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Last night was awful
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 236985" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm sorry it was so rougn. It was never going to be a bed or roses, but it is something you need to do.</p><p></p><p>If he continues to go, then hats off to him. But if he doesn't, you still need to go, because you need to re-lern how to be loved, how to love, and especially - how to argue constructively and positively.</p><p></p><p>I get the feeling that both you and your husband were each hoping the therapist would take your side against the other and try to talk some sense into the other. And perhaps you're disappointed that this didn't seem to happen. But think about it - regardless of what the therapist privately thinks, if there had been ANY indication of the therapist telling you to listen to husband, he has some genuine concerns and you've been neglecting him, I think you would have been out of that office so darn fast their heads would have been spinning. And similarly, if the therapist had said to husband, "Snap out of it, you useless big lump of protoplasm!"</p><p>Neither of thse was likely Occupational Therapist (OT) be on the table, and as a result, you and your husband are both, separately, likeoy to be feeling disappointed with the whole process.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the others who said that for a first appointment, it was most likely the therapist was letting you guys have your heads, to see how you argue and how you carry on. A good therapist from here will begin trying to apply the brakes and assert some quality control into the interactions.</p><p></p><p>Whatever comes from this, Kjs, you need to learn how to get what you want out of a relationship, without having to shout. Take away every possible criticism he could make, and present hi with a fait accompli - you've made your effort, where is he in all this? Whatever he does (either putting in an equal effort, or not) will show the therapist who is really trying to work things out, and who is aiming for a free ride and not wanting to make any changes.</p><p></p><p>The one who makes the changes, is the one who is most likely to have long-term success, in many areas.</p><p></p><p>I'm betting it's you. It would be nice if it's both of you, but one is better than none. And if it's you, it will stand you in good stead hereafter.</p><p></p><p>Otherwise, all you will do is keep making the same mistakes, and I'm sure you don't want to do that.</p><p></p><p>And of course you can keep posting, and talking about it. Why on earth not?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 236985, member: 1991"] I'm sorry it was so rougn. It was never going to be a bed or roses, but it is something you need to do. If he continues to go, then hats off to him. But if he doesn't, you still need to go, because you need to re-lern how to be loved, how to love, and especially - how to argue constructively and positively. I get the feeling that both you and your husband were each hoping the therapist would take your side against the other and try to talk some sense into the other. And perhaps you're disappointed that this didn't seem to happen. But think about it - regardless of what the therapist privately thinks, if there had been ANY indication of the therapist telling you to listen to husband, he has some genuine concerns and you've been neglecting him, I think you would have been out of that office so darn fast their heads would have been spinning. And similarly, if the therapist had said to husband, "Snap out of it, you useless big lump of protoplasm!" Neither of thse was likely Occupational Therapist (OT) be on the table, and as a result, you and your husband are both, separately, likeoy to be feeling disappointed with the whole process. I agree with the others who said that for a first appointment, it was most likely the therapist was letting you guys have your heads, to see how you argue and how you carry on. A good therapist from here will begin trying to apply the brakes and assert some quality control into the interactions. Whatever comes from this, Kjs, you need to learn how to get what you want out of a relationship, without having to shout. Take away every possible criticism he could make, and present hi with a fait accompli - you've made your effort, where is he in all this? Whatever he does (either putting in an equal effort, or not) will show the therapist who is really trying to work things out, and who is aiming for a free ride and not wanting to make any changes. The one who makes the changes, is the one who is most likely to have long-term success, in many areas. I'm betting it's you. It would be nice if it's both of you, but one is better than none. And if it's you, it will stand you in good stead hereafter. Otherwise, all you will do is keep making the same mistakes, and I'm sure you don't want to do that. And of course you can keep posting, and talking about it. Why on earth not? Marg [/QUOTE]
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