googling to find how much a foster family gets per child. they should pay at least that much.

    In addition get their policies toward grades, boys, dating, parties, dances, going places with friends who drive, curfew, and consequences/punishments for breaking the rules.

    Retain veto power in case something comes up. Get signed waivers on file with school, all doctors, and all sports/activity organizations. make sure you can be part of IEP meetings/evaluation, doctor visits, hospital visits, and everything else. You should have a notarized file with all of these in a file drawer. You should have separate wallet size versions in your purse and husband's wallet.

    At the doctor office you should pressure them to keep that form at the top of the file. It can get things put on top of it and then they could pressure you to stay out of decisions if it get buried in the file. been there done that.

    It may seem like a lot, but also talk about values, dating, etc... NOT all of these will work with YOUR family rules/guidelines. Work to figure out how to mesh every thing you have.

    Doing this work now will save a lot of resentment and hard feelings in the future.

    Many hugs to all!
  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I already had in mind the medical permission forms and school stuff but you guys gave me some ideas I didn't think about. One of the issues with the school is that we don't live in the same district that she attends. Right now it's not an issue as I can take her and pick her up. (It's a small town but we've got 2 middle schools in town and another for the rural kids) If I get a job though....we'll have to figure something out. know how schools can be about kids living outside of the district. They will still have their house here for a few months so TECHNICALLY they still have a house in the SD. OR....I thought sister in law could tell them that they are moving and she is starting a job in their new town but it's only part time a couple of days a week to start. Because of this, niece would be staying with us some of the time until the "final move". I don't want them to get nailed by the SD for an out of disctrict kid so I don't feel too bad about not being completely honest with the school. Yes, we could tell the truth too but I know this school system....they could either have no problem with it at all as long as we had whatever paper work they required of me or, and this is more likely, they could be complete jerks about it.

    As for the foster parent per diem...I know that back when we first got difficult child the going rate for state foster parents (we were through a private foster agency) was about $15/day.

    brother in law and sister in law are going to talk it over so it may or may not be happening...just have to wait and see. I just wanted to be ready with some ideas ahead of time to make sure we had everything covered.

    Thanks for the help!

    Also...this could be kind of neat. LOL I don't know what it's like to have a easy child in the house! It would be a nice change for a bit!!!:tongue:
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    $200 - $300 a month is more than reasonable. You are not just talking about food, you are talking about soap, lights, heat, water, and hot water. I speak from the experience in having exchange students stay with us. You tend to forget how much it can cost to have one more person showering, eating, and washing clothes. Not to mention going to the movies, or out to dinner, whatever. It adds up very quickly.
  7. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    That's true....I tend to forget sometimes that kids that age actually DO stuff. difficult child never really did. This could be an eye opener for me! LOL
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You wouldnt believe me if I told you how much it costs us extra just to have Keyana here on the weekends...and that isnt if we buy her clothes that week!

    Just in extra food for her being in the house on a particular weekend we have to get juice, milk, some sort of poptart or cereal, I normally get her either cheese crackers or animal crackers, and some sort of fruit. That is in addition to whatever we are having for normal meals. Lets not forget the pack of pull-ups that we buy once every 6 weeks. Also I go through socks like crazy since the washer eats them. And is tiny!
  9. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    The good thing about my niece is she isn't too picky about food. Yes, I'll have to buy more but nothing really all that different. Keep in mind that we're talking about a girl who, when she was 3, was here one day and was grabbing tomatoes out of the frig and eating them like apples!
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Fresh fruit and veggies are spendy! And, of course, you will want to have some things around the house that she likes that will make her feel welcome and at home. It's hard being away from family.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Part of the reason for the things I suggested was because Wiz lives with my parents. They have flat out refused to let us pay for any of his activities, upkeep, even doctor copays. We DO, of course, have him on our insurances.

    I still had to go sign for the driver's license stuff and to get a passport for him. My parents wanted to take him to Europe a few years ago (kinda ticked me off as they flat out REFUSED to take me! but planned to take my difficult child cousin and now my difficult child child!!!). We also gave them a letter stating it was OK for them to take him out of the US for any reason at any time. They ended up not taking him but we did the paperwork anyway.

    If I think of other costs I will post them.

    Remember, she may be a total easy child but she is STILL a TEEN!!!
  12. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Hate to burst your bubble, but I'm thinking the school district will have a major hissy fit with this one. They get money alloted by student, so they are majorly aware of who lives where. If they can push the "she can attend here, but will have to pay tuition" button they will. If you can still get mail delivered to "old house" until it sells or they stop paying rent, you may have a "leg to stand on." They might let her finish out the school year if she just had a few weeks to go, but over 3 months and I bet they will be making suggestions that she go to the school district you live in. Hope you can get it figured out, but I wouldn't count on the school cooperating........
  13. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Yep...and that is exactly why I'm thinking of ....hedging a bit with them. Besides....for something like this, it's not really any business of the schools. brother in law/sister in law will still own their house till at least the end of the semester....the taxes are paid...the school got money from THAT.