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Last Night The Devil Showed In My Dream,This Morning Heck Broke Lose
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 644955" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You can't predict the future, hon.</p><p></p><p>If you don't want to hear my tedious response, then skip to next post...lol.</p><p></p><p>1/Find Grandpa assisted living so you have time for your kids.</p><p>2/ Take them for more evaluations until you hit that one good evaluator. It takes time. I still like neuropsychs, but sounds like you had a lemon. A good one tests 6-10 hours.</p><p>3/Be happy yourself to show your kids that you have a life. If you work and make friends you will not explode back at them so often. That is detrimental to any child's upbringing, let alone those with issues.</p><p>4/YOU are the parent. Don't anyone else take your role or that confuses already confused children.</p><p>5/Try to find a place to live where you and your kids live alone in some sort of peace. You can always visit others you feel responsible visiting.</p><p>6/Go for help. This to me is mandatory for you. You have SO LITTLE regard for your own self that you let EVERYONE tell you what do do, even if it not only against your interests, but against those of your children. You still have a few years to focus on your kids, but they will not be that receptive to you if you don't respect yourself and, most of all, demand respect. Tell your family they can not tell your children what to do...they are your kids. Take back your power or your kids will see you as weak. When my kids saw me this way, they treated me like a dusty doormat. It really changed in that regard only after *I* did. GET THERAPY. GOOD THERAPY...learn to love yourself. Or nobody else will. That's how it works, as unfair as that is.</p><p>7/Get interests of your own or you will have no relief from the stress. Nobody makes good decisions under stress.</p><p>8/Have your family members be responsible for their own medical appts. There are people who will take them, free buses for the elderly and disabled, and if there is any money, a cab ride is a big relief for you as opposed to driving with difficult child relatives, sitting and waiting at multiple appointments, and driving them home. Where are your kids while this goes on? With you? Do you really think they like this? They see the abuse toward you. It fuels their own.</p><p>9/Read self-help books. Start with "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatie. Don't say there is no time. MAKE TIME FOR YOU.</p><p>10/Read this again and try to not push away how much the rest of your family impacts how your kids are doing. They may still have issues, even if they are your main focus, but you can do much more for them if you don't have to split your time with other older family members. And you may be surprised that they improve. Also, when you do things THAT <u><em><strong>YOU love to do</strong></em></u>, you will be far more resilient and able to handle them better. If you yell back at them, this is not good. But it is a symptom of too much stress. People yell and get more easily angered when in a highly aroused or a high strung state of mind. This can also cause physical illnesses.</p><p></p><p>Well, told you you wouldn't like it if you read it. But you have GOT to start putting yourself AND your kids first, second and third or you are probably right...you and your kids will continue to live in chaos. The kids may not like living in chaos and leave.</p><p></p><p>They also may NOT leave, but take over from the other relatives and continue abusing you.</p><p></p><p>You should probably work first and foremost on putting up boundaires and making a quieter, more fun and relaxing life for YOU. It is very hard to make rational decisions when you are in a state of high arousal. Nobody human can care for two difficult child children, who have BIG problems, one difficult child Grandpa who has BIG issues, a very sick father, and a mentally ill sister. Even a professional health care worker would demand more help. You can't help them. They will not get better...they need professional help. ALL OF THEM.</p><p></p><p>Learned from thirty years of therapy. Oh, I know you won't do it, but I care about you and hope you do think about it. What you are doing is not working. Things are getting worse. Your only option for change is for YOU to change. Doing the same thing over and over again just reaps the same results. It's like driving a car around the block 100 times. You get only to the same place and the scenery and destination is always the same.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can break your old habits and start to care about you or I fear nothing will get better.</p><p></p><p>Hugs from your friend. I care about you, scarily possibly more than YOU care about you. That's just WRONG! <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/brokenheart.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":brokenheart:" title="brokenheart :brokenheart:" data-shortname=":brokenheart:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 644955, member: 1550"] You can't predict the future, hon. If you don't want to hear my tedious response, then skip to next post...lol. 1/Find Grandpa assisted living so you have time for your kids. 2/ Take them for more evaluations until you hit that one good evaluator. It takes time. I still like neuropsychs, but sounds like you had a lemon. A good one tests 6-10 hours. 3/Be happy yourself to show your kids that you have a life. If you work and make friends you will not explode back at them so often. That is detrimental to any child's upbringing, let alone those with issues. 4/YOU are the parent. Don't anyone else take your role or that confuses already confused children. 5/Try to find a place to live where you and your kids live alone in some sort of peace. You can always visit others you feel responsible visiting. 6/Go for help. This to me is mandatory for you. You have SO LITTLE regard for your own self that you let EVERYONE tell you what do do, even if it not only against your interests, but against those of your children. You still have a few years to focus on your kids, but they will not be that receptive to you if you don't respect yourself and, most of all, demand respect. Tell your family they can not tell your children what to do...they are your kids. Take back your power or your kids will see you as weak. When my kids saw me this way, they treated me like a dusty doormat. It really changed in that regard only after *I* did. GET THERAPY. GOOD THERAPY...learn to love yourself. Or nobody else will. That's how it works, as unfair as that is. 7/Get interests of your own or you will have no relief from the stress. Nobody makes good decisions under stress. 8/Have your family members be responsible for their own medical appts. There are people who will take them, free buses for the elderly and disabled, and if there is any money, a cab ride is a big relief for you as opposed to driving with difficult child relatives, sitting and waiting at multiple appointments, and driving them home. Where are your kids while this goes on? With you? Do you really think they like this? They see the abuse toward you. It fuels their own. 9/Read self-help books. Start with "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatie. Don't say there is no time. MAKE TIME FOR YOU. 10/Read this again and try to not push away how much the rest of your family impacts how your kids are doing. They may still have issues, even if they are your main focus, but you can do much more for them if you don't have to split your time with other older family members. And you may be surprised that they improve. Also, when you do things THAT [U][I][B]YOU love to do[/B][/I][/U], you will be far more resilient and able to handle them better. If you yell back at them, this is not good. But it is a symptom of too much stress. People yell and get more easily angered when in a highly aroused or a high strung state of mind. This can also cause physical illnesses. Well, told you you wouldn't like it if you read it. But you have GOT to start putting yourself AND your kids first, second and third or you are probably right...you and your kids will continue to live in chaos. The kids may not like living in chaos and leave. They also may NOT leave, but take over from the other relatives and continue abusing you. You should probably work first and foremost on putting up boundaires and making a quieter, more fun and relaxing life for YOU. It is very hard to make rational decisions when you are in a state of high arousal. Nobody human can care for two difficult child children, who have BIG problems, one difficult child Grandpa who has BIG issues, a very sick father, and a mentally ill sister. Even a professional health care worker would demand more help. You can't help them. They will not get better...they need professional help. ALL OF THEM. Learned from thirty years of therapy. Oh, I know you won't do it, but I care about you and hope you do think about it. What you are doing is not working. Things are getting worse. Your only option for change is for YOU to change. Doing the same thing over and over again just reaps the same results. It's like driving a car around the block 100 times. You get only to the same place and the scenery and destination is always the same. I hope you can break your old habits and start to care about you or I fear nothing will get better. Hugs from your friend. I care about you, scarily possibly more than YOU care about you. That's just WRONG! :brokenheart: [/QUOTE]
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