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Last night was a very long one.....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 435882" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You are going to have to make sure your husband realizes that you will NOT permit him to cosign. Sounds like your difficult child is doing a lot to put pressure on him, so you have to also or he will just go along. For me, cosigning evena $500 loan would be grounds for divorce. Because my husband is irresponsible with credit. We had times when I got collection calls for cards I didn't know we had. the very last time something with borrowed money happened I happened to open a piece of his mail that was a bill for over $500 that was for some stupid vitamins that he promised he would cancel a year before. He was hiding them in the trunk of the car because they came mail order every month for about fifteen times what a vitamin would cost in a store. I told him he would either do ALL the things I wanted or he was hitting the pavement. It was just months before I had learned of a couple of other things he had done. He had to go to four drugstores, four grocery stores, Walmart and Target, a privately owned mom and pop nutrition store and GNC and write down prices on FIVE multivitamins in each store - name, specific type (men's, seniors, whatever),exact nutrients and the amt of each nutrient in the tablet, number of tablets per day recommended, number of tabs in the bottle, and price. Then he had to figure up the monthly, quarterly and yearly cost of those and compare it to the cost of the stupid mail order vitamins. He was astounded to see that he could have gotten fifteen times the amt of vitamins, with more vitamins and more of each vitamin if he had gone to the most expensive place for them.</p><p></p><p>It is one of the two times i have said that you will do this or I am GONE. With the kids. At the time we had more than ten years of marriage and I had never said it at all. So he did all I asked. </p><p></p><p>You need to draw a line in the sand about this, because he does NOT need your signature to do this. So make sure he KNOWS exactly what it will cost him if he signs this. Whatever you say you will do, it MUST be something you will follow through on. Otherwise he won't ever follow you when someone is pushing him to do something that would hurt you/the family in some way. </p><p></p><p>I would probably tell your difficult child that if he EVER asked his father for something financial worth more than ten bucks when I was not right there, in my right mind and paying attention, then he could expect to be cut off from this, tossed out of that and paying for this other all by himself. Again, it would be things that I would follow through on. I would do it to protect my marriage from my husband's passivity. Then husband could NOT blame it on difficult child when he didn't want to fight about it and gave in to difficult child. In fact, I did do this after husband told me he was talked into something or other that was unreasonable in the extreme. My difficult child is somewhat afraid of me because I always do what I say, no matter how creative it might be. Including if I said I would put mashed potatoes up your nose if you do that. (thank you did - he was sticking fingers full of snot in my lunch of mashed potatoes - about age four. He thought I wouldn't do it and was thrilled that it was grossing me out. He is 11 now and has yet to try me on anything I said I would do. I used a pea sized amt of potatoes and wiped it out right away. It was the shock value that Mom will NOT back down if she says that x is a consequence for y. </p><p></p><p>So figure out what would motivate husband and difficult child each. Then use that to give them incentive to stop trying this behind your back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 435882, member: 1233"] You are going to have to make sure your husband realizes that you will NOT permit him to cosign. Sounds like your difficult child is doing a lot to put pressure on him, so you have to also or he will just go along. For me, cosigning evena $500 loan would be grounds for divorce. Because my husband is irresponsible with credit. We had times when I got collection calls for cards I didn't know we had. the very last time something with borrowed money happened I happened to open a piece of his mail that was a bill for over $500 that was for some stupid vitamins that he promised he would cancel a year before. He was hiding them in the trunk of the car because they came mail order every month for about fifteen times what a vitamin would cost in a store. I told him he would either do ALL the things I wanted or he was hitting the pavement. It was just months before I had learned of a couple of other things he had done. He had to go to four drugstores, four grocery stores, Walmart and Target, a privately owned mom and pop nutrition store and GNC and write down prices on FIVE multivitamins in each store - name, specific type (men's, seniors, whatever),exact nutrients and the amt of each nutrient in the tablet, number of tablets per day recommended, number of tabs in the bottle, and price. Then he had to figure up the monthly, quarterly and yearly cost of those and compare it to the cost of the stupid mail order vitamins. He was astounded to see that he could have gotten fifteen times the amt of vitamins, with more vitamins and more of each vitamin if he had gone to the most expensive place for them. It is one of the two times i have said that you will do this or I am GONE. With the kids. At the time we had more than ten years of marriage and I had never said it at all. So he did all I asked. You need to draw a line in the sand about this, because he does NOT need your signature to do this. So make sure he KNOWS exactly what it will cost him if he signs this. Whatever you say you will do, it MUST be something you will follow through on. Otherwise he won't ever follow you when someone is pushing him to do something that would hurt you/the family in some way. I would probably tell your difficult child that if he EVER asked his father for something financial worth more than ten bucks when I was not right there, in my right mind and paying attention, then he could expect to be cut off from this, tossed out of that and paying for this other all by himself. Again, it would be things that I would follow through on. I would do it to protect my marriage from my husband's passivity. Then husband could NOT blame it on difficult child when he didn't want to fight about it and gave in to difficult child. In fact, I did do this after husband told me he was talked into something or other that was unreasonable in the extreme. My difficult child is somewhat afraid of me because I always do what I say, no matter how creative it might be. Including if I said I would put mashed potatoes up your nose if you do that. (thank you did - he was sticking fingers full of snot in my lunch of mashed potatoes - about age four. He thought I wouldn't do it and was thrilled that it was grossing me out. He is 11 now and has yet to try me on anything I said I would do. I used a pea sized amt of potatoes and wiped it out right away. It was the shock value that Mom will NOT back down if she says that x is a consequence for y. So figure out what would motivate husband and difficult child each. Then use that to give them incentive to stop trying this behind your back. [/QUOTE]
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