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Last night was awful
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 236818" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hey!<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> - I covered that base....lol - I never mind if someone disagrees with me. I think that makes it interesting and debatable. </p><p> </p><p>Anyway - look here - see what I wrote above? But I do agree with you and Jo. I think he is dilusional AND I think he has an overinflated sense of self-worth. I also think he's beaten your self esteem down to non-existance kjs. You can be self-confidant, but tis' not the same as self-worth. </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: darkorange">IT didn't get broke over night - it won't get fixed overnight - but I maintain - at least he went. Some men/women actually GO to therapy not to fix things but to show the therapist that the partner is really "nuts, crazy, out of control." and they figure if they go and a professional see's THEIR point of view with the partner in therapy yelling and carrying on etc? That they are vindicated for behaving like they do. What usually happens to those types of partners? The therapist spots the "baiting" and "cajoling" and "manipulation" to start the parnter or set the fire and it becomes evident to any trained eye very quickly - what exactly is going on.</span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #000000">I think there are (could be wrong too) but I think there are three scenarios. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">1.) They both go - they both listen - they save their marriage. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">2.) She goes, works on the weekly lessons - he goes but does nothing because he's only going to prove he's RIGHT - nothing wrong with me syndrome. Therapist sees this, guides KJS towards independence, self worth and eventually she also starts to see this and makes a plan for the rest of HER life. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">3.) She goes, works on weekly lessons for what she can do for herself- he stops or never goes because he doesn't feel a need to prove he's right AND there is nothing wrong with him. KJS figures out she has a <strong><u>life </u></strong>to live outside of her existing and makes plans for the rest of her life. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #000000">That's the options I was given anyway - by the way - I picked option 3. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #000000">I guess there is a 4th - but that would involve both of them not going and not doing anything and remaining in the same rut they are in now for the rest of their days because they're both so stubborn neither is willing to admit they both have issues that need work. I think KJS is a very intelligent woman and won't pick that option. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 236818, member: 4964"] Hey!:winking: - I covered that base....lol - I never mind if someone disagrees with me. I think that makes it interesting and debatable. Anyway - look here - see what I wrote above? But I do agree with you and Jo. I think he is dilusional AND I think he has an overinflated sense of self-worth. I also think he's beaten your self esteem down to non-existance kjs. You can be self-confidant, but tis' not the same as self-worth. [COLOR=darkorange]IT didn't get broke over night - it won't get fixed overnight - but I maintain - at least he went. Some men/women actually GO to therapy not to fix things but to show the therapist that the partner is really "nuts, crazy, out of control." and they figure if they go and a professional see's THEIR point of view with the partner in therapy yelling and carrying on etc? That they are vindicated for behaving like they do. What usually happens to those types of partners? The therapist spots the "baiting" and "cajoling" and "manipulation" to start the parnter or set the fire and it becomes evident to any trained eye very quickly - what exactly is going on.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#ff8c00][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000]I think there are (could be wrong too) but I think there are three scenarios. [/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000]1.) They both go - they both listen - they save their marriage. [/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000]2.) She goes, works on the weekly lessons - he goes but does nothing because he's only going to prove he's RIGHT - nothing wrong with me syndrome. Therapist sees this, guides KJS towards independence, self worth and eventually she also starts to see this and makes a plan for the rest of HER life. [/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000]3.) She goes, works on weekly lessons for what she can do for herself- he stops or never goes because he doesn't feel a need to prove he's right AND there is nothing wrong with him. KJS figures out she has a [B][U]life [/U][/B]to live outside of her existing and makes plans for the rest of her life. [/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000]That's the options I was given anyway - by the way - I picked option 3. [/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000]I guess there is a 4th - but that would involve both of them not going and not doing anything and remaining in the same rut they are in now for the rest of their days because they're both so stubborn neither is willing to admit they both have issues that need work. I think KJS is a very intelligent woman and won't pick that option. :winking:[/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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